Cuntybaws

For some reason I've always had this mental picture of Pen as Bunty James, although what she's doing spread eagled in that paddling pool full of baby oil I have absolutely no idea.

I start to get excited when I see the first Xmas advert, because that means that Creme Egg time isn't far away.

Always ensure you have the correct safety equipment for the job at hand.

A Peppa Pig advent calendar? That's ant-semitic on every possible level.

Wash your fucking mouth out with soap!

Double dumb-ass on you!

Only a fucking chicken? You heartless cunt. (Takes out large onion...)

The behaviour of the news channels has been fucking shameful. I expect it of Sky, but the BBC has been every bit as bad. It's meant to be an impartial national broadcaster, not an audition for the fucking X-Factor. I hope the recent trend of reporters getting shot in the face makes its way across the Atlantic sooner rather than later.

I've seen cunts on the heart & chest ward, riddled with emphysema and cancer, whining to be be uncoupled from drips and oxygen cylinders so they can go outside for a smoke. (This rush usually coincides with the ad break in the Jeremy Kyle show, which they will watch again later on the +1 channel.) I'd let the fucking arseholes take the oxygen cylinders with them, and spray the cunts with petrol as they lit up just to be sure.

I don't so much mind the dumb cunts at work smoking, per se - the sooner cancer carries them off the better. What flambes my piss is the sheer number of fucking breaks the indolent scum take in the course of a day. The cunts can fly across the Atlantic without a fag, but ask them to do 10 minutes of uninterrupted work and it's somehow beyond them.

I've been through this shithole a few times but not recently. A windy cunt of a place as I recall, yet somehow the smell of piss never seemed to dissipate.

If you can't do the time, don't do the crime.

This fucking freak show, er, I mean, this brave and beautiful woman has just been named as Glamour Magazine's "Woman of the Year". I'm off down the bookies to put a few quid on one of the Williams sisters winning "Man of the Year" before the odds shorten.

Ding ding, motherfucker!

You're fired!

And that was just Pen's nominations about trains!

Easy target.

If you ever forget your PIN just drop me a message.

That's a hidden level in "GTA - Glasgow" that gets unlocked after you crash the police helicopter.

I think we are in rats' alley, where the dead men lost their bones.

Here's one you might remember - "Still too mean to die Cuntspotter, eh?" Depleted uranium is a cunt.

Like Professor Henry Higgins, perhaps. "Why can't a woman be more like a man?"

Anyone's knees will bend the wrong way if you set about them with a Black & Decker first.

Do any of you cunts even remember "Dirty Cupboards"? Have some fucking respect!

Be careful what you wish for! http://www.jibjab.com/view/m3rbrUneTGC6anG7CDZ66Q