Last Cunt Standing

People write what they write. I just wish it was funny. Shit, I’d settle for original.

Yep. Dumb as a rock me Judy. Right up to the point where I ran off “to make myself richer” or whatever crime against mother Albion it is you’ve got me pinned for. It’s the sort of thing idiots have done throughout human history. But fret not, you’ll soon be free of my idiocy at the sharp end of an endotracheal tube. London diabetics are about to go the way of the dinosaurs. Shit knowing you.

He was brown too. Ask Punky. Give us an essay on the SA80 Eric. It’s been at least a week.

I’ve never really understood the conventions here Bill. It’s apparently perfectly fine to throw all manner of shit at each other, but raise an eyebrow that some sweaty cunt would spend hours leering over his neighbours paddling pool and you are subject to the full force of arbitrary enforcement. Genocidal racism fine. Limerick about the McCanns, verboten. Such a policy has the rather chilling effect of creating a hierarchy of insults, which of course is to forget that each of us have our own hierarchy of offence. It gives the p-word a disproportionate power that it really shouldn’t have in any group of normal adults. But then of course because The Corner has lately been allowed to become a watering hole for the sort of grunting beasts that elsewhere form those tragic public avenger groups which pounce on bewildered school caretakers in Asda carparks, it’s got to be unquestioningly accepted that there is no more grave insult than “Paedo”. Even though for many people it’s up there with “fat” and “stupid” as the most desperate playground insult. I’m sure Roops will be along shortly to clear this up with usual joyless efficiency. Which of course really adds to the gaiety of the Corner experience these days. Fuck it, I’m off to do the Guardian Crossword, it’s funnier.

“Fuck the fuck off brown cunts” isn’t post ironic Eric. It’s just sad.

A little late to the party Judy. Overdone the insulin earlier today perhaps? I wouldn’t trust the dial on your Flexpen anyway, given it’s probably made in China. Dial up 500 units next time just to be sure. That weeping leg wound won’t get better on its own, especially since you started rubbing kebab into it.

You’re better than that Eric. Or at least you used to be.

Intimately. Best 500 Baht I spent that week.

Genius. Your parents must be so proud.

Well done on aiming high. Least offensive racist as a title is up there with most flushable turd or most fuckable Gove. And I thought pining for halcyon days might be popular round here these days now we’ve gone all Oswald Moseley. Perhaps not. And the dusky girlfriend, your Ace - did you call her Spades by any chance?

Agreed. And even calling The Judge names isn’t as fun now everybody does it.

A like for honesty, almost. I remember that great stand up set from Eugene Terre’Blanche a few years ago. Crying with laughter, most of his audience. But it could have been the tear gas, come to mention it.

Are immigrants the only group you would describe as cockroaches to a perfect stranger? Do you consider that normal? And “why I can still breathe” is that my brain stem is still running the process independently of my cortex, whereas obviously it takes concentration from you, you fucking dolt.

Well you’re arriving home to find the place burgled, vandalised and turned into a crack den. A bit like Cumbernauld.

Yep, it’s definitely all a big post-ironic wind-up and in no way an echo chamber for genocidally angry racists. Oh no, it’s a laugh a fucking minute. Like I said. Gone to the dogs.

Bollocks. The screech of brakes and a full on U-ey. You haven’t even got the brains to be a consistent idiot. Wanker.

I’ve thrown away placenta more likeable than you.

Well don’t. You have nothing to say of interest unless it starts “by the time you read this....”

Oh goody, it’s the traditional cut and paste here’s-a-source-you-might-find-useful bollocks. There’s really no beginning to your rhetorical talents is there you fucking halfwit?

Oh fuck off. You gave up on truth a long time ago. It’s too hard.

Oh yeah right, you’re just playing at being a dipshit and it’s all a big joke. Ha fucking ha.

I thought you were dead. Where the fuck have you been while Rome burned?

Really?

You get a like for a considered post. But I’m not sure I buy your last paragraph, there’s a little too much bile and venom flying about from our more spittle-flecked peers here these days. Immigrants this, BBC that, Knife crime the other. Brexit was bad enough but lately we’ve gone full on blackshirt. I’m not after a safe space, just some originality. It’s all a bit shit when you just come here for a laugh. That’s all.

Don’t worry Eddie, your friends will be along shortly to give you a nuzzle. You thick racist cunt.