Goober

10 minutes ago, Dyslexic cnut said:

Ever thought you’ve been done up like a kipper by Bill…like Roops, Doc?

No, I think he's a fucking idiot, much like I am certain you're a bin dipping, creepy, arse licking, Scouse twat whose death would be a boon to the whole world. 

9 minutes ago, Cuntybaws said:

I'd hope we can agree that they're all fucking nutters, even if we differ slightly on where to place the Plod who thinks he's some sort of Constantine in God's own Mackerel Snapper Battalion. Just think of him as an American Punkape and you'll see where I'm coming from.

I'm beginning to think that Punkape is KB light. Punkers, after all, is just an illusory parody, whilst Bilbo actually belives the shit he's spoon fed on whatever websites he frequents. 

It amazes me that someone cannot distinguish between a deranged, money obsessed, law breaking murderer and legal abortion providers. 

You've definitely got one thing right though, all Americans are all fucking menthol (sic). 

43 minutes ago, Ape™️ said:

I listened to some redneck wanker from Texas on LBC tonight explaining how banning abortion will deter rapists, as it makes getting rid of the “evidence” harder. What a vile bunch of cunts. 

If those rapists had the common sense to murder the women and bury them under a well built patio this wouldn't be a valid argument. 

1 minute ago, Ape™️ said:

I’m surprised you’re not out celebrating the American idiots deciding that guns have more rights than women. What a fucking country.

The God given right to arm bears and a state government mandated requirement to bear rapist's children and take severely deformed embryos to full term. 

You couldn't make it up. 

I'm buying shares in companies that make knitting needles. This time next year, I'll be a billionaire! 

5 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

It's proper advice like this that's missing from cookery programmes. 

I have never, once seen Heston Blumenthal or Gordon Ramsay demonstrate the correct method of overlapping salt n vinegar crisps in a cheese bap. Pretentious fucking cunts.

I like to arrange them such that they mimic the pattern of the scales on an Icelandic mermaid's arse. 

15 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

Is it best to put them in whole or crush them up a bit? 

I'd imagine the picked onion flavour hit would be maximised if the surface area to volume ratio is increased, so that argues for crushing them up, or maybe just breaking off the toes. 

Not to mention that you'd need a gob the size of a fucking horse's to eat a sandwich made from door stop crusty bread, mature cheddar and whole Monster Munch. 

27 minutes ago, Cuntybaws said:

Only a philistine would add Monster Munch to a Pule donkey cheese sandwich. That delicacy simply cries out for Space Raiders.

Good call.

Or you could track down these rare beasts:

However, at 65p a bag (or double that in a pub), only someone of Frank's means could afford such luxury. 

2 hours ago, Frank said:

It’s nothing to do with sophistication, you fucking lowbrow drip. Some of us live on a level that someone of your means will never comprehend. Alpacacunt. 

What are your thoughts on adding pickled onion flavour Monster Munch to a cheese sandwich? 

If the UK government send aid to the Taliban without some major conditions, I'm going to hunt down every member of the cabinet and curl off a runny shite into an eye of each and every one of them.

What's the point of chucking money around if you don't get concessions in return?

37 minutes ago, camberwell gypsy said:

I reckon she sold them and used the proceeds to buy cake. I bet Mr Kipling's shares fucking sky rocketed 

Shatner's Basoon. 

11 hours ago, Neil said:

https://www.edp24.co.uk/news/crime/norfolk-football-club-treasurer-slimming-pill-fraud-9087568

 

Begs the question, How many of the fucking things did the fat cunt take?

I've a feeling the ones she was buying were 80 calories each and, clearly, the obese munter consumed many, many thousands. 

There's no such thing as normal for Norfolk, thankfully. 

16 minutes ago, Cuntybaws said:

"Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad."

Or on Scotman's plate, apparently. 

5 hours ago, Cuntybaws said:

Too many vegetables for my breakfasting taste. Swap the mushrooms and tomatoes for deep-fried haggis and Lorne sausage and I'm in.

I know I'm being a pedant, but... 

Tomato - fruit, baked beans - legume, mushrooms - fungi. 

You're saying that potatoes alone qualify as too many vegetables?

Can't say I'm a fan of haggis, I'm not a heathen. 

@Eric Cuntman, just wondering if you might notice a particular demographic missing from this bollocks BBC story:

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-61831485

Yes, it's transsexuals. What a fucking disgrace.  

Also, If that bariatric cunt has managed to fire a sprog out of its twat recently, I'll eat my fucking fedora. 

Someone, please, kill me now. 

2 minutes ago, Cunty BigBollox said:

Roops only gave me about 4 days recently for something worse than this, I would have given her one. Fnarr, Fnarr.

Rather you than me. Takes all sorts. 

51 minutes ago, Roadkill said:

Only four bits of black pudding? Stingy cunts.

I agree.

Why they didn't go the whole hog with 12 rounds of fried bread (white, extra thick, Asda) is a mystery. Perhaps bread three ways is the mark of fine dining in Great Yarmouth?

18 minutes ago, Witheredscrote said:

Can't agree with you here Drew. Wolfie is more of a KFC man. He was drawn in by the 'Finger lickin' good' slogan, and that they only use very young birds.

See you in a couple of weeks. Probably. 

6 minutes ago, camberwell gypsy said:

I heard that he uses a long base van for this type of operation. The Rascal's suspension couldn't handle even one of these heffers.

It could manage half of one. Surely that's enough? 

31 minutes ago, Wolfie said:

At a guess, I reckon it weighs a fraction more than Frank.

No one is going to take that bet. 

21 minutes ago, camberwell gypsy said:

That would feed a whole Somalian village for a week or that fat cunt Big Narsti in one sitting. 

@Neil uses it as bait when he's driving up and down Great Yarmouth seafront in the Rascal. 

It attracts the larger specimens. 

34 minutes ago, Roadkill said:

I suppose so. Its probably only going to get worse as people are expected to work longer hours and the idea of a frozen pizza thrown in the oven for forty minutes is accepted as a "home cooked" meal more often. I'm not a stranger to the concept of grabbing a Pot Noodle or McDonald's when I'm in a rush and just need some fuel in me to stop me dropping dead, but I was lucky enough to be brought up by a mother who could easily reveal the low-quality shit that it was through even her most basic home cooked offerings.

I can throw together a chicken curry or chicken supreme in an hour, spaghetti bolognese or lasagna in an hour and a half and random throw-it-in-a-bowl shit like pasta and portobello mushrooms with garlic and mixed herb seasoning complete with a light dusting of Parmesan cheese in about forty-five minutes. If I'm feeling particularly homosexual, a salad takes five fucking minutes. You can literally throw anything edible on pasta or rice and it'll taste a fuck load better than anything that comes in a little box that you put in the microwave or is handed over to you over a counter in a paper bag - probably fill you up for longer, too - but even that is becoming a lost art.

Cunts just eat quickly sourced shite then end up snacking all day when the sub-par, empty calorie product oozes through their digestive tract on a blanket of chemicals and preservatives like the lazy idiot-slop it was designed to be.

Sometimes, you just need a dirty fried breakfast. 

Although, it would have taken me a week to finish the Kidz Breakfast, formerly available at Jesters, Great Yarmouth. 

Just 6000 calories. 

12 rashers of bacon, 12 sausages, Six eggs, Four black pudding slices, Four slices of bread and butter, Four slices of toast, Four slices of fried bread, Two hash browns, Eight-egg cheese and potato omelette, Saute potatoes, Mushrooms, Beans, & Tomatoes. 

2 minutes ago, King Billy said:

Apology accepted. If I’d known you were in the bin I’d have hung around till the bomb went off and not run away like a girl. It’s a surprise to find out that you actually know what a girl is. You’re possibly not as thick as you pretend to be.
KEEP BRITAIN TIDY

A rattled terrorist. Good work, Bill. 

51 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

Apologise for your previous islamaphobia.

Northern-Irish-a-phobia I can accept, Islamaphobia not so much. 

I can grudgingly grant a modicum of respect to fanatic Muslims that blow themselves up in public places if compared to the cowardly Northern Irish that chuck bombs in bins and run away like girls coming face-to-face with a money spider. 

32 minutes ago, King Billy said:

I would like to take this opportunity to announce that I am now a Muslim convert. I will henceforth and forthwith be dedicating my life to following the teachings of the prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) and any threats made towards me by any person (including insane vindictive women), who I now regard as inferior humans (religion innit) will be recorded as Islamophobic hate crimes.

Allah Ahkbar.

Congratulations on your conversion.

You're now likely to be slightly more rational than the average norn Ireland fucking idiot. 

Fuck off. 

28 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

I genuinely can't remember Jack Klugman saying anything like that.

I'm sure Quincy once said, "Sam, that stiff keeps farting its fermenting guts up the wall. It fucking stinks. Shove a dish cloth up its arse, you nippy bastard."

My memory might be a little fuzzy though.