Guest Bill Stickers Posted June 8, 2015 Report Share Posted June 8, 2015 My favourite type of shit is the "master locking turd", followed by a few seconds of explosive liquid feces. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rev Posted June 8, 2015 Report Share Posted June 8, 2015 (edited) Practical advice as always, mate. I had a particularly stubborn bastard this morning after foolishly partaking in the mother-in-law's homemade Dundee cake. Fortunately I keep a rubber dog bone by the bog for just such an occasion. Just before the veins of my forehead ruptured I delivered a baked bean tin-sized beauty that wedged in the bowl taper before reaching the waterline. It seemed a shame to flush it away so I left it for the next person to enjoy ~ 37 minutes 5 seconds.A favourable result, as I'm sure we'd all agree, mate. After a Saturday meal of garlic bagel, smoked salmon, chives and attendant cream cheese, followed by a simple repast of Prince of Cambridge scone and a board of peppered ham, pancetta, Brie and Emmental on a day out to St Andrews, I can feel the burgeoning quake of explosive, but no doubt, perfectly clustered and tapered rectal discharge, the vapours of which I've shared quite freely around the Coitus household, to sage nods of approval this morning. It smells just as good as I presently dilate for breech as it did going down. This beauty is going to be photographically catalogued as a Classic. I shall record the timing once all afterbirth has been fully discharged. Edited June 8, 2015 by Rev 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Snatch Posted June 8, 2015 Report Share Posted June 8, 2015 I had a dose of the shits yesterday.1 minute,35 seconds.5 times. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rev Posted June 8, 2015 Report Share Posted June 8, 2015 (edited) A great moment missed, Snatchers. These are things that are meant to be savoured. Thank you kindly, Drew. A record 32 minutes, 26 seconds here. A pleasing beginning, rather uneventful, yet ungainly waisted mid-section and what could only be described as a classy glossy-sheened tail-piece, reminiscent of a Bordeaux jus served at more upmarket restaurants. After flushing (second attempt), it left a long-lasting slightly green-tinged puddle at the bottom of the bowl, not unlike the colour favoured by working class scum when tinting the windows of their 18 year old Vauxhall Nova, or indeed the quite fucking dreadful curries we got served at boarding school. A pleasant birth, well worth the exorbitant prices as suggested by the tea-rooms of the old Royal Burgh. The Reformation Martyrs were cunts. Edited June 8, 2015 by Rev Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest judgetwi Posted June 9, 2015 Report Share Posted June 9, 2015 41 minutes 52 seconds for my last one, Jacko. It was a fucking corker. Took me two chapters of "Rudolf Hoess: My Time At Auschwitz" to squeeze out the last pellets and I had to break the fucker in two before the cunt would flush. As luck would have it, one of the missus' hair-brushes was within arm's reach when I launched the bastard.Fuck me, it must be difficult trying to sit down on the bog with a massive great stalk on. I hope you didn't defile the sacred pages of your hero's book by spunking all over it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rev Posted June 9, 2015 Report Share Posted June 9, 2015 Fuck me, it must be difficult trying to sit down on the bog with a massive great stalk on. I hope you didn't defile the sacred pages of your hero's book by spunking all over it? Shit. You've rumbled me, Jugs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest judgetwi Posted June 10, 2015 Report Share Posted June 10, 2015 Shit. You've rumbled me, Jugs.No need to patronize me Your Reverence. We both know this is hardly some stunning insight on my part. Still, at least you have finally decided to stand up for your beliefs and stop backtracking like the other wankers. You have my respect for that, although i suspect it means fuck all to you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank Posted June 14, 2015 Report Share Posted June 14, 2015 No need to patronize me Your Reverence. We both know this is hardly some stunning insight on my part. Still, at least you have finally decided to stand up for your beliefs and stop backtracking like the other wankers. You have my respect for that, although i suspect it means fuck all to you.The Rev's silence is golden. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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