Dyslexic cnut

Sean Connery walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance  and then casually looks at his watch for a moment. The woman notices this and asks ‘Is your date running late?’

’No’ he replies. ‘Q has just given me this state of the art watch. I was just testing it.’

The intrigued woman asks ‘A state of the art watch? What is so special about it?’

Sean explains ‘It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathetically’

The lady asks ‘What is it telling you now?’

Connery says ‘Well, it says that you’re not wearing any panties.’

The woman giggles and replies ‘Well it must be broken because I am wearing panties.’

Sean smirks, taps his watch and says ‘Bloody thing’s an hour fast!’

15 hours ago, Trucking Funt said:

There's no Odin, no Allah, no Zues and no fucking god either you gullible cunt. The next time you invite your priest round for a gay orgy, ask him why they had to invent everything at the first council of Nicaea 300 YEARS AFTER THE SUPPOSED DEATH OF CHRIST and why most Christian festivals match tally with the pagan ones that existed before them.

What are you doing for Sol Invictus this year? You grassing cunt.

Would that be ‘Zues’ the Ancient Greek god who lives on Mount Omlypus and is the King of God’s and dyslexia?

Always been a inspiration to me TF...

6 minutes ago, Old Chap Raasclaat said:

Why weren't supermarket staff required to wear them during the peak of the pandemic? Why have they only decided recently (in terms of the pandemic) that mask are required. They don't work especially the paper ones. The problem is the government has responded to the media hype and the sad doom and gloom panic buying cunts. 

We need someone with balls in charge.

Which probably rules you out, softshite.

19 minutes ago, Frank said:

Do not start a sentence with ‘So’. Not now, not ever.. never. 

You really are something of a cunt, after all.

Shallow cunts. I saved £4.20 on my rectal elasticity safety insurance because of this bloke so you can mock his delivery all you want you bunch of shallow, malfiscal idiots. Let’s see how clever you are when your inoperable prolapses occur with insufficient monetary coverance.cunts.

On 25/10/2020 at 14:31, camberwell gypsy said:

Fucking useless singer as well

Ffs

9 minutes ago, Cuntybaws said:

The Viz definition doesn't appear to be online, but there's something close on Urban Dictionary.

I wonder it that could possibly be OUR old chum HizerKite who posted it?

KITTEN EYES

n.Of a lucky lady who has just received a hefty load of hot fish yoghurt in her face, to have difficulty peeling her eyelids apart, in a manner reminiscent of a three-day old baby cat opening it’s minces for the first time. ‘Aw bless. She’s got kitten eyes look.’

’Quick. Freeze the frame, your Holiness. I’m nearly there.’

On 25/10/2020 at 13:44, Jiggerycock said:

I think Tory HQ got together and said 'The public need a bit of fun in their lives, now we've persuaded them that this is the Black Death they're living through, so, rock paper scissors - Chris Grayling or Dido Harding in charge of Test and Trace?!'

She's the British Kite Mark standard for piss-bloody-useless.

On her watch, Talk Talk paid out millions after a cyber attacjk and data loss but tshe still walked away with a golden handshake woth £squiddley-diidleys.

As a jockey she fucked up on Cool Dawn, before being replaced by a proper jockey who then went on to win the Cheltenham Gold Cup on it.

Clearly she's now found the perfect canvas on which to give the biggest possible expse of her true fucking uselessness

‘The old theory was that you build up expertise by doing GCSEs, A-Levels, a degree, MSC, PhD and then rise to the top-and they might call on you to run an emergency like a pandemic.’ But not with this bunch of cunts because here comes pig-farm Dido. Chum of Old Etonians, at Oxford with the pig-fucker general (the irony?) and married to the Cunt that’s desperate to privatise the NHS by stealth. The track and trace system is now fucked....wonder why? These cunts need to be jailed...this vacuous sow has no background in healthcare and no business being anywhere near the position her chums have put her in. She needs killing along with the cunts who positioned her. Nepotistic bacon-faced Cunt.

10 hours ago, Cunty BigBollox said:

Fucking useless, incompetent fuckwit in charge of 'managing' the UK's world leading test & trace system. This would have turned out better with Group4 or Jarvis Rail Maintenance in charge.

Beat me to outing this greedpig cunt by an hour, so...good nom.👍🏿

1 hour ago, Eric Cuntman said:

'A very tall Geordie detective'...

It's a riddle isn't it. Tall Geordie detective, Shirley Bassey.. 'Hey Big Spender'! Jimmy nail played Spender. 

You’re too good for me Eric...👍🏿

1 hour ago, King Billy said:

I didn’t realise you were Welsh DC. Your patriotism is a breath of fresh air in these times of unprecedented stench.

Shirley Bassey can go and get fucked, the cunt. ( Is she already dead?)

Fuck off...I’d rather Dai than be Welch.

The half-breed bint is still alive but her vulva, ovaries and cervix died in the early ‘90’s after she spent some time with a very tall Geordie detective. Alledgedly. Adultress-darkie-crooning cunt.

1 hour ago, Witheredscrote said:

According to your Granddad.    So being an absolute cunt runs in your family then.

Comments like that may lead to me send our squadron of Steinbachers down to your place, and I’m sure you know what will happen then? You feather-fucking bellwipe.

5 hours ago, King Billy said:

I challenged  spunkape recently to explain the murky deal the cunt has done with Communist China. This fucker has realised that if the arsefucking RC Church is to survive, the only way is to build allegiances with the most despicable and unchristian organisations on earth. TBH it shouldn’t really be a surprise to anyone if their past actions are anything to go by.

🇬🇧FUCK THE POPE🇬🇧

First to sign an ‘understanding’ with old Adolph in the early thirties incidentally and On-time-trains Benito...the list is endless.

19 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

Was that the one that @Piston posted of a doll nailed to a sheet of plywood?

Priceless..😁

2 minutes ago, Roadkill said:

Is the cunt even Asian? Honestly just looks like he lives in a bin and hasn't bathed in five years.

True. Who dreams these ads up? Would you look at the cunt’s cartoon, disfigured head and think...’Fuck Tesco’s, Sainsbury’s etc...that’s the place for me to buy food for my family?’ I hope they go bust..Big Paki corner shop cunts.

6 hours ago, Major Cunt said:

I'd still rather be English than French, Withers. If it wasn't for us you'd be speaking German now. You had an army in numbers to fend of ze krauts, but unfortunately neither the tactics or the backbone. You're all cunts bar Voltaire, and Pascal. 

French cnuts were firing at the landing craft on D Day....according to my Grandad. I’d still damage that bird who’s married to Sarkozy, in a perineum-rectum-tearing rampage with my swollen ‘prong d’amour’ but that’s just the sensitive romantic in me.

1 hour ago, King Billy said:

OK

1 hour ago, ChildeHarold said:

I was actually quite close to the Education Department at the Tower where you require a short course of re-education/treatment along the following lines:

# King Billy isn't really a king. 

# Monarchy is a tool to exploit the masses by the owners of capital

# Billy is very silly. 

# Dialetical materialism will ensure the extinction of every Billy and the victory of the proletariat who have nothing to lose but their chains. 

# Billy will be taught to pull the chain after he has done a number 2 in the toilet. Possibly twice. 

# Billy will exchange his next luxury break in Devon for a sponsored working holiday in the sugar cane fields of Cuba, flights and all expenses paid in exchange for a two page right up (waaah! write up) in the Islington Tribune.  

Careful H...

Place is a shithole full of shitcunts...and now, spies! Fuck off Wools.

Enough with the ‘noncery’ debate...surely the issue here is the Welsh cunt himself you pair of ‘thread hijacking cunts!’ ....etc...

Just now, Dyslexic cnut said:

Agreed. Cock-eyed, curry-munching cunt. Waddya expect though, when twi of his tribe have just bought the place?

‘Two’

21 minutes ago, Cunty BigBollox said:

Yes, the fucking goon in the Asda advert. What a fucking annoying cunt, if I see him in the Asda car park doing his pockitty tap-tap shit he's getting the front bumper of my car rammed into his stupid fucking head. Muzz Khan for those that are interested. 

Agreed. Cock-eyed, curry-munching cunt. Waddya expect though, when twi of his tribe have just bought the place?

26 minutes ago, Mrs Roops said:

You've hijacked your own thread!

Let’s see shall we?

2 minutes ago, Ape™️ said:

Why are you bringing “noncery” into this?

I’m wondering if I got dressed up in a cub-scout uniform, would I be allowed in? 🙄 Duh!

19 minutes ago, Jiggerycock said:

As with everything in the devolved administrations, this is all about politics.

Everything will be compared to England. If cases reduce Drakeford will declare himself a hero. If not, the virus has come from no lockdown England and Boris is to blame. If Welsh businesses go bust it’ll be due Tory underfunding, if they don’t the English taxpayer will receive no thanks.

Drakeford (and wee Nicola) have the greatest no lose political hand ever given to a politician.

All correct, but what about the noncery ?

I forgot...this cunt was a teacher, social worker and spent most of his career working with ‘youths’ which is disturbing when one considers that his son is a nonce who’s on the paedo sex offenders register...there’s lovely isn’t it ?