Decimus

More likely Harvey Price, Rosie Jones and Gary Glitter. A troop of spasticated nonces flinging their own shit on a daily basis.

Pretty funny, but you can still consider yourself reported. Crapaud.

The son of Ding, I despised your old man and he was only half as prolific with his meandering bollocks as you are. Keep your posts punchy, short, minimal and preferably only make them once every other year. Do you understand?

Withers, attempting to sell lumber fuel to an 80s population of phlegmatic Taffs reliant on cheap coal was almost as fucking stupid as your soap start up in the slums of Marseille. If I ever catch you offering financial tips on here again I'll come down on you like a tonne of fucking Scots pine. Understood?

An interesting change of tact, you loathsome fucking toad. Like most other totally useless new members, you've not only previously encouraged this fucking idiot to persist with his one man campaign to bore every single punter to death, you have also mined his wheel chair access cheap seat for 'likes' by playing the lowest common denominator time and time again. Don't think that by finally showing a bit of decorum you can worm your way out of years of ensuring wankers like ELC survive and thrive on here against everyone else's wishes, because I'm telling you now you can't. Get your tongue back up his arsehole because you'll find no succour with the rest of us. You've made your bed, now you can fucking well lie in it. Pun absolutely intended.

Take your three stars and shove them up your fucking arse. Fucking embarrassing.

Nein, ze JewTube.

Take your fucking beanie off, you queer Moxey cunt.

Never mind this shit, what about the OP? I could almost forgive the fact that he's recently flooded these hallowed halls with 56 nominations a day about any old bollocks that he's been fed by Daily Mail bots whilst logged on from his communal HMP computer terminal. But when he puts up a Bolognaise (sic) recipe that includes thyme in it, I've got to say that enough is enough. His reign of terminal fucking idiocy ends tonight.

Apparently you topped the leaderboard for the first time in seven years recently, is this true? I've been reviewing your content and other than an ingenious attempt to use my name and clout to stir a controversy around my age, you've offered absolutely fuck all that would warrant a position in the penthouse suite. Once I've finished cataloguing your accumulated 'likes' by time added and the member who granted them, you can safely consider yourself reported to absolute fuck. Alright?

You absolute fucking wanker. This is all wrong. Wrong.

From Beau Brummell to Bin Diesel, the tramp stunt extra of Vin in Perfect Dark, you queer, insta eye filtered gimp.

Yet another unfulfilled promise, just like your assertion that you'd finish off last weekend at the top of the LB. And now we're here. Not only have you ended this bank holiday nowhere near a top four spot, you haven't even managed to put a chink (lol) in my armour, despite a record amount of weekend posts attempting to do so. I'm bowing out again for the foreseeable on a high, it was nice doing business with you, although it looks like the transactional result ended up in my favour...number five wanker. Lololol.

I actually find it quite flattering that you consider something I knocked out in thirty seconds whilst coming down from a three day coke, booze, speed and benzo binge to be that perfectly structured it could only have been produced by A.I. technology. For avoidance of doubt, I've never assumed that anything you have ever shat out on these pages has been anything other than the spasticated, drunken ramblings of your own wet-brained imagination.

You're not wrong. Where I grew up we had a large Greek Cypriot, Italian and Maltese community from the 1950s onwards. They all had their own businesses, married local women, spoke the language, invested in the community and their children, grandchildren and great grandchildren are indistinguishable from the locals. In the early 2000s the floodgates opened and the area was flooded with eastern Europeans, Portuguese, Kosovans, Albanians and Romanians. Some of them were ok, but the difference between them and the 1950s immigrants was palpable and the tensions are still there. I think that demonstrates that the British people are welcoming and ready to embrace outsiders who work hard and integrate into the local fabric of society. It's totally on the incomers to do this and if they don't then they can't complain when tensions subsequently arise.

Tanyalee Davis. You made a nom about her once upon a time, a very good one I'm ashamed to admit. I actually saw it being interviewed by Look East on a Greater Anglia train from Norwich to Yarmouth not long after it was turfed off another one for clogging up the aisles in its massive fucking scooter. How many cans of Kestrel would it take to persuade you to rag it fucking silly in front of your bungalow's roaring two-bar fire?

Andy McShit-Stab.

ELC, you seem very hyped up and happy today, and dare I say it, slightly less of a racist fucking cunt. Have you been out on the piss?

The old whoever smelt it dealt it gambit. About as believable as The Judge accusing other members of penny pinching and alcoholism. You're a smoker of cock, a connoisseur of cum, a right bent cunt. There's no shame in it and certainly no reason why you should try to deflect...mate.

When I'm not snorting lines off of a black man's old chap, I've been known to put a sentence or two together.

It's a devolution of the mind, and quite the outrage when you consider the country that this has been implemented in. A nation that once boasted the envy of the free-thinking literati of Europe, amongst whom stood the likes of Adam Smith, David Hulme and Adam Ferguson. I doubt you will ever now see a second Scottish enlightenment where its citizens will lead the world in theorising, philosophising and innovating the way humankind in the future will adapt and evolve its attitudes towards society, the economy and literature. What hope is there of a second 'The Theory of Moral Sentiments' when your average woad-wearer can no longer say "nig-nog" on Twitter without fear of censure? Shameful.

You're clutching at straws, Frankie goes to Hollywood. The only thing you can see is a great big black cock hurtling towards you through the glory hole you're currently crouched at. Lolololololol.

The numerous references to your back door specialist proclivities is hardly an indication that I also indulge in marathon gobbling sessions. Queer is as queer does as they say in the deepest and darkest regions of Soho. If the white plimsoll fits you can hardly complain when every time your name is referenced by either myself or anyone else on here, it's usually in conjunction with a homophobic slur. In other words, if you want it to stop, cease dressing like a twelve year old, gender neutral San Franciscan. Take a hammer to your bent as fuck dog and replace it with an Alsatian, and don't post any more nominations about how badly you want to fuck a hairy soldier-dwarf. Do you know what I mean...mate?

It's the bugle.

It's apparently known as the John Steed fetish down at the old Duncan. Insert, twist and open. Although why you'd want to spend half a grand on something that mainly lives up your arsehole I don't know. Have you ever considered cock as a cheaper alternative? Lolololololol.