King Billy

It used to be a bit of a mystery to me how Steve Martin became such an unfunny cunt after a great start to his career in films like The Jerk and TMWTBs, then Planes Trains and Automobiles and Dirty Rotten Scoundrels. But I guess I’ve just answered my own question as the more big budget and Hollywood mainstream he got the more shit and unfunny he became. Lets hope Rosie Jones doesn’t sell out and head off to LA chasing the big bucks superstar dream. This country is already short enough of ugly little spazz’s to laugh at.

I remember when I was a teenager, about five of us all mushroomed off our nuts, going to the VHS rental shop with a list of tapes we’d written down to hire. The guy behind the ramp who knew us all tbf ran out of patience and chucked us all out after spending at least ten minutes searching for ‘The With Two Brians’. We probably weren’t helping when he asked who’s in it and he’s being told Doctor Ufuhhhrrer and Anne Amahaaamelmahey.

I met the worst tobogganist ever the other day. Cunt had no Benson King Size or Marlboro Lites for sale.

Thank you for making me realise that I’m not the most fucked up hombre on here.

Out of likes Eric. ’’Brayden is moving into my place and I don’t care if he craps in my bed. I’ll rub it on my tits”.

I believe it’s called ‘conversion therapy’ nowadays. The old, tried and tested course of treatment (a couple of months of daily ECT followed by a full frontal lobotomy) is apparently not appropriate anymore, as it has negative connotations for some of todays little snowflake nut nuts with all their newfangled ‘mental elf’ issues.

You obviously haven’t watched ‘The Greasy Strangler’ then. It took about seven or eight viewings before I included it in my top ten.

‘Only twelve years a bruddy srave and now the brack bastard want lepalations?’

No.

I’ve scored the winner in four World Cup finals, and won Wimbledon twelve times.

Wtf were the filth supposed to do if there weren’t any men about that night?

Yes

Watermelon is out of season right now anyway.

Boomba claaat!

Can’t they lick their own fucking windows? Sounds to me that your neighbours have been taking you for a right cunt.

🎶Some girls mullahs are bigger than other girls mullahs🎶

Pushing a whole tube of Smarties up your arse, then plugging the exit with a Walnut Whip hardly fits the description of ‘housework’ H (even if you only do it once a week on pocket money day). Just saying.

God I’ve missed you. Sorry about posting all that abject bollox for the last month, but tbh it was only about a month ago I started to consider that there might be something positive, no matter how minor if it turned out that you weren’t dead. xxxx😘 Bill Gates is still a cunt though (allegedly).

I’ll second that.

Careful with that sort of language ELC, or I might have to ban you from my chain of franchised Super Mosques once the builders have converted them all from their current use as infidel brothels, to fully comply with the incoming Sharia law regulations (which I totally agree with of course).

I’ve just thrown up tomorrow mornings corn flakes that I haven’t even eaten yet.

The simple fact that she posted last night (in her uniquely patronising and nauseating manner) means that we should expect an imminent avalanche of MSM BREAKING NEWS that the Israel/Hamas, Russia/Ukraine conflicts, the existential threat to humanity known as the ‘Climate Emergency’ along with dozens of other previously thought to be unsolvable global problems have finally been solved, by a ‘past her best’, MENSA rejecting old ginger haired Welsh slag, who wants to remain anonymous, as she’s said ‘I wouldn’t want anyone to think they’re in any way less clever than me, even though they obviously all are.’

Come on DC. You wouldn’t expect her to leave any jewellery, or tbh anything of value lying around in the house, with Eddie prowling about looking for anything that Cash Converters would give him the price of a can of Red Stripe for?

A smart move Luv. You wouldn’t want it flying off mid wank and KOing the ‘old man’ before you’d finished telling him that he was experiencing the greatest ‘hand job’ ever since hands became a thing.

LCS is not just an expert. Despite regularly being mistaken for Worzel Gummidge, he’s actually the first Aussie (expatriated convict) to be awarded a Nobel prize. Apparently he was outstanding in his field. Bloody Nora!