Rev

I noticed that, too, grumps. No thigh-gap, either. What the fuck is wrong with you, Bronski?

I'm still shitting through the eye of a needle after that fucking curry on Friday, MissP. Tea tree wipes are salving my ring a fucking treat.

We went for a meal on Friday for one of my daughters' birthdays, but the Toby Carvery hovel we were going to was full (of cunts), so we went for an "eat all you can" curry instead. Seven of us, including drinks, came to £130, which for the amount of shite we ate and drank, I thought reasonable. However, I've been shitting fucking plutonium for the last 18 hours. What I mistook for wind, I prudently sat down on the lav to expel and thank fuck I did. I hosed the enamel with about 4 litres of a rather fetching russet non-drip emulsion. Since about 3 am today, I've been jet-washing a frapuccino gloss every 40 minutes. My fucking poor arse feels like it's been sanded with 40 Grit. Bastard.

Yes. Yes, that's bollocks alright.

This chief cunt at Apple Corp has publicly asserted that he's "Proud to be Gay". Congratulations, you cunt. I'm proud to be heterosexual. Being a fucking bender ain't news anymore, yet the homosexualist community wish to keep it in the news. Bastards. Why don't you fuck off to Sierra Leone and celebrate your penchant for gaping man-arses over there. Wanker.

I got confused for a second there, klefto. "Flat fucking miserable wasteland" is a highly accurate précis of Bronski's step-mum, although "Tighter than the Scots" isn't; she's got labia majora like a fucking ghillie's wader.

There was a time when the Richardson cunt was passable. Nowadays, she looks like Michael Portillo, but with smaller tits.

And talking of wobbly sausages, where's jugs, tonight? ...smooth as fuck segue. Astonishing.

After she's banished you to your games den and tidied up the cum-socks that you keep under your bed, then goes for a shower, do you sneak into her room and wring the contents of her gusset out into your Mountain Dew? You've been wearing her tights again, haven't you?

Never heard of the bastard. He appears the sort of chap who enjoys the company of young men. Shoot him, before his disease spreads. Fucking woofter.

Without stating the fucking obvious..he's involved with football, ergo a cunt. And doubtlessly a homosexualist.

Bronski..is your step-mum lactating tonight?

No, I think this just about covers it.

True. Very true.

Of course she would. And she'd love it.

In actual fact, when I come out with cuntish remarks like, "I've never liked her", I actually mean I've never liked her. The fact that the greasy-haired cunt "wouldn't entertain me" is a bonus in my book. I'd have Courtney Cox over this bag of arse any day of the week.

Yeah. I've never liked her. I don't recall anything remotely memorable she's done and she looks like she smells of Brie, or badly cooked cut-price bacon. In fact, she's a cunt.

Charlton Heston was a cunt.

Is his name Barney McGrew? Brian Cant's a cunt.

Is this the racist sausages thread?

It's just one of them bread things that those fucking leprechaun-fucking bastards can't be fucking arsed making properly. They're all too fucking busy nail-bombing horses, fucking their bearded sisters and injecting Guinness. Blarney cunts.

Naturally. Aren't we all?

There are cunts whose crimes are deservedly punishable. They make the choice to commit them, they therefore face a penalty, whether that be incarceration, or more severe punishment if they don't live in Britain. There are certain offences that nowadays the threat of capital punishment would deter bastards from committing here. There isn't a single serious offender who isn't cognisant of the cornucopia of prisoners' rights, which is fucking shameful. If you kill, rape, molest or assault without provocation, you should be put behind bars for a very fucking long time, failing worse penalties under our present judicial system...unless you commit them in the privacy of your own lock-up. Fulton Mackay was a cunt.

You're meant to pluck the fucker while it's still warm. If not, steep the cunt in scalding water for a minute and skin the bastard.

Don't tell us, Bronski. You fell over and got your cock stuck in Tom Baker's arse by complete accident.