Cap'n Cunt

We used to burn people that dressed like that.

Arnold Schwartzenneger had a 9mm, and he always wore his trousers properly.

Do you know how much it costs to deport someone? No, nor do I. But I bet it's more than 500 quid, which, apparently, is the local rate for having someone shot (plus bullets and VAT). Perhaps Roops could organise a CC whip round. And if there's any money left over, can we get that Welsh_Cunt shot, too?

So a gentleman of colour, believed not to be of European origin, managed to get a policeman's truncheon forcibly inserted into his rectum. Now, I've seen a bit of anal porn in my time, and I can't remember any instance of a white cuckold wife complaining to the police or going out rioting after having a big black shaft up her backbottom. In the interests of multiculturalism, I think any man of colour who gets buggered should just man up and live with it without complaint. Fair's fair.

I prefer older women. The older the better. For one, they're easier to catch; secondly, their screams aren't very loud; and best of all they seldom shave their minges.

Why are you surrounded by fellow perverts and ne'er do wells? Are you in the nonce wing of some prison establishment?

I'd like to write off 30 years of your life. With a spade.

Any game that entails sharing a bath with other men would seem questionable. Particularly so if you do it after a game of golf........'lol'

I reckon he's become addicted to zero-gravity wanks.

Well, if it's not flu, and it's not Parkinson's then we'll just put it down to you being a semi-literate twat. This in itself may not be the worst thing in the world, but perhaps you should not choose to display your inadequacies so publicly. Hopefully your imminent demise may put an end to this embarrassing fiasco.

If only you'd put a question mark at the end......

My money's on 'spacker'

I hope you're not a Nigerian trying to pass yourself off as a Welshthing. That would be the worst of all possible scenarios.

So English isn't your first language, then...

Amnesia is a common side-effect of electro-convulsive therapy. You'll probably need to Google that.

I once got sucked off by a carp. It wasn't concensual.

Advice from a fellow newbie: 1) Don't admit to Welshness; 2) Don't try and contract a terminal disease in the vain hope of sympathy; 3) Don't suggest that anyone's mum might have a cunt the size of a wardrobe. Now fuck off, you (probably ginger) Welsh cunt.

I love a good funeral. It's a nice day out, and being in close proximity to crying women usually gives me a boner. And you get a cup of tea.

WTF is that rusty thing? is it a steampunk arse-reamer?

I'd nail the cunt to a cross made out of dead civil servants and set light to it.

I'd nominate Bono out of U2, with Jamie Oliver as his rubber-lipped drooling halfwit assistant. And I'd like it if they could travel back in time to before either of them existed, and fucking stay there. Cunts.

Maybe you should wear one of these. That'd shut the fuckers up. Probly.

What, full of tourists? Or popular with people who like to explore big wet caverns?

Pancreatic cancer has me in stitches

It's of the Sunshine Variety. We take unfortunate cunts such as yourself on days out to Jaywick so you can see what you could aspire to if you were ever released to Care In The Community. Flid.