White Cunt Posted February 16, 2015 Report Share Posted February 16, 2015 After paying £ 800, for a body of my relative to be cremated (just cremation, funeral - very decent, was of course a seperate cost), I went to collect the ashes. I suppose I was expecting to pick up a neatly presented urn or a simple, yet tasteful wooden box, with the name and other details beautifully inscribed on top/side. Imagine my shock, when I was handed a huge container of what I can only describe as tomato-type fertiliser grow-more container, made of cheap green, shitty plastic. There was a white stick-on label on the front, with details scribbled on by some fuckwit, who wouldn't be able to produce three crosses as his own signature. The fertiliser box came with it's own, colour-matched, garden sack-type carrier. WHAT THE FUCK? I had ashes of my dead animals presented in a more attractive, humane and decent fashion. Oh, and to mention, I had to go for a second time, because the cunt in the office had fucked off at 4.45, even though the place was supposed to shut at 5. Public service cunts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 16, 2015 Report Share Posted February 16, 2015 Why did you want your relative cremating Whitey? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
White Cunt Posted February 16, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 16, 2015 All members of WC clan are great fans of crematoriums. But I may change my preference after this fiasco. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
White Cunt Posted February 16, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 16, 2015 I don't want to come back as a pansy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest JackoTC Posted February 16, 2015 Report Share Posted February 16, 2015 We used my Dad's ashes to grit the driveway when we had bad snow and ice a few years back. They came in a handy plastic tub, but no scoop. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
White Cunt Posted February 16, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 16, 2015 We used my Dad's ashes to grit the driveway when we had bad snow and ice a few years back. They came in a handy plastic tub, but no scoop. I take it, there was no close bond? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
White Cunt Posted February 16, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 16, 2015 You only get the dignified urn and due solemnity if the cunt was dead prior to the cremation. I wish the fucking staff was alive for cremation. In fact, something to mull over... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest JackoTC Posted February 16, 2015 Report Share Posted February 16, 2015 I take it, there was no close bond? In fact, there was. But we were always a practical family. I had the top inch of a finger chopped off many years ago and we used it to block up the big keyhole in our old porch to stop the draught. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest MikeD Posted February 16, 2015 Report Share Posted February 16, 2015 In fact, there was. But we were always a practical family. I had the top inch of a finger chopped off many years ago and we used it to block up the big keyhole in our old porch to stop the draught. Our family was close as well, mum always said I was a better shag than dad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
White Cunt Posted February 16, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 16, 2015 In fact, there was. But we were always a practical family. I had the top inch of a finger chopped off many years ago and we used it to block up the big keyhole in our old porch to stop the draught. Didn't that attract the flies and made things worse? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 16, 2015 Report Share Posted February 16, 2015 Our family was close as well, mum always said I was a better shag than dad. Kill yourself... fucking student cretin Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest MikeD Posted February 16, 2015 Report Share Posted February 16, 2015 Kill yourself... fucking student cretin You never say anything worthwhile or funny....ever. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
White Cunt Posted February 16, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 16, 2015 You never say anything worthwhile or funny....ever. Frank is only jealous. He leads in this field. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest JackoTC Posted February 16, 2015 Report Share Posted February 16, 2015 Kill yourself... fucking student cretin Francis - have an ogle at this Brora Diamond Chartouche. This is what I have been wearing this season. I'm sure I will soon be allowed access to all of those fucking places that barred me over the years, if I keep getting my shit together at this rate. http://www.brora.co.uk/Product/Category.aspx?WebShopCodeStr=S5&WebSegmentCodeStr=S1&WebCategoryCodeStr=ZA Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest MikeD Posted February 16, 2015 Report Share Posted February 16, 2015 Frank is only jealous. He leads in this field. The cunt should be buried in a field. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest JackoTC Posted February 16, 2015 Report Share Posted February 16, 2015 Didn't that attract the flies and made things worse? We boiled it in some vintage Sloan's Liniment beforehand. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
White Cunt Posted February 16, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 16, 2015 People are dying to get into a crematorium. I believe Auschwitz Birkenau do a really good send off and its free. Too crowded these days. A complete lack of privacy, I am afraid. Now Dachau... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Gong Farmer Posted February 16, 2015 Report Share Posted February 16, 2015 No in Dachau you starved to death or died of typhus but if you had been in there when the yanks liberated it they did a nice send off for 300 SS guards when they just shot the fucking lot up againt a wall and you could have slipped into the line. You seem to have an obsession with death don't you? Wishing death on people and all. I wouldn't wish death on you personally, I'd wish you a happy and healthy life because I know that people that wish death on other people don't have happy and healthy lives themselves. You poor doomed soul. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
White Cunt Posted February 16, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 16, 2015 No in Dachau you starved to death or died of typhus but if you had been in there when the yanks liberated it they did a nice send off for 300 SS guards when they just shot the fucking lot up againt a wall and you could have slipped into the line. That is still preferable to over stuffed crematoriums at Auschwitz. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Gong Farmer Posted February 16, 2015 Report Share Posted February 16, 2015 I have a rose tree with all my family's little brown plaques on a stake tied up against it. I have never seen the rose tree in bloom cos every time one of my family dies its always fucking cold and raining. The tree costs £52 a year, I did pay for five years last time at a cost of £245 but I'm the only cunt paying for it now so I pay yearly in case I drop dead all of a sudden. So you're the family sap then? I bet the rest of your family are laughing their nuts and tits off about that. I would. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest DrCunt Posted February 16, 2015 Report Share Posted February 16, 2015 Gong and Del are being rather inflammatory tonight. They must have a burning desire to get banned. I'll get me coat. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cuntspotter Posted February 16, 2015 Report Share Posted February 16, 2015 Yes, lads.... Calm yourselves. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 16, 2015 Report Share Posted February 16, 2015 Francis - have an ogle at this Brora Diamond Chartouche. This is what I have been wearing this season. I'm sure I will soon be allowed access to all of those fucking places that barred me over the years, if I keep getting my shit together at this rate. That's smashing Jackie. I was in Liberty yesterday.. bought myself a pair of suede Church Chelsea boots and a pair of Helmut Lang white skinny jeans. For the first time in years, I asked them to remove the tag so I could wear them straight away. Fresh. http://www.brora.co.uk/Product/Category.aspx?WebShopCodeStr=S5&WebSegmentCodeStr=S1&WebCategoryCodeStr=ZA Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cuntspotter Posted February 16, 2015 Report Share Posted February 16, 2015 Frank , you truly are a metrosexual kinda guy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Gong Farmer Posted February 16, 2015 Report Share Posted February 16, 2015 Gong and Del are being rather inflammatory tonight. They must have a burning desire to get banned. I'll get me coat. It sounds like I should be getting my coat. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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