BuggerLugs

23 minutes ago, cunt said:

I think that maybe if you stayed out long enough in the hot sun you would completely dry up and blow away in the breeze.

Much better. Keep this up and you'll be heading up the clique in no time.

On 27/12/2021 at 17:43, Wolfie said:

Merry Christmas and fuck off, you ludicrously boring half-pint of ale wanker.

Wolfie, I tested positive for Covid earlier, so I'm in the pub drowning the cunt. I feel better already. 

15 minutes ago, Decimus said:

Would you recommend a lard based lubricant applied via ferret?

That'll be fine, but shave the ferret first. 

10 hours ago, Decimus said:

A triple never mind that shit.

I've had a damp, itchy arsehole for the past few weeks. I've squatted over a mirror and shoved my arse in Mrs D's unsuspecting face, and I can confirm that I haven't got worms. 

A serious case of the farmers aside, is it cancer?

I sincerely hope it's cancer, but alas, I suspect that your current dilemma is simply down to your poor choice of fisting butter.

1 hour ago, Decimus said:

Never mind this shit. Our Sky remote doesn't work, so Mrs D has spent the past twenty minutes looking for our spare whilst I fucked about on my phone. Whilst doing this, a programme was left on which had some she-northerner in bed ranting a monologue, Alan fucking Bennett style ad nauseam. 

How the fuck do you cope with that neanderthal fucking drawl? My blood pressure steadily rose as she fumbled about behind the sofa cushions until I fucking exploded and turned it off at the wall. 

The English language can be a beautiful thing, but when it comes out of the mouth of some disgusting, northern fucking pig it's as tortured as a sow's trotter drawn across a blackboard. 

Never mind all that shit and pay attention. 

True story. I did my last tour at RAF Marham back in the late 80's, I once caught one of the local bumpkins bumming his sister in the woods beside Swaffham banger raceway. 1 week later she gave birth to a fat albino turnip who went on to become Prime Minister. 

Rejoice in our diversity.

10 hours ago, Uncle Meatus said:

Post Removed

No idea....

Idiot. Fuck off. 

11 minutes ago, King Billy said:

She looks like she could pop all 12 out at the same time without even stretching  the gusset of her slime encrusted biohazard drawers. 

Exactly the practical qualities appreciated by Northern savages such as mesen. Top bird and most likely also dead handy in a WMC pitched battle over ownership of a pint and an effective stonewaller in the benefits office. 

Don't suppose you have her number?

3 hours ago, Stubby Pecker said:

I’m certain this hideous beast has been cunted here before, but fuck it.

I’m not 100% up to speed with her politics but as a current Labour cunt it’ll be completely out of touch with the vast majority of voters who despise the woke immigrant loving agenda. What I’m really cunting her for is the disgusting guttural northern accent she insists on assaulting my fucking ears with. With money she’s on a few elocution lessons wouldn’t go amiss.

I’m deeply worried that the likes of her will ever have the whip hand on how this country moves forward. I’d much rather have the place run by some half sensible public school boy toffs than a pack of chip on the shoulder northern savages raised on gravy, beatings from their drunken coal dust breathing dad and whippet racing down ‘t dog 

I would. With proper handling this bird would be a viable domestic asset and mother of 12.

1 hour ago, Parabolic Cunting said:

I use Amazon and eBay for everything precisely because Chung li can make it cheaper. I bought a ubend window cleaner the other day, moved to the north and it immediately became a wife correcting tool. I get reasonable prices on dual purpose goods. Amazon also supplied my apocalypse survival. I have enough dried noodles to outlast Giza.

My fireplace thrives on old tyres, the ubiquitous chimney fire is extinguished in minutes by the prompt despatch of Mrs. Lugs aloft with a bucket of 5 times recycled bog water, she then spends the next 6 hours cleaning up her fucking mess, the filthy inconsiderate cunt.

Fuck off Gazprom. 

41 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

Glittering prizes and endless compromises...

....shatter the illusion of integrity. RIP "Professor " Neil Peart. 

2 hours ago, King Billy said:

I’d love to lugs but as I’ve lived in or around London for 30 odd years there’s no way I’m moving back to Belfast just so I can then move to England unless you can give me a fairly good reason. That’s not a no by the way it’s a maybe.

Easy, flog your bedsit and buy both my 4 and 3 bed semi and detached houses in the commuter belt near Leeds. Rental income is improving up here. 

PS. Just had all the Artex dealt with in the semi and a nice new multi-fuel stove installed. HTH.

2 minutes ago, King Billy said:

Do you and this George fellow swap trousers in Asda often? Oh and if so, where in Asda and why?

Bill, I like you, mostly because you're not quite as thick as your Southern neighbours. Get yerself and yer fellow Brits over here pronto, we need you.

7 minutes ago, Stubby Pecker said:

Alas, in half Yorkshire on my mum’s sides, thus explaining why I’m a total cunt half the time, sometimes more

As for jeans, I’m in shorts April to October and when I do wear ‘em I get ‘em from Sainsburys 

I like Tu, it's decent quality and I have several items in my inventory, only sale items though, never full price. 

3 minutes ago, Stubby Pecker said:

Firstly, I apologize for ‘tarring’ you with same brush as our resident Uncle Tom Eddie. However, as a northerner you’re regarded by most of us here as far worse than any sambo.

Secondly, Asda jeans? I seriously hope this was an errand for mrs lugs and not returning one of you’r own fashion items? You can lie if you like.

Apology accepted. 

I'm a Yorkshireman and therefore, a tight cunt. The jeans are mine, compound that with the fact that Mrs. Lugs is also an Asda "colleague", therefore I gain an extra 10% off a 2 pairs for 12 quid deal. What about that? 

5 minutes ago, Stubby Pecker said:

Fuck off as well you black bastard 

Stubbs, I've been out all afternoon on the pretence of exchanging a pair of jeans from George @ Asda. I'm fucking splattered and I seem to have returned home with the same keks....The missus is watching Gogglebox and ignoring me, please don't make my predicament worse by confusing me with Eddie.

Fuck off Roops.

18 hours ago, Decimus said:

You can't just go around saying the "n" word whenever you please, you're not an antebellum plantation owner and this isn't fucking 1863. 

Agreed. It should be solely reserved for the use of black people.  

12 minutes ago, Decimus said:

I'm more of a Laphroaig man

 

Vile cunt. Earthworm canapés? 

14 hours ago, Neil said:

Don't forget Fibromyalgia. win win for feckless cunts

 

I'll raise you a Long Covid.

11 minutes ago, Old Chap Raasclaat said:

Good afternoon ProfB... I've been meaning to talk to you but kept forgetting. 

I simply wanted to say that you are an absolute fucking idiot. You make me laugh for a second now and again, but I always find myself wanting you to die immediately afterwards. 

Can you let me know what your strategy is with regards to getting out of the utter shit you are in? You utter fucking cunt.

 

The stupid sinister cunt is also following me and sending PM's.....I'm at a bit of  a loss OCR, my defences are crumbling, in fact I'm so peturbed, I'm seriously contemplating a pair of heavily used, tan, double monks by John Lobb on eBay. They need re-soling, but I think I can stretch to that.

@Eddie, please help me. I think I'm going to need some homeless skint cunt coaching.

42 minutes ago, Neil said:

Its a challenging wank that one.

The same might be said of a left hand amputee attempting a counter clockwise auto reach around. 

I've been down the pub again. 

7 hours ago, Jiggerycock said:

Amaranthe

Elize Ryd,oooof, yes......That's how you do metal, punk, other stuff fusion. Epic.

On 11/03/2021 at 17:28, Decimus said:

I'm surprised that no right honourable gentleman from a northern constituency raised a point of order asking if "they 'ad it comin'."

Uncanny....My campaign slogan for 2024, representing the Northern Clique. 

Just now, Eric Cuntman said:

Afro-turf, you dopey cunt.

Aah.....Soz.

4 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

What do you call 2000 blacks buried up to their necks?

A carpet.