Goober

46 minutes ago, The Beast said:

There were reports she had a fall a few days back. The bruising on her dorsal hand indicates she is on some form of anticoagulating medicine. My bet is she hit her head during this fall and sustained a bleed on the brain. She went from mobile to dead in two days. Something acute happened on top of the underlying progressing frailty.

 

This was my first thought too, but I've also seen not dissimilar presentations from long term steroid use. If she was on anticoagulants a hemorrhagic stroke would be a fair bet, fall or no fall.

If they did put a pillow over her face, it's the ultimate snub that they did it before Harry arrived. 

25 minutes ago, Roadkill said:

Bit Communist of you.

I have to say I'm somewhat wary of the idea of a mass crowd gathering around Buckingham Palace to mourn in this day and age.

 

Don't misunderstand, RK, I'm an out and out republican with no liking for outpourings of faux public grief. I despise them all and their brainwashed worshippers. 

The lament of sheep for an undeserving bint that gave not two fucks about them, despite the claims of toads like Nicholas Witchell, make me want to puke my liver out of my nostrils.

I'd happily send them all to their God myself, if I was granted legal immunity. Few would be able to muster that level of commitment or dislike. 

I'd simply rather have a bit of a lad in the Palace than his older brother who has the appeal of an AIDS victim's cum encrusted wank sock. 

1 hour ago, Eric Cuntman said:

Give it to Edward on merit. Okay, he’s still a spoilt cunt like the rest of them, and he had his little wanky woo singy dancey phase. But out of the descendants, him and Anne are the only ones who seem to just get on with their lives, keep themselves out of the attention vortex. And as far as I can tell, kept their mits out of kids pants.

Anne’s knocking on. Charlie’s a dimlo and even older. Andy’s a sick fucking perv. Eddie’s the only half likeable choice.

It might not be a popular opinion, but I'd rather have Andrew in the palace than the jug-eared, sandal wearing, eco warrior, horse-faced toff fucker. 

Yes, Andrew stuck it to a 17 year old cockaholic tart that was hungrier for money than she ever was for dick, allegedly. That said, she was legal in this country, don't forget, and her timing had him over a barrel so he was never going to be allowed to mount a defence. This, in my opinion, hardly marks him out as an extreme Savilist in this climate, even if it's unpalatable to the normally adjusted and those that are not over priveleged.

He got stuck in in the Falklands, unlike Harry who seems to have developed a like for darker skin whilst safely ensconced in a local hareem miles behind the front lines.

Yes, he's been involved in a few dodgy deals, but who wouldn't take a few gratuities when they're offered on a plate?

If I could line them all up and shoot them all in the face with a revolver, Andrew would be last in line and I might even say sorry before I pulled the trigger.

The whole lot of them are parasites, but fuck, if you're handed the privelege, you might as well kick the cunt off it. 

3 minutes ago, Decimus said:

It's a shame she didn't have the decency to die in the bleak midwinter.

At least that way the thousands of fucking idiots who will camp outside Buck House for the five days before her funeral could have done us all the favour of freezing to death.

With luck Russia will do us a favour and launch a sarin or novichok attack on central London the day before the street party, I mean solemn occasion. 

Windfall taxes for florists!

Every cloud has a silver lining. 

Andrew is going to be able to afford a new skiing chalet after the old cunt's personal assets are divvied up and florists in London, Windsor and Balmoral now have an even chance of being able to pay the gas bill this winter. 

14 minutes ago, Parabolic Cunting said:

100%, and several failed attempts to get them in . . . to administer a lethal dose, no doubt. They won't let her get so frail she's in a wheelchair or bedbound. Time to bump the old cunt off, just like her father. 

Wasn't that George V, her grandfather? Apparently done to make the morning papers. 

I believe the old bastard got a speedball into the jugular vein.

There are worse ways to go I suspect. 

22 minutes ago, Last Cunt Standing said:

Sending for the family, even the black sheep, sends a very strong signal. I’m afraid she’s dying, if not already dead. 

The Ravens are leaving the tower. 

Have you seen her hands in this photo, LCS? 

Last time I saw hands like that they were attached to a corpse. 

I hope we get at least a week off work to mourn. I'm going to be distraught. 

Not. 

3 minutes ago, Last Cunt Standing said:

Australia is knee deep in NHS Refugees.

Look on the bright side, LCS,  get the elbow length cow gloves on and you can upgrade the wine cellar. 

1 hour ago, King Billy said:

The new Pfizer booster jab 3 in 1 grab bag (vaccine, rainbow mask and Ukraine flag on a recyclable stick) just creeps in under the bar at 99.9 calories. Coincidentally the exact percentage of people who didn’t die from/or with Covid19.  😷🇺🇦💉🤣

Rattling.

When are your other brain cells back from leave, Bilbo? 

Just now, Roadkill said:

When did you call me a retard? I'm going to shit on your curtains.

I didn't, personally, RK, I alluded to people voting leave being retards.

That said I fully acknowledge that my 'team' lost, which perhaps makes me the retard for staying here, and we should all go with the majority. 

1 minute ago, Roadkill said:

I voted leave, because that's clearly what none of the cunts wanted or expected to happen. I never actually expected it to go through, mind.

Sorry for calling you a retard,  RK.

As northerners go, you're OK. 

24 minutes ago, Old Chap Raasclaat said:

Why do cunts always order Cod? Tasteless and overpriced. If that's your taste the get the shop to get Pollock in, it's cheaper. I have better taste than most and get Haddock (and don't mind waiting 10 mins). I get them not wanting waste, but waiting more than 10 minutes in a chip shop is too long. Anyone who orders Cod is a cunt. 

I get what you're saying, but if you want pollock, plaice,  or anything other than cod that once swam in the sea, at my local chippy you're going to have to wait another 37.5 minutes, over the 30+ minute usual wait, whilst some less than minimum wage twat dives to the bottom of the freezer to find it.

I'm not a racist, OCR, so if you want a suck on my pollocks I'm sure something can be arranged. 

I voted remain, but solely because I didn't believe the unsubstantiated arguments being set forth by either side and that it was probably, on balance, given the years I have left, better not to upset the apple cart. 

Regardless of the long term potential benefits if managed correctly, it was inevitable that there would always be short term pain if the leave vote won. 

That said, once the votes were counted I was horrified by the legal attempts to overturn a legitimate democratic decision, even if it was mostly a result of counting the ballots of retards. 

I'm sure @King Billyagrees that the vote of the majority should be respected. 

3 minutes ago, Cuntybaws said:

I was in two minds earlier whether to post this dreadful news on the Brexit thread, but talk about the fucking zeitgeist!

Chip shops face 'extinction' amid cost of living crisis

I'll have to deep fry my own fucking Curly Wurlies if this happens.

Is it hard to find a deep fried creme egg in November whilst living south of the border,  Baws?

How any Scot lives past 40 is a mystery to me. 

14 minutes ago, King Billy said:

Exactly. For once you’re talking sense so don’t feel obligated to apologise this time. 

I love that you can't see what a prick you make of yourself on a daily basis, Bilbo. Please don't stop.

Anyone remember when fish and chips were fast food, because they certainly aren't any more. 

When I was a youngster, many, many moons ago, if you were hungry, you rocked up to your local chip shop and were out again in less than 5 minutes with your heart attack inducing cod and chips. 

These days, there's 30 plus people milling around waiting for up to an hour to be served because everything is "fried to order". 

Fast food my arse. No wonder KFC and McDonald's are putting the useless wankers out of business. 

I saw today the lament of this industry due to rising energy prices, increases in frying oil prices, and inevitably, come the autumn, the increase in the price of potatoes due to the drought. Hard times indeed.

Whilst waste is never good, when you have a 30 people standing outside every single night at 6pm waiting to be fed, is it too much to ask that they fry a few things in advance, after all, nearly all of them want cod. 

Next time I rock up I think I'll agree to wait for them to fry a bit of fish if they pay me £120 an hour for my wasted time. 

Useless fucking cunts.

57 minutes ago, King Billy said:

Her gaping, Grand Canyon sized wound couldn’t be healed if the entire population of the planet, in a global effort to bolster our NHS, clapped their hands and banged their saucepans for eternity. Evil Knievel would have taken one look at her unjumpable crevice, pulled a wheelie and fucked off down the road into retirement.

Good that she hasn't got you rattled, Bilbo. 

3 hours ago, Last Cunt Standing said:

Where’s this fucking rain you promised us? It’s 52-2 as I write and I reckon it’ll be done before lunch tomorrow. The Long Room looks to have given their verdict on this shit already. Lots of newspapers at full mast, and snoring fat blokes sleeping off their trifle. Not so much a breathless hush in the close tonight.

Henry Newboult was a Cunt. 

The gypsy clairvoyance association is going to rescind her membership and send a courier to collect her crystal ball after that prediction. 

The filthy fucking deviants need their balls cutting off. 

Oh, wait... 

4 minutes ago, Jake The Muss said:

I will take you up on your bet Gobs, a grand that England don't lose this, if you win, then we can force feed Spunkape to eat your underpants..deal ?

That wasn't the bet. CG was suggesting there would not be a positive result and the match would be drawn. 

Regardless, the current lone resident of HMP Cunts Corner wouldn't need to be force fed any man's underpants. He'd wolf them down and the more skids the better. 

1 hour ago, Last Cunt Standing said:

The hope is strong in you….I’m afraid England will get skittled when play resumes, and Elgar would be not far off if he asked if he can enforce the follow-on without even batting. Poor. Pray for snow. 

Whilst that's not possible it's acceptable to declare on 0 for 0. It's happened once before, but that match was rather tainted by Hansie Cronje and wads of cash in brown envelopes. 

11 minutes ago, camberwell gypsy said:

Thursday: not bad, Friday rain, Saturday not bad, Sunday rain. Be surprised if we get a result.

You're clearly looking at a very different weather forecast to me. 

If there's not a result in this test I'll eat my own underpants after wearing them for a week in 30 degree temperatures. If there is you can chow down. 

Want to take that bet? 

1 minute ago, camberwell gypsy said:

This has draw written all over it. The SA batting is as brittle has uncooked spaghetti. They'll be lucky to get a substantial lead. England's second innings will be much improved and will set SA a target of around 270.  By that time the weather will have shortened play so a draw is most likely. 

You're welcome 

So your assessment is that the team batting first is getting skittled, their opposition has a brittle batting line up, but this is going to be a draw? 

The weather forecast really ain't that bad. Want to put a grand on that? 

I always knew the French are deviants:

32 minutes ago, Jake The Muss said:

It all depends on how England's oldest swingers in town bowl but England have had a knack of chasing challenging targets in recent tests...so all not lost just yet.

Really need to be near at least 200 in this first innings. Crawley is beyond useless as an opening test batter. One match winning innings in 47 attempts (piss poor).

That's going to be a challenge in this test, given that they're batting first, 7s.

It's not looking good in this test, but I'm not giving up on England's new philosophy just yet, @Last Cunt Standing. New Zealand have a good Test team and it paid dividends then.

Even if they lose this test or series there is an upside because it makes Test cricket more appealing to the masses.

I've nothing against a tense 5 day draw and 60 runs per session when the going is tough, but commercially speaking it still has to compete against T20 and The Hundred. Not too long ago I genuinely feared that test cricket was doomed.