scotty

He's definitely two octaves short of a piano.

.....would that be the one he got all lathered up about when she came back to the office and told him she'd just been for a shit? He seemed to have taken that piece of information as a compliment and a come-on at the same time. Fuck knows what his flirting technique is.

...and how are his numerous girlfriends? Managing to keep them all happy, I trust? With scruffs unlimited wealth that shouldn't be too difficult.

Any more details on this, charlie? I'm intrigued.

Oh, you cunt scrotes. You lucky, lucky bastard. Stripped naked and bathed by diana dors, you can't buy those sorts of memories.

Back in the day, I'd have absolutely wrecked her. And don't get me started on diana dors.

I've seen the diet mancunians live on, bill. Trust me, it won't just be methane holes in mankys kecks.

Stop it, I'm getting excited.

....pedant alert.....pedant alert....baws to the main board....cunt on aisle three....

I just bought tickets for Dr feelgood as a Christmas present for my sister, gypps. Together with eddie and the hotrods, double bill.

Point of order your honour, I don't believe Ronco ever produced a rechargeable hand held blender. I await the inevitable rebuff with pictures from bawsy.

"you scumbag, you maggot, you cheap lousy faggot, happy Christmas your arse I pray God it's our last." Sheer poetry. She should never have got on that jetski.

You fucking cunt, I just spat out a bit of beer.

...fur fucks sake.

Jim is a reference to his username.

What in the flying fuck are you blethering about?

That wasn't me Jim, you're thinking of someone else. And I'm not about to go trawling through a website called Cunts Corner looking for a nomination about some cunt shitting his keks, my browsing history is embarrassing enough already.

....there it goes again. Keep quiet for a few days gypps, I'm running out of clean boxers.

Depends what school it was. Assuming he's referring to a private one, then the answer is yes.

....or Who Killed Bambi.

I did some stage work for U2 on their first tour, back in the early 80s. They were shit then and they're still shit now.

What was her name?

He'll live on in the hallowed pages of Viz. I'm sure that's what he would have wanted.

....if you're an arsenal fan.

Works for me.