Neil Posted June 1, 2015 Report Share Posted June 1, 2015 What the fuck is it that makes people want to sit in a cloud of their own stench for 20 fucking minutes or more?.I will never get why anyone can take so long to unload,get in,drop the kids off at the pool and fucking get out.Why would you want to sit on an uncomfortable seat,surround yourself in a fog of last nights curry and generally go into a coma for that length of time?,fucking boils my piss when I cant get in the karsi cos some cunt has decided to read War And Peace and do a good impression of Terry Waite. For fucks sake,shit,get off the pot and fuck off! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Bill Stickers Posted June 1, 2015 Report Share Posted June 1, 2015 When we were nippers, my brother used to take a bowl of cereal up to the shitter. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jiggerycock Posted June 1, 2015 Report Share Posted June 1, 2015 (edited) It's one of life's little pleasures, sitting there, taking life easy, away from the noise and the admin of life.I took a Bible in there with me once and got from Genesis to the Song of Solomon in one particularly Guinness and Phall-fuelled evacuation.....reading it, not wiping my arse on the pages. Edited June 1, 2015 by Jiggerycock Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest nobgobbler Posted June 1, 2015 Report Share Posted June 1, 2015 And then there's the dog eared rolled up adult mags hidden behind the cistern. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted June 1, 2015 Report Share Posted June 1, 2015 And then there's the dog eared rolled up adult mags hidden behind the cistern.How 1970's, gobbler. We have internet porn on our mobiles nowadays, plus we can google "where did that blood come from". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camberwell gypsy Posted June 1, 2015 Report Share Posted June 1, 2015 Had a relative who used smoke a pipe while having a shit while looking through 'Wrestling weekly' for local bouts to wrestle in. Good old nan. I do miss her. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Bill Stickers Posted June 1, 2015 Report Share Posted June 1, 2015 I've never been a fan of long dumps. However, I do go for a shit everday like clockwork at 7 o'clock in the morning, and then again just a mere 2 and a half hours later at 9.30. I'm talking two big, proper, hum-dinging shits in quick succession, every day without fail.Providing I am getting up at 7ish in accordance with my normal weekly working routine, this doesn't present any issues. However, at university in particular, I wasn't working, lying in, and getting up around 1 o'clock in the afternoon. This meant I would fart continuously, when both unconscious and conscious, for about 6 hours, rather than get out of bed and venture to the toilet.My brother once remarked that my curtains stank of shit for days afterwards. However, everyone likes the smell of their own brand don't they? I found the whole thing quite pleasant. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eddie Posted June 1, 2015 Report Share Posted June 1, 2015 I've never been a fan of long dumps. However, I do go for a shit everday like clockwork at 7 o'clock in the morning, and then again just a mere 2 and a half hours later at 9.30. I'm talking two big, proper, hum-dinging shits in quick succession, every day without fail.Providing I am getting up at 7ish in accordance with my normal weekly working routine, this doesn't present any issues. However, at university in particular, I wasn't working, lying in, and getting up around 1 o'clock in the afternoon. This meant I would fart continuously, when both unconscious and conscious, for about 6 hours, rather than get out of bed and venture to the toilet.My brother once remarked that my curtains stank of shit for days afterwards. However, everyone likes the smell of their own brand don't they? I found the whole thing quite pleasant.Now that is a pile of shit Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest MikeD Posted June 1, 2015 Report Share Posted June 1, 2015 If you went in after my grandad you needed a fucking canary in a cage. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest deebom Posted June 1, 2015 Report Share Posted June 1, 2015 I've always assumed that cunts who spend ages in the bog are simply wanking. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rev Posted June 1, 2015 Report Share Posted June 1, 2015 I've always assumed that cunts who spend ages in the bog are simply wanking. While that is to a greater degree quite true, as masturbating is the second best thing about an en suite shithouse (I'm not talking about public conveniences frequented by footballers, Harley riders and their questionable trade), there is nothing quite as satisfying as curling out a long overdue steaming turd that resembles one of Samuel L Jackson's legs. My last one, perfumed with Butter Chicken, but fortified by Guinness had so fucking much of it that sat proud of the water-line, that it looked as if I had to stand up to give birth to the cunt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cuntspotter Posted June 2, 2015 Report Share Posted June 2, 2015 Root and green leaf vegetables plus plenty of high roughage content brown bread are the remedy. Along with regular exercise and six glasses of water a day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted June 2, 2015 Report Share Posted June 2, 2015 Most working class people have bad diets and are more likely to suffer from constipation.And most upper class people have been that badly buggered at private school that anything of any size or consistency just slips right out. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted June 2, 2015 Report Share Posted June 2, 2015 Your permanent anal blockage will be due to several large rodents.lol lol.Hilarious. Some cunts may take 20 minutes to take a shit, but you seem to have no problem talking it on a near constant basis. Change the fucking record. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cuntspotter Posted June 2, 2015 Report Share Posted June 2, 2015 Anal Blockage...... That's a good name for a band. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted June 2, 2015 Report Share Posted June 2, 2015 Anal Blockage...... That's a good name for a band.Punkape and the penetrating pedagogical poofters would be better Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Alfie Noakes Posted June 2, 2015 Report Share Posted June 2, 2015 A freshly killed and cut off gooses kneck with the feathers still on. Pull one way against the feathers first and it collects the winnits and clegg nuts, then on the smoother backstroke the feathers close and wipe the area clean. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Decimus Posted June 2, 2015 Report Share Posted June 2, 2015 Squirrels are great for wiping, there softer than any bog paper on the market.What about the soft pliability of a freshly cut pigs snout, Brickers? You could market it as an eco friendly alternative to paper based toilet rolls. Avoid any advertising campaigns in Golders green and Luton though. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest JackoTC Posted June 2, 2015 Report Share Posted June 2, 2015 Who times someone taking a shit ? Really ? You should get out a bit more. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cuntspotter Posted June 4, 2015 Report Share Posted June 4, 2015 Who times someone taking a shit ? Really ? You should get out a bit more.I know I do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rev Posted June 4, 2015 Report Share Posted June 4, 2015 Who times someone taking a shit ? Really ? You should get out a bit more.41 minutes 52 seconds for my last one, Jacko. It was a fucking corker. Took me two chapters of "Rudolf Hoess: My Time At Auschwitz" to squeeze out the last pellets and I had to break the fucker in two before the cunt would flush. As luck would have it, one of the missus' hair-brushes was within arm's reach when I launched the bastard. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nocti Posted June 7, 2015 Report Share Posted June 7, 2015 When I take a shit,(I use a lot of bog roll) I fold some up and put it down just above the water to stop the bog water splashing my arse,after that I tear four lengths of roll and neatly put it on the seat as this warms my arse and also provides comfort. I also take the laptop computer with me and have a wank over some nice milf minge while simultaneously squirting out sloshes of diarrhoea after a heavy night drinking. I then fuck off back to bed.All that before you've even left the office! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted June 7, 2015 Report Share Posted June 7, 2015 http://www.sickipedia.org/forum/index.php?topic=117445.0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nocti Posted June 7, 2015 Report Share Posted June 7, 2015 http://www.sickipedia.org/forum/index.php?topic=117445.0The forums request that you log in over there, son. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted June 7, 2015 Report Share Posted June 7, 2015 The forums request that you log in over there, son.Good point Jim, I'd forgotten that. The thread title is "I'm off for a shit", and the nutter that posted it requests reports and descriptions of bowel movements. I originally assumed it was a joke, and the thread developed that way. Turns out he's a fully fledged ocd sufferer with an unhealthy interest in such things. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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