Hammer of Cunts

Was that near Alan Freeman's Brentford Nylons?

"dopey old cunts" can still be told to shut up. I still have no idea why anyone would want to pay a significant amount of money for a bit of glorified office equipment. What are they for (other than giving assorted shysters access to data)?

A Fist Full of Andrex.

...goes riding.

The Diarrhorea of Anne Frank, if you like slushy films.

I believe it's still the only film to have featured a talking turd. It's almost as good as Sex Lives of the Potato Men.

Have you seen I Bought a Vampire Motorcycle? It was made by the cast and crew at weekends.

I'm more of a Jilly Cooper man myself. Do you prefer Mills or Boon?

Are you Barbara Cartland?

Soft point, I imagine. No Sabots for the artillery shells?

Do Jewish guns have muzzle brakes or do they remove them after a few months? Perhaps Eric will know.

A Spam cannon?

Well, that's him told then.

To be delivered by the fastest milkcart in the west?

Who is/was he?

He's probably grappling his grapenuts in a shrubbery somewhere.

What the fuck was the crrepy twat doing wrong? He doesn't seem to have been threatening anyone, no-one has been hurt and no damage caused. Some bint who sounds like she shouldn't really be out at night, wet herself upon seeing something she didn't like and this poor sod gets a criminal record. If he'd been a puff or a sex-changer they'd have given him a comforting pat on the head and ordered her not to be so somethingophobic. Looking at the photos, he looks more like Lenny Henry than a pervert.

I'm too old to bother learning about them, ditto DM flywheels, air con and modern injector pumps.

I did a Mondeo front last year by disconnecting the AR drop link and standing on the hub. It's nothing new, I put aclutch into an HA Viva once and had to cut a hole in the firewall to get out one of the BH bolts. It went well, until I found the bolt ended up two inches higher on reassembly... I cut another hole.

I've got an OBD2 reader and a VAG one; you can get the codes out of Fords by twiddling some of the switches. The worst part is the spares. it's all bolting on whole assemblies these days, nothing is actually fixable and everything involves making some somt of special tool. The kid in the shop just blinked at me when I asked for bearings for my water pump.

Automatics are for women and septics; at my level of motoring, it's just something else to go wrong. Fifty years ago, I could sort out most break-downs on the side of the road; now it takes a bloke from the AA with a computer even to tell me what's wrong. If you can't fix it with a hammer, you've got an electrical problem. I feel much the same about electric windows and "climate control". What the fuck is the point of a cup-holder?

'The Claimant (Walliams) now understands that, unknown to him at the time, his microphone was kept on and recording throughout the whole filming day, including breaks" He should have read the release form, they all allow that kind of thing.

A mate took it as a trade-in, too good to scrap but It needed a suspension arm and back discs so wasn't worth it to him. In 50 years of "motoring" I've never paid anyone to work on a car or a bike and I've never spent more than a grand on a car.

I've heard that dental techniques in Kurdistan have come along recently.

No, I paid 350 for it jn February (with 5 good tyres and half a tank of fuel).