Major Cunt

6 hours ago, Stubby Pecker said:

It’s true; @Frankwas at Barrymores that fateful night and was the key instigator of shoving a glass ashtray up that poor benders arsehole 

Barrymore is currently his civil partner and they share a bed every night with a least one black man 

Have you ever seen the eyewitness sketch of the George Harrison looking suspect seen in Portugal on that fateful night the McCann's decided to attend a swingers party, Stubbs?

3 minutes ago, Old Chap Raasclaat said:

Sound good to me, however if the escorts are there and the drink and white stuff is flowing, I'd have to insist on @Frank keeping away. I wouldn't want to be out of it with him lurking around. 

That's a fair point. He never mentions Barrymore's pool party and the shenanigans that played out to Wham's Club Tropicana.

I'll make sure that the escort's are on Bollinger pouring duty and also responsible for chopping up the Bolivian. At least that way there's less chance of him slipping us a Rohypnol.

25 minutes ago, pegleg said:

I guess being dead does rule her out.

Sleazy co-religionist Joan Collins wud be good too but is older then old .

Would you have slipped her length in her heyday, Peg?

I definitely would have. I reckon she banged like a barn door in a force nine gale...

2 minutes ago, Old Chap Raasclaat said:

I saw his 'Drumming' video and it was shite. He looks like he's got a few quid so I might offer him my old conked out Apple Mac G4 and a cracked version of Logic for a few grand. 

I'm sure whatever he makes on that old shite will be an improvement on his current 'music'.

Another cunt with all the gear and no fucking idea.

We could play a bit of Stock, Aiken, and Waterman here. Fuck know who's gonna be Waterman though.

I'm thinking as he's got a few readies we could offer to produce him a quality comeback song. Obviously we'll be insisting on first class travel, the finest escort's, and a few other overheads.

If he's not interested then sell him the Mac, but make sure you employ Panz's boy's so he's in for a suprise when it's plugged in.

27 minutes ago, Old Chap Raasclaat said:

Nice one, I'm into equipment and like most always want more, and better equipment. Used to work in the box for ages, but now like to add some analogue/valve external processing to warm up the sometimes cold digital audio. I see you use KRK's, check out Eve Audio (formed from a former Adam founder I think) they are quality monitors.

Trying not to buy anymore processing software/hardware and if I buy anything more it'll be creative (dream synth is the Moog Voyager). 

 

You certainly don't get the banter we engage in here on 'Dogs on Acid'. It's mainly full of fucking halfwits with all the gear and no idea.

Some fucker was asking me about recreating the Tramen break. I said that you could if you wanted but it's a compound of three different breaks so why not just layer the hits differently, and use one of the different kicks and snares. Voilà - you've now created an original break.

I love to use the crash on the amen and have found that layering a cymbal over it sounds refreshing and catchy.

I love hardware but it has now become so expensive compared to it's cost 10 years ago. An Akia sampler is definitely on the list due  to the unique sound.

Nice one for the tip regarding Eve Audio - I'll check them out. Frank's gonna piss his white chinos after reading our exchange as the man's under the illusion he's a musician.

Definitely a Liberace though.

2 minutes ago, Old Chap Raasclaat said:

Yes I do Major, done stuff for TV and various different (usually dance) productions. Self taught on an old Atari and Cubase then studied and got some qualifications, moved on to Logic and now Pro Tools. Wiring up the studio again this week after some time off, can't wait...got some new software, top quality audio interface and a TL Audio stereo Valve processor ( EQ, Dynamics).

The neighbours can go fuck themselves. 

😁

Fair play. My first set-up was also an Atari accompanied by an Akia S900 I believe and a Korg keyboard with the obligatory Cubase.

I'm not a classically trained musician, but if a notes off then my ears pick it up. Obviously over the years I've learnt octaves and semitones, and various chords.

Jungle has always been my passion and I've been fortunate enough to have some of my tunes pushed by artists I rate.

I'd love to live next door to Judge so that I could crank the KRK's up whilst knocking out a 40hz sub-bline.

That's a nice set-up you've got there mate, and if you haven't used Ableton yet then I suggest you have a butchers. It's work flow and stock plugins are shit hot.

Just now, Old Chap Raasclaat said:

How you been Major? Haven't seen you around these parts since my early days. Yes Lemon D and Dillinja (Dillinja especially) are masters at compression and their work is best heard on the Valve sound system. 

Are you into production?

I'm going to nominate modern consumer sound quality soon. 

A lot of people don't realise Lemon D made breakbeat/hardcore in the early nineties before Jungle/Drum & Bass.

Love this one. 

 

 

Unfortunately I received another ban after seeing off some cretin who was giving it the large, and the führer hammered me.

I know my way around a studio after starting to dabble in production in the late 90's, and then jumped back into it about ten years ago.

The good thing is that any cunt can make a tune these day's but the bad thing is that anyone can also make a tune.

I've been really meaning to put some more commitment in this year, but generally just do duplates for mates who play out.

The Valve System is fucking quality and I've been fortunate to hear it a few times.

Check out 'Something I Feel' by Lemon D.

Do you produce yourself mate?

12 minutes ago, Old Chap Raasclaat said:

🔥 That amen break is killer, think I might have that on vinyl. I need a line, and a rum and coke. 

Indeed. The break work is phenomenal and chopped to perfection. Lemon and Dillinja are the masters of compression.

Any excuse for a line old boy.

19 hours ago, Old Chap Raasclaat said:

Let's ave it. 

 

Got a feeling you'll appreciate this one, Raster's!

2 minutes ago, Stubby Pecker said:

@Bill Stickers show yourself you left wing Thai dwelling creep

I reckon the beret wearing commie is probably residing at the Bangkok Hilton. After spunking all his student loan on ladyboy's he was made an offer he couldn't refuse. "You like it here Bill, don't you?" Just drop off this suitcase in Phuket, and I can assure you that you'll never pay for a back scuttle again.

Let's just hope that the king grants him clemency in ten years time, and he manages to kick his prison acquired smack habit.

6 hours ago, Wolfie said:

Hey GG, I noticed you visited the site at around 3.30am (last night or this morning, which ever way you look at it), which suggests you're either: 1) returning from work as an assembly line safety inspector in a round-the-clock seatbelt factory (thus making use of your gregarious personality), or 2) you've rolled in after a ten-hour bender, specks of cocaine lining your alcohol-stewed nostrils as a result of snorting line after line from some whore's arse crack.

I think I know which it is, lol.

Dunno much about him, Wolf, but if his comments here are anything to go by then I'd imagine sleep apnea was the case. After slipping into his crocks for a Horlicks and deciding upon a late night peruse he was fortunate not to encounter the 3am club. Although most of these former punters are either detained under the mental health act, doing bird, or hiding out in South East Asia, but you never know...

1 minute ago, Stubby Pecker said:

He was listening to/watching the cricket like me, the silly cunt 

I like you, Stubbs, but staying up late to listen to cricket on the wireless is unacceptable. Even watching it makes you a complete cunt. It's the most mind numbingly boring team sport behind curling.

Personally I'd suggest that you start watching the UFC. No fight lasts longer than 25 minutes, and even if you stepped into the octagon with a cricket bat you'd still get battered harder than a pool guest at Barrymore's.

On 14/06/2020 at 20:08, Frank said:

Jesus Christ, you thick fucking twat. How do you live with yourself? Fuck me. 

I've missed your unique knee slapping one liners, Franco.

You'll always be craftier than a shit-house rat, and lower than a snakes belly.

Take some solace in that, you crane-fly legged mince cunt!

On 05/01/2022 at 22:13, Dead Penelope said:

They look like tosspots.

What was the thinking behind your Calvo moniker, Pen? Did he have a cock to rival a shire horse, and shovel sized hands incapable of holding a Biro, but more than a match for your Crewe conga.

Lol...

On 03/01/2022 at 22:11, King Billy said:

‘Should’ve gone to Specsavers’ is suddenly making sense.

Finally. As I happened to spot a bloke standing on the bonnet of his MK2-M5 while attempting to persuade festive spruce lovers that the curvature of the earth starts in Mare Street.

He was also sporting a jade coloured tracksuit whilst downloading the teaching's of the sun god - strangely reminiscent of David Icke on Wogan.

On 01/01/2022 at 11:20, ratcum said:

what's going on Jewdy? Who is this Johhnie come lately MC cunt anyway?

What the fucks happened to you, Herr Oberst? I receive a ban and hear the gates slam behind me. I felt like Fletch in 'Porridge' but lacking a Godber or Groutie this sentence was tedious to say the least.

"Johnnie come lately cunt", indeed. I'm gonna let it slide this once, Oberst, but if it happens again I'll be informing the Anti-terror command that your regular Essex to London sorties are in fact recce flights.

Sort your fucking self out!

On 01/01/2022 at 23:20, Decimus said:

What a gay fucking cunt you are, Drew.

He's certainly a bungalow dwelling, hopeless alcoholic that will probably rival George Best in the liver transplant stakes, but I've never had him down as a shirt-lifter.

The sites either taken a complete nosedive in quality recently (likely, upon reviewing the month's I've missed), or Drew's cut down to 25 units a day as I was staggered to find him topping the leaderboard yesterday.

I've also noticed a proliferation in newbie spackers.

1 hour ago, Eddie said:

Give it a rest Rick Fucking Mayall, boring Rebel without a clue cunt. 

Rebel without a Jew.

Happy New Year, Ed.

8 hours ago, judgetwi said:

 

I’ve got to you haven’t I Marjorie? I’ve made you and your little dim cyberspace mates cry ain’t I? Oh dear, how sad, never mind. It’s not my fault you are a little bullshitter is it Marje, let’s be fair? 

Still, keep bunging your money to that other fraud, Mr Roops, on your bent credit card and i’ll soon be gone. He can’t handle me any more than you and your arse crawling mates. 

It’s all about democracy Marje! 🔺

Don't flatter yourself, Jew-boy. You've only ever brought tears to my eyes through laughter, but never sorrow.

If you bothered to read my above post then you might have picked up on the sage advice that could free you from the triangular shackle, but then again you're not that bright.

Personally I blame the Yiddish education system for drilling into your gammon the dubious six million figure. You're comfortable playing the victim card as it's in the tribes blood.

How about putting your fat hands in your pocket and bunging the Fuhrer a few shekels. I know that you're inherently a tight cunt so I'm prepared to tick you the fee.

No need to thank me, obviously!

12 hours ago, judgetwi said:

Ah, there you are Marjorie! So Mr Roops has allowed you back on with no restrictions 🔺. Well, there’s a fucking surprise...... who would believe it eh? 

I shouldn’t worry about the Peaceful cocks you took in your mouth and up your arse back in the nick. They were desperate mate, but you are far too old for them these days. They ain’t coming after you now Marje, guaranteed.

You know you can trust me.

I'd imagine that a freshly liberated Treblinka inmate complained less of their fate than you.

For a cripple that's apparently so smart you've failed to grasp the concept of the more you moan the longer you're muzzled. Considering that this has been going on for over a year I'm drawing the conclusion that you really ain't that bright.

The peacefull's will allegedly fuck anything. So next time you're short for a four pack of Special Brew just offer Abdul that fat Jewish arse you speak of.

No need to thank me.

11 hours ago, Dyslexic cnut said:

Best not to ‘think’, Gronzo, you’re bound to hurt yourself. Fuck off.

Frank's bunged the CPS a few drachmas in an attempt to overturn your not guilty verdict. Apparently there's an Irishman who's not only corroborating his claims, but is also in possession of new evidence originally missed in the first investigation.

I'm sure that it's not what you'd like to hear at the beginning of a New Year, but the presiding judge seems to be fair and I'm willing to take the stand in your defence.

Gutted that I was doing porridge during the first trial.

6 hours ago, King Billy said:

You’re wasting your time Major. Poor Panzy doesn’t know shit from a pint of warm Guinness nowadays. He’s spent his whole life celebrating his countries heroic fight and eventual freedom from the tyrranical Brits, and for some weird reason now seems even more emotionallly disturbed by the U.K.s departure from the EU of which Ireland is a junior and totally subservient member. I think our little spud fondler just can’t let go and celebrate the Imperial British enemy sailing further off into the distance.

I was going to suggest it might be ‘Stockholm Syndrome’ but that would mean the poor boy is in possession of an at least partly functioning brain of some sort, something which he’s shown no sign of since I’ve been here.

Indeed. The backwards bog-trotter seems to be more obsessed with Brexit than Nige Farage, and more abreast with it's developments than Boris (not exactly difficult as covid seems to have reduced his IQ to 25).

I'm hoping that this year Panz can finally drop his tedious news updates, and start regaling us with tales of the porkers he's shafted in the 1989 Transit passion wagon again.

I'm obviously not going to hold my breath as there's probably more chance of him finally getting his permed mullet restyled.

On 08/12/2021 at 20:59, PANZER MURPHY said:

Anyway i think yer terrible ungrateful people givin out about yer gift ..are yer fleets still locked out of Norwegian waters..but they can still plunder yers...askin for a friend 

PANZERMURPHYBABY 

Enough of this shit, Paddybaby. In a past life I held the rank of major in military intelligence, and was instrumental in passing on the funeral details of the ASU slotted by the SAS in Gibraltar to the loyalists. The plan was to take out Adams and McGuiness by the graveside, but we didn't take in to account Stone's incredibly poor hand to eye coordination.

Let's hope it doesn't all kick off again, but if it does I'll be personally informing the security services about the cache of AK-47's  you're hiding in that Limerick bedsit you call home.

17 hours ago, judgetwi said:

Has someone upset you Skippy? Not buying into your middle class, I know best bullshit? I have the same feeling every time the binmen leave a bit of litter on the pavement on a Friday morning. Somebody should be chasing those oiks up to do their job properly don’t you agree? I sympathise with you Skippy I really do.

It’s a fucking tragedy.

Did your carer's adorn the scooter with a star of David this Christmas, Jewdith? 

Also have you been receiving my various PM's regarding the Rothschild's, Rockefeller's, Bilderberg Group, and other related Christ killer activities?

I didn't expect a reply to be fair as it was probably filtered by the furher using the Proper-whizz-bang-anti-semitic-message-algorithim.

Shalom!

Just now, Paulie said:

Look "Major", don't get crabby with me because you're on a no-parole life sentence on the nonce wing at HMP Frankland.

You'd better behave or I'll call the governor and you'll have your shit stained burner iPhone you've been posting with confiscated.

Yawn. You've fucked yourself here, son, but call the old bill if you like.

I'm waiting.