Last Cunt Standing

10 hours ago, Dyslexic cnut said:

Done the widow yet, Doc?

Unlike some Corner stalwarts, my cock isn’t 9000 miles long. 

4 hours ago, LastoftheMullets said:

Crikey cobber that's a lot of words to say 'I'm an easily triggered, sexually frustrated, interracial cuckold porn watching, foot fetish having soy boy cunt with a micro penis who thinks having a wine cellar and a swimming pool is bragging material' Bonza!

I'll let you get back to strangle wanking yourself in the dark in your wine cellar anyway.

“Trapped in a small tight dark crevice in Thailand”. Don’t tell me, you work at GCHQ and compile the Times Cryptic in your time off?

I don’t wanna be in your gang, your gang. Fuck off. 

The NHS turns 75 today. Happy Birthday old girl. You once were beautiful. Now you’re knackered, gasping for breath, and unlikely to make 80. The public mostly don’t give a shit. It’ll take a sprinkling of medical bankruptcies to change hearts and minds, and even then they’ll be too stupid to realise they've been tucked up by capitalist scumbags and the Daily Mail. 

I’ll raise a glass of Chablis in the general direction of Nye Bevan later. I’m a bit nauseous right now having just seen that oily bastard Barclay get defenestrated by Beth Rigby. In any normal country there wouldn’t be a free lamppost for miles. 

2 minutes ago, southerncunt said:

You appear to be the Budweiser of the corner. Plentiful output but fucking awful. If you doxxed yourself you’d appear as a spotty 16 cocksucker with a thesaurus.

Get the fuck off my thread, shit for brains.

Fret not Southern, he’s pretty much guaranteed to be extinct in hours. 

9 hours ago, King Billy said:

Sorry for your loss Doc. I know it’s not much but  I’m pretty much free all day tomorrow and I could pop over (anywhere in the Herts and Essex area) and give his missus one up the wrongun to help in her time of grief. I wouldn’t even ask her for petrol money for the M4, but I’m sure she’s probably the type of person who’d insist on clearing that up before I’d even grabbed her arse or tits. 

I’m not trying to be a hero or anything but my stepmum still tells everyone that she doesn’t know if she’d have coped without my help when my old man passed away suddenly. 

This pallet bonfire we were discussing….any hope of you throwing yourself on it?

Sitting out by the fire pit on a beautifully clear night, the stars shining in all their glory, as the Jarrah logs crackle away. Half a bottle of Glenmorangie down. I lost an old friend today in the UK. Fuck Cancer. This one’s for you Mike, may the odds be ever in your favour. 

20 hours ago, Roadkill said:

There'll be at least one Just Stop Oil cunt who glued themself to a motorway as the worst possible time for the future archaeologists to ponder over

Like the infamous Pompeii wanker, perhaps? I imagine the JSO fellow won’t stand up to a nuclear blast though. From what I’ve seen on the telly they are about 70% mung beans and tofu. 

1 hour ago, Mrs Roops said:

You know there is. I was addressing you surreptitiously slipping in yet another post-brexit anecdote. 

Are you Player or Referee this week, just so we all know? Or do you intend on continuing this schizoid position of straddling both camps? And by “straddling both camps”, I’m not surreptitiously slipping in a reference to those infamous Readers Wives shots we’ve all been struggling for years not to confuse with the Great Pit of Carkoon. And by Carkoon I don’t mean @Eddie. 

1 hour ago, Mrs Roops said:

Ah, that's the thing about farmers, irrespective of nationality - they always take a parochial viewpoint. In fact the Aussie farmers benefited from a similar FTA whilst the UK was part of the EU yet they never produced the allocation of produce afforded to them under the EU-Aus agreement so its difficult to see as to how they will take advantage of an UK-Aus FTA which provides tariff-free agricultural produce which is seven times the size of the previous agreement. The truth is that the British are very much into consuming home-grown produce so the reality is Australia will fill the gap that British farmers can't supply provided that Australia can transport the product half-way around the world. One benefit to the UK is that part of the deal, Australia will provide the necessary nod-through for the UK to join the far more lucrative CPTPP (Trans-Pacific).

Here's an interesting aside - The UK-Aus agreement provides for about £14 billion p.a. of agricultural trade (imports and exports). The recent UK-USA-Aus submarine deal where Australia will purchase British designed and built (with some American tech) nuclear powered submarines is worth £350 billion.

Well, thanks for that. I’m sure there’s a point in there somewhere.

7 hours ago, LastoftheMullets said:

I doubt you've ever been to Wales in your life you slimy little faux GP, soy boy cunt otherwise you wouldn't be saying anything as ridiculous and bizarre about somewhere that looks like this and generally has a high standard of living and nice lifestyle.

I read that in the event of a full scale war with the septics China has plans drawn up to send wave after wave of millions of PLA troops via cargo ships to invade america's 'west coast' and slaughter every yank in the country they come across, now imagine what they'd do to you yank poodles in australia and how easily they'd do it 😉

I saw a documentary about 'western straya' on BBC4 not so long ago actually, great train journeys or something and i must say it looks like a giant cat litter tray, fuck off.

Oh dear, my little joke seems to have upset you. It’s rather a good job this is written down (well done on that, by the way) as every other argument I have ever had with one of you leek-fancier types has resulted in me being covered in spittle as you mangle your way through vowels and consonants like Vorderman on acid. Your foot-stomping insecurity about how beautiful Wales might be speaks largely for itself. Personally I can’t forgive the place for giving me my first and only needlestick injury on a Rugby field just outside Merthyr. I wasn’t playing with you savages for clarity, rather one of your young ladies had offered to show me how green was her valley and I rolled on to the fucking thing mid-act. 

Your hope that the PLA will one day slaughter every Australian is quite sweet of you. I will pass it on to our Armed Forces next time I see any of them in the pub. Perhaps you could give my regards to your local sheep farmers, who seem to have been tucked up like rollmop herrings by the Aus-UK FTA Boris was so desperate to sign. The local livestock community here take the view that the competitive edge they now enjoy over the British farmer might be the best use of a packet of TimTams since Marianne Faithful toured Australia with the Stones. 

Get fucked you thin-skinned cunt. Go stick your head in a popty ping and give yourself three minutes. I’m sure any Welsh housewife can give you an idea of what three minutes waiting for something to happen feels like. 

2 minutes ago, Eric Cuntman said:

That was pretty much it. It was brilliantly done. The totally unprepared ‘regional government’ bunkers, basically the cellars beneath town halls, perfectly illustrated the futility of attempting to ‘just carry on’ in the wake of something so comprehensively devastating. Sure, it was theoretical, but it was researched and advised upon by an army of seriously qualified boffins in the field of nuclear detonations and the after effects. The most chilling and disturbing bit of cinema I’ve ever seen. 

I remember snapshots of it even now Eric. The tearful pregnant Ruth scraping wallpaper while the radio tells her how to take cover “when you hear the air attack warning”. The bloke on the bog when the bomb drops. The woman pissing her trousers when she sees the mushroom cloud. And what does the CND woman say, before they cart her off to the cells? “You cannot win a nuclear war”. Bang on. If it eventually kicks off in the Northern Hemisphere, you’ll find me slowly decomposing surrounded by the contents of my wine cellar. At least down here we’ll get a bit of warning of nuclear winter. 

37 minutes ago, camberwell gypsy said:

Bloody Jean King

Jo Dunkie

Tampax Shriver

 

Virginia Wad - she won it for the Queen, you know. 

I’m no stranger to discussions of a gynaecological nature, in fact I spent too high a proportion of my working life discussing menstrual flow with women of all ages. And a few men. 

I have to draw the line though at the LTA, who’s big PR drive this year to launch Wimbledon is to permit the XX community (aka “people with a uterus”) to wear dark undershorts, previously banned by the all-white kit policy, in case said Tennisette happens to be shedding the lining of her endometrium during a forehand rally.

Presumably these highly paid athletes are well aware that medical science has moved on from handfuls of straw or newspaper down the undercrackers? Believe it or not, medical science can now have a fair stab at controlling, delaying, or indeed stopping monthly bleeding for most women, particularly young athletic types. Surely this would be preferable to the now inevitable whispered commentary among the assembled Home Counties types about which young Russian bit of totty might be on the blob. Those choosing dark shorts might as well be marched on to court by a ball girl ringing a hand bell crying “unclean”. 

Former female champions presumably had to deal with this issue without coming onto court in thick black “dignity pants”, causing murmurings from the royal box. Chances are Steffi Graf and Billie Jean King were often shaking hands with the Duchess of Kent whilst haemorrhaging. We didn’t need to know then and we don’t need to know now. 

It puts me right off my strawberries and cream, for one thing. Cunts. 

12 hours ago, Eric Cuntman said:

“Now den Feargal, we’ll scoop the middle out of the ol’ fella, whip off da clackers, an’ stuff da sausage skin back up yer hole loike a big feckin scabbard. So we will.. now have a swig of yer oestrogen Guinness.

That’ll be thirty thousand euro to your good self, or tell you what, we’ll say a thousand euro a week for a year. I’ll send the boys round. Maybe you could marry big Dermot, he’s been looking for a new woman to keep his caravan tidy, keep him happy twice a week and we can call it an even ten grand. 

12 hours ago, Eric Cuntman said:

This is a Threads thread now.

pass the sheep guts and traffic warden sausages.

If memory serves at the end the population was reduced to a semi-literate grunting group of savages who were looting, raping and killing each other. Giving birth to mutant babies at 12. Watching old videos of children’s programmes in slack-jawed awe. Living hand to mouth in semi-permanent cold and darkness. 

Are we sure Wales hasn’t been bombed in Secret?

24 minutes ago, King Billy said:

The prospect of waking up some day soon and realising that I’ve become a small pile of radioactive dust while I’ve been sleeping isn’t a major concern to me RK, as I’ve been watching a lot of videos on the internet about what to do after that happens, and all I’m going to say is that I’ve made all the necessary preparations, which I’m pretty sure very few on here have. Forward thinking has always been my game. 

There’s a new vaccine for nuclear fallout, Bill. No doubt you’ll be first in line. 

2 hours ago, camberwell gypsy said:

Is that the ones without the meat and two veg?

Given the growth of transgenderism, I’m surprised your lot haven’t diversified away from whipping lead from church roofs and adding 2mm of purloined tarmac to pensioners drives. Surely there’s a caravan somewhere that an enterprising young Traveller can turn into a mobile dick guillotine? Huge money in it. 

15 minutes ago, Old Chap Raasclaat said:

Do you miss the single, care free days LCS? You know, when you'd shag some bird on a Friday night, not wash the bellend and go and get a blow job off of some slapper the next day. I'm 44 and have to admit the wild days are over... Getting old has crept up on me, damn it. 

Build your own reply; Student Nurses, Weekly Mess Parties, Hospital Accommodation, Subsidised Alcohol, 1980’s, 36 hours without sleep, the conditioning effect of exposure to death and misery, easy access to broad spectrum antibiotics and emergency contraception. 

Christ knows where we found the energy. 

13 minutes ago, Cuntybaws said:

Fucking Bazball, eh?

A flid's favourite approach to batting...?

Atherton, Boycott, Cook, to name but three. All built their game on never giving your wicket away. I’m all for flamboyance and acceleration, but not all the fucking time. Bazball my arse. 

I’m now wondering where a Flid might field? Fliddy Mid-Off? Short Leg?

35 minutes ago, Old Chap Raasclaat said:

Maybe a touch of luck but I like to think she couldn't resist a bit of Raas, we went for a afternoon drink and then night of Hotel passion followed... So she wasn't a total slaaaag. Definitely not a black thing LCS, she saw my dashing looks from afar and was always going to be mine, perhaps (being Mediterranean) she was drawn to my part Italian ancestry, who knows but what I do know is that it was as a most enjoyable experience. I tend to do quite well on holidays and women pick up on confidence and it helps if you're good looking to start with. Not a fan of those I only go out with/sleep with black only/white only women, they can fuck right off... I don't discriminate when it comes to fairer sex... What kind of life would that be? It's like going into a sweet shop and only allowing yourself one or two varieties. I had an Aussie bird on the list also, met one on Tinder a couple of years ago, fucked it but her pum pum wasn't the freshest. How about you, have you ploughed your way through the local Sheila's? Any aboriginal conquests you care to share? I hear there a loads of Asian's in Australia nowadays, a Japanese bird is also high on the list. 

Women... Usually utter cunts but a wonderful necessity. 

I’m married to an Aussie whose parents were Irish and Canadian. No ploughing, or pum pum reviews to share, I’m afraid. Yes I can confirm every second bloke I meet these days, especially young Australian men, seem to be plundering the women of SE Asia. The blokes report they like the “traditionally feminine” qualities of these young ladies. It’s reportedly causing quite a bit of resentment among the Australian girls, and perhaps as a result, lesbianism is rampant. According to the Sydney Morning Herald, anyway. 

Meanwhile at the Cricket, Bairstow spoons one to mid-on and it feels like 2-0 is a matter of time. Any rain forecast for NW8?

1 hour ago, Old Chap Raasclaat said:

She came from money as well LCS, she paid for the Hotel (which I didn't want or need her to) for our night of passion and debauchery, she fucked off around 4am, I had a full English breakfast on my own, with no bird giving me earache before going back to my Hotel, where she was there smiling at me as I returned, triumphant. 

Definitely touched by the lucky stick there Raas. May I ask, do you think it was a black thing? Just as you were ticking off another nationality, is it possible she too might have been trying out the Chocolate Swizzle Stick before settling for a more humdrum life with a Greek Feta Cheese Magnate? I hear “going QoS/black only” is quite a phenomenon these days, though @Eric Cuntman takes great offence whenever I mention it. What’s been your experience?

16 hours ago, Old Chap Raasclaat said:

She was a Greek beauty LCS, long flowing brown hair, amazing eyes and a body (shaved) to die for. It was one of those we both thought the other would provide the protection. Anyways, all was well, I had a great time and she loved it. No need for any medication and it remains a fond memory to this day. 

I’m no expert in the relative merits of Greek women, Raas, but as I sit here in the Winter sunshine sipping my coffee, I am struggling to think of a Greek stunner. My experience has been they generally don’t age well. I remember walking through a village in the Troodos Mountains circa 1995 and being harangued by lots of old Greek Cypriot women selling bags of unrecognisable fruit. They were all hunched double, toothless, clad in black, unusually hairy, and as wrinkled as an elephant scrotum on a cold day. Reminiscent of the witch in Disney’s Snow White, yet possibly only in their mid forties. I’m not sure I’d be able to shake that mental image if one of these Greek ladies offered to show me her Parthenon. 

3 hours ago, Old Chap Raasclaat said:

truestory, I've been to Paphos twice, partying and relaxing and I had a sexy Czech bird and a lovely Cretan twenty something who worked in the hotel with no help from any App or Brothel. I had a great time, partying in some club I can't remember the name of, staying up all night and ending up on the beach with the Czech bird. I swear the Cretan bird was in a relationship and she let me go in bareback, imagine that was your girlfriend or wife... what a dirty slaaaag. Anyways that was a taster of the Raas Cyprus chronicles and I was wondering what you thought about it?

I think going in Rawdog on a Crete-ture is a fairly bold move, Raas. Did you need antibiotics?

Jonny Bairstow just lifted a Just Stop Oil protestor off the field in a manner not unfamiliar to @Eric Cuntman at closing time. I hope he hasn’t injured himself.

Instant peerage for YBJ. If it’s good enough for that 29 year old blonde who worked under BoJo…

15 hours ago, Eric Cuntman said:

I’ve always pictured you as Ken Dodd.

Well if she’s any reflection on her community, she’ll have a similar attitude to HMRC.