King Billy

No that’s the peado fiddler earl of spunkface

You’ve been up all night haven’t you to see if you got a mention in the state of the onion address. Fuckin vegetable cunt

Oh yeah almost forgot earl fuckin spunk face eat shit and die and then fuck off you mug cunt

You need to learn pal. You can’t send yourself a message so probably best you just keep whispering in that fucking massive pork chop where your ear should be. Cunt

How come all these Hollywood hard men are like 60-70 years old and their birds are 21-30. My birds 28 so I must be a contender. Forgot to put stone in there. Fuck it

If anyone knows John Barnes will cos he beat up his missus so there you go. These cunts ain’t from the hood Bruv they don’t know it’s kill or be killed and he will find you and he will kill you. and surely he must get some credit for saving all them oven dodgers in shindlers list. Otherwise that means the oscars are all bollox and everyone’s a cunt

I had a friend once with whom I had many a fun filled evening discussing the interesting and hugely hilarious differences in the vast array of hats through the ages However we lost touch with each other when he blocked me on his phone and then moved address without leaving any contact details for me. He did however leave something called a nuisance injunction pinned to his door with my name on it which I thought was very nice as a farewell gesture.

It’s actually a tricorne in the style of Napoleon Bonaparte. The deerstalker simply wasn’t large enough for my weekly potato shop

I’ve got one of Sams hats at home. I keep 12 stone of King Edwards in it and yes according to the makers label it is large size. So that is good enough for me and I will not be persuaded otherwise.

So Saddam Hussein’s not dead. He’s been wearing a little red wanking hood costume and a daft cap. Looks like a typical USA Ryder cup fan.

Paddy Power have installed Gemma “go lightly “ Collins as odds on favourite for next series of “pie eating on ice” and have stopped taking bets on her winning “I’m a fat greedy talentless fucktard cunt kick me out of here”

News Flash!!! Fat gobby cunts are now officially more popular than our brown skinned friends 👏🏽

Tut tut tut very shabby behaviour. You’ve let everyone down, mostly yourself

Round the back of Jim?

Sorry short relapse there. What a bloody idiot. Won’t happen again,

Having a shit on ice

Everything has become clear now that I’ve stopped being a fucking idiot. Anyone who wants to join me on my journey should read “An idiots guide to not being an idiot” by JR Hartley

Yeah you’re right mate. I’ve been a bloody idiot. Thanks for making me realise what a fool I’ve been. From now on I’m gonna pull all these fuckin stupid toys outta my bum hole and think about real women. Thanks pal

Unless she was dead

What do you mean?

LOL

Say what you mean

You can be so hurtful. I don’t wanna be your friend any more

Bet she would shag him though

Ok duly noted. I will endeavour to be more careful in future. Thanks for your quick response. KB