Jiggerycock

Fucking hell fire and damnation! Earthquakes, sandstorms, pestilence and all manner off fucked up shit hits the rest of the world like the first four Black Sabbath albums - and we all go 'Bite me!' A tiny ickul snowstorm blows one Starbucks into the next and a few big tough old New Yorkers start crying like the baby Jesus. Hey ya puffs! I've got some 'Man Up' pills you can take with your Hash Browns and Grits.

The primordial mating ritual, updated for the digital age, baring one's genitalia like the aborigine did to Jenny Agutter in 'that there film when she was well-fit' Like the misplaced back pass and not strangling Cheryl when he had the chance, it's something else you can blame Ashley Cole for.

Then there's that 'go to' chiselling twatter Martin Lewis of moneysavingexpert.com, hyperventilating his way through every interview at the thought of saving a couple of pence a week by 'shopping around for the best deal' (it's always 'shopping around for the best deal' in his joyless, penny-pinching world)

Dennis Leary "Do you want some crack?" "No I've already got one of my own - when I want to fart in stereo, you'll be the first to know though"

Even the most hard-line CC jihadist would be hard pressed to call you out on this one. Achieve any measure of success in life beyond intoning the phrase 'Would you like fries with that?' and you'll doubtless be forced to attend some god-awful black tie Eisteddfod. No, I think we're on about cunts (for there can be no other nomenclature) who, when presented will all evidence that Dickie Bows are the British Kite Mark Standard of cretinism, still CHOOSE to wear the cocking things.

You've just described that dildo that does the Antiques programme on the goggle box. I know that doesn't narrow the field down much but do your best, people. PS The grammar faux-pas that boils my piss is people whittering on about 'PIN Numbers'

Poor old Swansea. First of all they sell Bony - now this!

Well, we are asked to suspend artistic belief to unbelievable levels to allow Max Branning and Phil Mitchell to be regarded as stud-muffins in 'Eastenders'. That being the case, it doesn't take a huge mental leap for women to go bandy at the notion of BoJo gurning and sweating over them whilst doing 'The Nasty'

See Leon Brittain has died.

I bet by the end of the Chilcot report - whenever it does see the light of day - he's giving handjobs to Tony Blair.

You know, there is more basic 'truth' in Cunts Corner than there is in several hectares of what Fleet Street serve up to us. ....and if it's a big old pair of tits you want with your penetrating insights into the state of play, then there's always Bronys Moobs to get you tumescent. Win-Win

......or feed us all another few series of X-Factor

Sadly I take the opposite view. No establishment nonce will ever do time for any of this - and the latter day child-benders will have to be more careful if the secret handshake and the old school tie schtik doesn't do the trick this time around

This is just the latest. What about Tim Fortescue, Tory Chief Whip in 1995: “Anyone with any sense who was in trouble would come to the whips and tell them the truth, and say now, “I’m in a jam, can you help?” It might be debt, it might be a scandal involving small boys, or any kind of scandal which a member seemed likely to be mixed up in, they’d come and ask if we could help. And if we could, we did. We would do everything we can because we would store up brownie points. That sounds a pretty nasty reason but one of the reasons is, if we can get a chap out of trouble, he’ll do as we ask forever more.”

'Milking the six million since before the First World War' ????????????

In fact I'll wager Boko Haram for sure have murdered more Muslims than Jews, during their whole sorry existence. It's known as the 'Brehvik Participle of Terrorism', wherein your desire to annihilate a perceived enemy means you slaughter the very people you purport to represent. (NB The Brehvik Participle was developed from early pioneering work by Professor Tim McVeigh from the University of Oklahoma)

Well, there has to be some up-side I suppose.....

Just dress up as a snowman - that'll learn 'em!!

Just so's am crystal fucking clear on this...... I'm supposed to tolerate a religion - that doesn't tolerate snowmen. Woooh! Just wait until they discover modern art, women's rights, trades unions and the Chuckle Brothers! It'll send them crazy....oh hang on a minute....

Just shoplift the fuckers into the clutches of the Receivers.

What are we talking about? Killing yourself or the bird in the picture?

Does that set a precedent? Can I refuse to serve brick-thick, pig-ignorant fuckwits on intelligence grounds? Or Bovine adipose fatties on fitness grounds? Why not? They're perfectly valid hate objects, that offend me.

It's all been downhill since Charlie Williams and Sammy Davis Jnr I'm afraid

Well for starters you don't go at the clinker, in the regular fashion, with a shitwipe. A Nitromors starter should reduce the dangleberries to a manageable size and constituency, with a Brillo Pad main course to clear the tagnut detritus. For the truly discerning chick, in pursuit of the full 'Aslan' look, a dab of Mister Sheen and some brandy butter and the old 'Chris Packham's Naughty Hedgehog' is returned to it's full Kew Gardens glory.

I think you'll find Steeleye Span addressed this issue back in the '70's "All around my arse, I will wear my hair merkin" More research required before posting I'm afraid.