Jiggerycock

Yeah - and even then it will eventually be tracked down to the one Japanese tourist in Portugal on that fateful night.....the one with 'I hold a torch for kids' tattooed across his forehead.

Bit of thread hijacking here, for which I apologise but ditto cunts who claim to be a 'strong person' (that's not an epithet you can give yourself and it have any real meaning) and cunts who claim to have a short-temper and view it as a badge of honour, rather than it marking them out as a petulant twat with a screwed-down air of menace, that's best avoided. As you were....carry on....

I've not seen it but if Fawlty Towers is 1 and Mrs Browns Boys is 10 on the git scale, just how close to two million are we talking?

Not saying you're wrong Gong - far from it - but was there REALLY anything wrong with simply calling Tom Daley a cunt and moving right along?

My lifetime share of democracy goes like this: Five elections in rock solid Labour seats, Four in rock solid Tory seats. My vote has therefore had as much impact as a gnat's cock, seen through the wrong end of a telescope, well beyond Pluto.

Time was you could just about read between the lines and get the general gist of what these cunts are on about. Trouble is the lines are now so Rizla-thin you don't know if 'leveraging a relationship for a more transparent solution' is Robert Peston describing a merger between two conglomerates or him touching his own cock.

I think that's pretty much the case for 90% of the population. The bunch of buffed-up, shiny suits and smarmy personalities that off-piss me least.

Case in point. "Put more cunts in prison for longer!" "Fine - mind if I put up your taxes to pay for the Cap Ex on more prisons and prison officers?" "Fuck That!"

Eh? Of course we swallow it!! We fucking love the bullshit fairytales these cunts come out with. Just watch as grown adults get into a righteous strop about which set of fantasists they believe in. Any politician that tells the truth is a fucking imbecile and has the shelf-life of a cream cake in Kerry Katona's fridge.

......as the badass motherfuckers ride the old 7.32 from Godalming for another day of 'would you like Fries with that?' under the delusion they're going upriver mob-handed with Robert Duvall to pop a cap in Marlon Nando's ass near Fenchurch St station......or something.

Once again science proves it's out to crush every last vestige of joy and liberty from our lives under the uncaring jackboot of 'progress'. No longer then the unthinking glee of delivering a volley of abuse, middle digit extended skywards, to the (inevitably) smaller and weaker specimen of humankind that has just barged in front of you after sailing down the outside lane at an obviously coned off section of motorway.

Putin tries too hard. All this riding around bare-chested, pumped up in in leather chaps just smacks of homo-erotic art concept. I bet he's got a huge Thomas of Finland art collection in his ice palace cellar.

Well to be fair, since every thread now inevitably descends into a version of 'You're a cunt', 'No You're a cunt' it's a bit tough to come up with a new riff on this overarching theme. 'Quelle cunte' (feminine ou masculine) doesn't really cut it for me.

Since everyone now has one of these contraptions it's no longer the mark of the ostentatious prick to be heard yammering into the void about 'just coming into a tunnel near Temple Meads - I'll call you back'. I think we've come full circle here and if it's the world and his wife you want to piss off on a train, we're back to the 'squaddie with a mountain of Tenants Extra cans that's getting a bit lairy' persona you want to be adopting.

There certainly is!

"You are what you eat" ....says the World Cunnilingus Champion.

You just keep your head down, pay as best you might and hope you never, EVER have to interact with any of these cunts on any other kind of level, else you end up feeling like you're on one of these for all eternity

Because we're all likely to go down the pool this afternoon and blithely lunch ourselves into orbit, throwing the biomechanics of diving joyously to the four winds, crashing poolwards and scattering the Pakistani kids throwing their locker key in and diving to find it. What kind of stupid cunts does he take us for (rhetorical)?

Mental note to self: never assume anything re Cunts Corner. I was labouring under the misapprehension this twitchy Bagpuss-lookalike was one of the founding cornerstones of our little monument to cuntyness. How wrong can you be? I labour in the (vain) hope that his leaving QPR might mean an end to his Omni-present 'chim-chimmineeing' arsehole-fucking-cunt persona across all media platforms, but I somehow doubt it. In fact I bet him and his doilum son are the 'Ant and Dec de nos jours, forever parading their ill-informed tripe across the airwaves, 24-7. Harsh? After the stroke this cunt pulled on Betfair in the 'Next Southampton Manager Market' the morning he was appointed there, couple with the fucking front he had to come up with 'I know nuffink about computers me guv' fuckwittery during his trial last year, I hope the Bells Palsy cunt has Satan's little helpers prodding his balls with Nitromors-tipped lances for all eternity.

The eating habits of this nation - fuck it, the entire Western World - are a source of endless fascination. Stroll the aisles of your local supermarket and watch awestruck as these porcine entities scrabble around the freezers and tins with their little tissue claws for this weeks' synthesis of Tartrazine and calories they can stash into the ravine of their fourth chin, and run back to their squalid little freak-caves in whatever assisted ghetto they come from, for some sustenance in their battles with the pest control authorities.

English Workers? They're shit - never been the same since Redknapp changed to a 4-4-2 formation with Enoch Powell and Oswald Mosely upfront

I hope you do! Fuck shit up! Make it interesting!!

Hobby Bobbies

Self-referencing is pretty cunty but fuck knows where I pulled Dave 'Boy' Green from. 'The Fen Tiger' from Chatteris. Looked like a Garden Salad on two legs and sounded worse.

Nope, I'm pretty sure it was Lawrence Llewellyn-Bowen. I'd have definitely remembered if the four-eyed boxing anchorman had come out with 'In the duck-egg blue corner we have some Laura Ashley flock wallpaper and in the red with a hint of cinnamon corner we have Dave 'Boy' Green!'