Rev

Yeah. I'm going to wait a day or two before publicly claiming that Robin Williams touched my smelly freckle out of a mark of respect.

Were you the cunt caught with a Sir Hiss plushie hanging out of your tea-towel holder at the Epcot Center last year, Bronski?

Yeah. I'd be more than happy to hurt this cunt for pretty much everything he's done, but mostly for being Bryan Adams.

I personally couldn't give a flying fuck for fair trade produce. I'm not handing over a premium so these cunts can have more kids, or grow a new tractor. Fuck 'em.

Although to the untutored this may seem like stating the fucking obvious, Tampons are for cunts.

I reckon Esther McVey's is all cinnamony and girly. I'd like to smear her in Nutella and spread her on my croissants.

That's because they are mere fannies, whereas we are dyed-in-the-wool cunts.

Whip out the old fella, apple and start sketching a rough outline of a bearded kangaroo with pre-cum on her thigh, then ask her if she can guess what it is yet.

The only things I ever liked by these parsimonious lotus-eating cunts was See Emily Play and Run Like Hell. Roger Waters is still a cunt of Special Olympic proportions and still can't play bass. I have spoken.

This fucking chinless, goggle-eyed amphibian cunt needs tasered, force-fed cement, set on fire and thrown into oncoming traffic. Being a character actor all your life and earning your crust by looking like a questionable trouser-pilot doesn't earn you the Rev's respect. This cunt needs elaborately harmed in a very particular way.

I might have that somewhere, they kind of passed me by at the time. The best thing I heard them do was Call Mr Lee.

I always get Phil Mickelson mixed up with Hugh Grant, although as far as I know, Mickelson's never been filmed getting sucked off by a prostitute. Yet.

I prefer television to transvestism any day. Frank Maloney's a cunt.

That's fine by me. As long as she's wearing a PVC catsuit.

Yeah. Esther McVey's fucking lovely. She can raise my fucking taxes any time.

Do they make tree-huggy vodka?

Never heard of the cunt. But, kill.

Is it one of those tartan leatherette fuckers, Miss P?

My old mum used to have a pale blue Triumph Herald with red PVC interior, the engine fell out eventually. She also had a rather fetching 1974 curry-tainted shit coloured Morris Marina from new. Within six weeks, the windows had fallen from their mountings and the sills had started rusting. BL were cunts.