scotty

4 minutes ago, Last Cunt Standing said:

Harry Maguire might be the worst England defender since King Harold faced down the Normans. 

He’d struggle to get in the Iran team, and they appear to be utter shite. 

Maguire injured.

It's coming home, it's coming home 👍

1 hour ago, Decimus said:

Predictions, Scotty?

I'm going nil-nil in this game and out in the first round.

That was pretty much my take on it, until the game kicked off to reveal an opposition who would struggle against the Red Lion at the park on Sunday morning.

We can now look forward to media drooling, and a parade of pundits sagely pointing out that "you can only beat what's in front of you." (a sentiment, incidentally, frequently endorsed by Neil.)

46 minutes ago, Decimus said:

I don't like how identity politics has pervaded the domestic game, with the proliferation of rainbows everywhere it's like watching a special needs kids team everytime you turn Sky Sports on.

That being said, if I took it up the arse and was a Judy Garland fan, I'd finally see all these FA initiatives for what they are, lip service and tokenism. When it actually comes down to making a genuine stand on the issue, they've bottled it.

The gayers can console themselves while our players sink to their knees in adoration of St George Of Floyd,  by imagining it's in preparation for delivery of a blowjob.

9 hours ago, King Billy said:

She or anyone else wouldn’t need specs to see how shit Mark Allen is playing.

One can only surmise Bill that Mr Allen reads these pages and received this kick up the arse he so desperately required. I think you can safely claim the credit for his late sprint over the finishing line.

4 hours ago, Eric Cuntman said:

The London Underground one..

”Excuse me, how I get to Cockfosters?”

”Drink it warm.”

"They're Jackson Pollocks."

"I'd agree with you there, mate."

1 hour ago, Neil said:

I read that England are going to take the knee before every Word Cup game......Please Infidels do your bit, that cuck cunt Southgate first.

 

Yes, I saw that our players will be kneeling. Again.

Perhaps rather than kneeling in disapproval of something we have no control over, we should decline to participate in events hosted by countries whose policies we don't like or agree with. Obviously, the ragheads are fine killing poofs and stoning women to death, that's all good. Thieves? Chop their fucking hands off. Beers? Lock 'em up Abdul!! But if an American policeman kills an American citizen, in America, we're duty bound to express our horror.

Fucking virtue signalling cunts. I fucking hate Southgate, I hope he gets caught with his knob out and publicly flogged. 😡😡😡

3 hours ago, Eric Cuntman said:

Show off about it why don’t you. I haven’t had one for 2 years. 

I haven't had one since he was issuing Ratten.

3 hours ago, Neil said:

The family have blamed racism for the death of their son, I know it was Black Mould that killed him but how can mould be racist?

Black Mould killed him??

Fucking hell, not another stabbing. 😡

1 hour ago, Cunty BigBollox said:

I made a last minute decision only yesterday to go teetotal

If you need a mentor, I'm here for you 🍺🍻🥃

2 hours ago, Cunty BigBollox said:

I've just purchased 18 fresh eggs from my local Tesco's and I'm now making myself an omelette. What fucking egg shortage?

Is this 18 egg omelette to soak up the booze already consumed, or the anticipated incoming deluge?

5 minutes ago, ratcum said:

I did look for you in the small ads during my incarceration Splotto. This caught my eye in Nazi Camping and Caravan magazine: 

"Cunt requires similar to get stuck into some Qataris"

Link please 

28 minutes ago, King Billy said:

How do you know this scotty?

Just asking.

My interest was piqued by this remark from Eddie on Ape's "Porkpie Hat" thread.

Neil, what do you make of the two Chelsea players who are in a relationship?

1 hour ago, King Billy said:

I’ve been permanently traumatised by the behaviour of all 3 of the women I married. Can you imagine coming home after a 3 or 4 day binge, barely conscious and the woman you picked to spend the rest of your life with, from the 4 billion or so to choose from, instead of rushing to the door to welcome you home with hugs and kisses, launched into a deranged verbal and occasionally physical attack on you?

”I hate you! I wish I’d never met you! You should get out of this house! etc etc. etc.

Being the rational and empathetic person I am and always have been, I always listened without retaliating, even though receiving an ear bashing for not coming home, while simultaneously being told I should fuck off didn’t make much sense to me. And to make matters worse, when my beloveds had exhausted themselves and finished ranting, for some strange reason me nodding my head in agreement and saying “I’m sorry you feel that way. Shall I order a Chinese for dinner?, you deserve a night off”, invariably kicked off more of the same bad behaviour directed at me.

Wimmen, Bill. I'll never understand them.

2 hours ago, Decimus said:

The lazy answer would be anyone who plays for Brighton.

The obvious answer would be Cristiano Ronaldo and Todd Cantwell.

The real answer will be a couple of lower league dickheads with no talent who have decided to milk the pink pound as well as each other.

It's supposedly two teammates, with most of the money being on James and Mount at Chelsea. 

On 16/11/2022 at 17:51, Eric Cuntman said:

The cunt’s going to win the triple crown this season and then announce that he’s been playing shit and everyone else needs to up their game. 

He's on his way out of this one, unless he suddenly sparks into life. Ding Junhui looks like whitewashing him.

1 hour ago, Decimus said:

'I love sucking cock' tattooed to their foreheads.

I still don't know what pair of footballist benders Eddie was referring to the other day. The problem being that if you type "gay footballers" into google, the computer explodes.

2 hours ago, Cuntybaws said:

my 5-litre supercharged Jag

OCD 1

1 hour ago, Decimus said:

Have you ever been behind the wheel of a car in France, Scotty? It's like Wacky Races, except that every driver is Maureen Rees from 'Driving School'. Mrs D drives like she has got her eyes closed, but in comparison to the average French motorist she's the equivalent of an F1 safety car.

Can't say I've ever noticed Decs, and I've done my share of motoring there. To be fair, since gaining immunity by spending three hours of pure sweat-drenched trembling naked terror behind the wheel of a hire car negotiating my way through the centre of Naples, I rarely notice anything amiss in the behaviour of other road users. I genuinely thought the Reaper was upon me.

5 minutes ago, Witheredscrote said:

I can imagine that all the seats are in pristine condition as well.

Baws sanitises them twice before each journey, and three times after use. With colour coded numbered lint-free cloths and disinfectant within a ten day limit of it's use-by date. Rear seats first, then front passenger and finally the drivers seat. 👍👍

39 minutes ago, Witheredscrote said:

I hope you can live with yourself @scotty, even @Eddie has tried to do the right thing, (and as usual, failed). My daily mode of transport is my trusty 1972 Peugeot 103 Mobylette. A panier on the back for my fromage, pain, and vin rouge. 1 litre of petrol per week.

Go fuck yourselves.

I trust you don't emulate that utter poofery Scrotes, for fucksake, he's wearing a helmet. Is that even permitted in La Belle France?? I thought it was officially banned, like washing or not smoking.

3 hours ago, The Beast said:

Our geriatric 2005 Honda accord tourer 2.4L has a DNR order on it. 

My 2004 2.4 saloon still runs like a dream, with 130k on the clock. There's a few glitches, such as the satnav dvd drive expiring and the temperature display requiring an occasional whack on the dashboard to reappear, but it remains one of the nicest (and quickest) motors I've ever driven. That's staying on the road for the foreseeable, Greta can fuck right off.

26 minutes ago, King Billy said:

I forgot and went to the pub for a few shandies and then before I knew it a few days and nights had slipped by.

They never forget these minor hiccups, do they. I bet she threw that little incident back at you til the day she left, three weeks later. 🤬

27 minutes ago, Decimus said:

It's a shame @Frank is dead

In what parallel universe does this statement make any kind of sense? FFS.

3 hours ago, Eric Cuntman said:

You know those cunts who get drunk at parties and loudly invite people to punch them in the stomach, because they ‘can take it’? Same syndrome

How about those blokes who tazer themselves "to see what it feels like", Eric? 🤔😄😄

1 hour ago, Bubba said:

And the throwaway email I setup for this shit hole corner of the internet. 

Ahem. 😡😡😄