Jiggerycock

....and no skimping on the French fries this time.

Rob Halford of Judas Priest in a Cougar Ridgeback Armoured Fighting Vehicle with additional armour systems, specialist Nato-spec weapons, BOWMAN communications systems and electronic countermeasures equipment!

Harry Redknapp-lookalike motherfucker

Together with all this mumsy 'wrap up warm if you're going out because there may be spits and spots of rain' sanitised weather-speak. Carol McFuck is one of the first weather-bitches n a wind tunnel with a bag of sharpened spanners, come the revolution. There may be 'spits and spots of blood' on the turbine afterwards

Are they the new lyrics then? "My spade is grey - it should be pink parupa pum pum"

Luckily people seem to be coming to their senses and are voting with their arms and turning this bombastic X-Factor shite off in their droves

Can an Oak tree buy you a bongo mag Will a Ponsettia lend you a fiver? When was the last geranium to organise a stag do in Riga (complete with strippers and everything)? Canny fuckers, plants.

You haven't thought this through have you. Blow jobs at glory holes - that IS a meal (at least where I cum from)

I bet he sits around all day, tugging at his foreskin until his wang looks like Kenny from South Park

Diane Abbott planning to run for Mayor of London First time she's ran for anything. 'Waddled her porcine pseudopodia' more like....

This nomination totally lacks granularity

Black Friday? I'll say it is! Loading the i-pod with James Brown, Issac Hayes, Curtis Mayfield, Hendrix, Sam Cooke, Public Enemy, Randy Crawford and Bad Brains to Volume 11. I've a lifetime supply of gaspers, some booze and Pot Noodles and I don't plan on coming out from under the stairs until my X-Factor anti-retroviral drugs have started working Fuck you coppers - you'll never take me alive!

Dust to Dust Ashes To Ashes Scabies was here Until his Rav 4 dun crashes

Can you imagine a whole film with this kind of dialogue? Or a play? What about a football commentary, that'd be neat! "Hurst? iz he-acumminn brooooom broom, but brov spots peeps on de pitch! HAAA HAA wot goin around finkin itz orl over? Tiznow"

I think he's 'avant' He is be-bop! Modden langwidge? sez fukk I subvert bigtime HA HA fuckin' chortle.

Well I for one appreciate what you bring to the party - in a random, mentalist kind of way.

I started the day off with a nice 69 Nothing to do with golf - just me being a big old love-Albatross

I was saying the same thing to my kids, Mm-Denone and Dado-Rail only the other day

It's a market!!! Heaven - 1/3 The Monday Club - Evens Batley and Castleford Working Man's Club - 500/1

Sweaty and little? We do not know. A git? Almost certainly. Stupid? Played a former cabinet minister like a fucking computer game!

Big fan of your work Jazz. I think this 'flagflying to let the world know what's going on in your life' leitmotif has legs. "Well met my noble Lord Clit! Red fly the flags in the kingdom of Vulva this day?"

Fly the Saltire and you're a proud Scotsman Have a St Patricks Day party, waving the tricolour about and you're a happy-go-lucky, cheeky little son of Erin Fly the Welsh flag and no one understands, much less cares. Fly the Cross of St George and you're a racist

A cycling accident, yes, but the OP fails to mention whether this was a cyclist running into him, in some bizarre U2 jihad mercy-mission. Falling off his ego....or falling off The Edge. That was pretty shit wasn't it?

If you have been affected by any of the postings in this thread..... .....you need to have a strong word with yourself. If that doesn't work, FUCK OFF YOU DIV!. Go back to banging on your tambourine in your 'special' summer fete.Your mum won't be there to watch because she never wanted a backward boy who eats fag ash and shouts "HIYA" every time a person walks past.