The Office Christmas Dinner

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God help me, i am up for this annual cuntfest next Friday. Other than your wife going into labour or your nearest and dearest being slaughtered by a serial killer there is no escape. The organiser( a total wanker) always puts me between 2 old cows who i have barely spoken to before. Oh yes, it's crackers, santa hats, tinsel reindeer horns, every fucking cliche you can imagine. Inevitably the phone comes out, the family photos are paraded before my glazed eyes and i am treated to the life histories of cunts i have never met and never will. After 3 or 4 glasses of wine it's--"Oh Ronnie, i never knew you were such a nice bloke." NO!! I'm a fucking cunt who has developed a 2 and a half hour tolerance for arseholes and your time is running out bitch! It's only the social mores, the need to earn a living and the fear of prison which stops me punching your ugly stupid face in. Oh, fuck me is that the time? I've booked a cab for 10--must fly--see you Monday my new fucking friends. The things i have to do to prevent my exposure as a total fucking cunt! It shouldn't happen to a dog!