Guest BrothersQuim Posted July 1, 2016 Report Share Posted July 1, 2016 51 minutes ago, Quincy Cockfingers said: Manky knows a few dark jokes. Don't you mean blokes? He calls them Bulls. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest BrothersQuim Posted July 1, 2016 Report Share Posted July 1, 2016 An elementary school teacher, a lawyer, a Catholic priest and three young boys are on a plane with only three parachutes. Engines explode, plane starts going down. The teacher says, 'Save the children!' The lawyer yells, 'FUCK THE CHILDREN!' The Catholic priest looks around and whispers, 'Is there time?' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest BrothersQuim Posted July 1, 2016 Report Share Posted July 1, 2016 A Romanian, a Jew and a Somali under a tree. A caterpillar gets on the Romanian's shoulder. The Romanian throws the caterpillar at the Jew, the Jew throws the caterpillar at the Somali, the Somali picks up the caterpillar and eats it. Another caterpillar gets on the Romanian, the Romanian throws it at the Jew, the Jew picks it up and ask the Somali: "Do you want to buy a caterpillar?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest BrothersQuim Posted July 1, 2016 Report Share Posted July 1, 2016 What happens when a Jew with an erection runs into a wall? He breaks his nose. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest BrothersQuim Posted July 1, 2016 Report Share Posted July 1, 2016 Lady in labour, shouting the usual shit, "Get this out of me! Give me the drugs!" She turns to her boyfriend and says, "You did this to me, you fucker!" He casually replies, "If you remember, I wanted to stick it up your arse, but you said, 'fuck off it'll be too painful.'" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest BrothersQuim Posted July 1, 2016 Report Share Posted July 1, 2016 A black man takes a girl home from a nightclub. She says "Show me it's true what they say about black men". So he stabs her & nicks her purse. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest BrothersQuim Posted July 1, 2016 Report Share Posted July 1, 2016 I'm going to go rob a bank tomorrow. I plan on dressing up in a clown wig and make up and only wearing a thong and nipple tassels. I'll carry a goat and a can of fluorescent paint in one arm and, while in the bank, I'm going to fuck the goat and throw the paint over the walls, all the time ripping up pages of a phonebook and swearing my head off. After getting the money, I'll take a shit on the floor and piss everywhere. I then will escape in a van shaped like a giant pink cock. Let's see America's most wanted fucking stage a reconstruction of that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest BrothersQuim Posted July 1, 2016 Report Share Posted July 1, 2016 My wife being unhappy with my mood swings brought me one of these mood rings so she could monitor my mood. We discovered that when I am in a good mood it turns green and when I am in a bad mood it leaves a big fucking red mark on her forehead. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest BrothersQuim Posted July 1, 2016 Report Share Posted July 1, 2016 Isn't it just a little ironic to see a group of pro-lifers throwing eggs at an abortion clinic? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest BrothersQuim Posted July 1, 2016 Report Share Posted July 1, 2016 A mother was getting out of the shower when her young son walked in. He pointed at the area between her legs and said, "Mommy, what's that?" Embarrassed, she replied, "That's where the Indian hit me with his tomahawk." The young boy replied, "Wow, right in the cunt?!?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest BrothersQuim Posted July 1, 2016 Report Share Posted July 1, 2016 2 hours ago, camberwell gypsy said: The dead baby thing is something I find upsetting on a personal level but hey ho as you say 'hence the name'. I'll be mindful and stay away from that sort of stuff in future. Feels strange not acting like a cunt for once. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest BrothersQuim Posted July 1, 2016 Report Share Posted July 1, 2016 A rabbi and a priest are out fishing. After about 6 hours on the lake, neither of them having caught a thing, the Priest looks at the rabbi and says "Oh, man. I'm so bored. You know, we should have brought an altar boy along" The rabbi says, "An altar boy, why" The priest responds, "So we could fuck him" Rabbi says, "out of what?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest BrothersQuim Posted July 1, 2016 Report Share Posted July 1, 2016 Tough shit if any of them are repeat jokes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Quincy Cockfingers Posted July 1, 2016 Report Share Posted July 1, 2016 2 hours ago, BrothersQuim said: Don't you mean blokes? He calls them Bulls. Whatever they may be called, one thing that is certain, their balls are empty when he is done. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted July 2, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 2, 2016 On 01/07/2016 at 9:04 PM, camberwell gypsy said: 23 hours ago, BrothersQuim said: Tough shit if any of them are repeat jokes. Absolutely. Nobody else here is likely to plough back through 41 pages to check anyway, keep the flag flying. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted July 2, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 2, 2016 We held hands, trembling as we watched the Clearblue pregnancy test kit. Negative. "Oh, thank God," she sighed. "How could I have ever explained that to my husband? He had his vasectomy years ago." "That settles it," I said wiping the sweat from my brow. "We're going to use condoms from now on, Mum." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted July 3, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 3, 2016 I rolled on the floor, clutching my leg and screaming in agony, hoping it would be convincing. "If you don't want sex tonight you can just say so," snapped my wife. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted July 3, 2016 Report Share Posted July 3, 2016 What do spinach and anal sex have in common? If you were forced to have it as a kid, you'll hate it as an adult. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wizardsleeve Posted July 3, 2016 Report Share Posted July 3, 2016 A Romanian, a Jew and a Somali are sitting under a tree. A caterpillar gets on the Romanian's shoulder. The Romanian throws the caterpillar at the Jew, the Jew throws the caterpillar at the Somali, the Somali picks up the caterpillar and eats it. Another caterpillar gets on the Romanian, the Romanian throws it at the Jew, the Jew picks it up and ask the Somali: "Do you want to buy a caterpillar?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Bill Stickers Posted July 3, 2016 Report Share Posted July 3, 2016 2 hours ago, Wizardsleeve said: A Romanian, a Jew and a Somali are sitting under a tree. A caterpillar gets on the Romanian's shoulder. The Romanian throws the caterpillar at the Jew, the Jew throws the caterpillar at the Somali, the Somali picks up the caterpillar and eats it. Another caterpillar gets on the Romanian, the Romanian throws it at the Jew, the Jew picks it up and ask the Somali: "Do you want to buy a caterpillar?" Scroll up. Repeat bollocks. Fuck off you thick cunt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted July 3, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 3, 2016 On 02/07/2016 at 0:07 AM, BrothersQuim said: I'll be mindful and stay away from that sort of stuff in future. Feels strange not acting like a cunt for once. You know that line you're never supposed to cross? On Sickipedia, that was the starting line. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bubba C Posted July 3, 2016 Report Share Posted July 3, 2016 Whenever I have sex, it's a race to see who comes first. Me, or the police. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Earl of Punkape Posted July 3, 2016 Report Share Posted July 3, 2016 7 minutes ago, Bubba C said: Whenever I have sex, it's a race to see who comes first. Me, or the police. You fucking pervert. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted July 6, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 6, 2016 My neighbour has bulimia. Last night she was making so much noise I banged on the wall and yelled "for fuck sake, keep it down." 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted July 6, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 6, 2016 I got home from work early, and caught my wife fucking my best friend. I was so angry I grabbed a knife and stabbed him to death. "Fucking hell" she said, "carry on like that and you'll have no mates left." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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