Jiggerycock

Has anyone been to a gig and waved their hands in the air like they DID care? Well more fool them!

You may or may not be able to lay it but that's only the start of the million hells you've let yourself in for. Get the whole house done with this shit and it sounds like you've invited Buddy Rich, Charlie Watts and Bill Ward round for an impromptu jam session - FOR ALL FUCKING ETERNITY!

You've paid good money to go to a gig in the hope of sharing in an uplifting, communal, 'sticking it to the man' rock n' roll moment - oh no, wait, you haven't. You've gone to record it on some pathetic shit device, that at best will give you that 'I've got Parkinsons Disease' feel when you watch it and that 'Who let the wasps out?' feel when you listen to it, so you can have a 'ménage a un' watching it back on your laptop......you fucking spastic! Clappers? All a bit 'meh' really. Bit difficult clapping in time to Bolthrower, but I'm off to see Otway in Harpenden on Friday so maybe it'll be a bit more sedate and 'clapping friendly'. I'll get back and let you know.

I'm using Internet Explorer on Windows like every solid upright Christian - anything else is the work of Beelzebub. That's for anyone remotely interested in trying to help me with this 'quotes' fiasco, not a Beatles / Steve Hillage lyric

As you can see, still can't do the whole fucking 'quotes' thing. Fair boiling my piss that is.

Is that you Bawsy Or has Dave Lee Roth been on the crystal meth again?

I think we can all learn a lesson from Kiss frontman and renowned psycho-therapist Gene Simmonds, when, in the wake of Robin Williams' suicide, he opined that those suffering from depression should kill themselves and that he was the guy who yells 'Jump!' when he sees someone on top of a building. Way to go Gene!

Probably heard the fucker coming with his 'Youm be gooing dewn the beach' jive-ass accent and decided to do the world a favour

When you find it, plant a flag on it and claim it for good old Blighty!

Yeah - or else Woy going into meltdown after Rooney goes missing (sniffing around Dignitas for plausible sexual partners) again, giving us all another big comedy festival

Anyway, didn't 'Middle East Peace Envoy' Tony Blair sort all this lot out ages ago? Got us all to wear some pastel coloured wristband on account of how well that did for Breast Cancer?

No need for the Napalm of Pork A few thousand leaflets of the Prophet Mohammed showing him doing...well....pretty much anything you like. Get Brony to brainstorm a few ideas with the 'creatives' on this one. I guarantee he'll come up with something so offensive, each and every one of the savage cunts will have the aneurism they so richly deserve.

Compounding his imbecility by uploading a video of it. He couldn't have made Plod's life any more straightforward if he'd buggered Noddy over the Sergeant's desk at the Police Station.

As opposed to being a generic Barbapapa, rolling about the place like the boulder in Indiana Jones, before dying of a heart attack, not in their 40's but in their eighties after bleeding the NHS dry looking after their diabetes, hip replacement, gastric band ('because I'm big-boned, not really a fatty at all') and chronic halitosis.

Some days I feel like Rodney King. "Can't we all just get along"

Yeah! Right on!! Andy Pandy - that was another....

Bunch of fucking 'goody two shoes' Quislings, forever running off to Mister Corbett - usually to stitch up Butch who was the only one with any balls amongst the lot of 'em - just so they could get their patetented fisting daisy chain thing going on. Rev is bothered about football? He should turn is 'straight eye for the queer guy' on this little lot. It was like a puppet version of closing time at 'Heaven'

I too have been denied a vote - but I'm English and don't live in Scotland. That's either a completely valid point or the best non-sequitir ever, depending, I suspect, on how pissed you are.

Not a fucking chance. I'm the Ninja Poster! No one notices me. I slip easily from one dimension to another, antagonising no one, leaving no imprint of my passing. I could walk a cross Kung Fu's ricepaper and not leave a mark, dead easy. David Carradine was a cunt. As is the functionality of this digital shit-farm which STILL doesn't allow me to post quotes - shit piss bollocks arsecandles....

Would allow people one murder victim a decade - no questions asked, no comeback. You can just murder someone and go 'Yup, that was me - he was giving me random bad attitude so I just offed the cunt and now I'm claiming my get out of jail free card' for this decade.' That way you'd have to be a lot more pleasant and considerate of other people because you'd never know that when you decided to turn some shitty drum 'n bass tinnitus-inducing shite up to eleven in your Barryd-up near-write of mobile Halfords Sound System, that it wasn't Old Jiggs at the side of the road, armed with a shoulder launched Howitzer aimed right at you.

Also - this whole 'Time to Junction Whatever' jive-ass motherfuck speak. What sub-trainspotting sad sap knows the numbers of Junctions of motorways? I know where Bedford is, much though it pains me to admit it,and can remember it's off Junction 13 on the M1 because I used to drive there every day, but apart from that. Come on people - pop quiz time: What's at Junction 22 of the M25 other than a big fucking traffic jam and a dead badger?