Hammer of Cunts

Oh for god's sake, I thought you'd fucked off.

She's one of the few newsworthy people who hasn't said anything mildly offensive about blacks, poofs or sexchanges, so, if the barrel can't be scraped any further, she'll be the lead item on every news broadcast.

Paypal takes a cut when you withdraw your money, Ebay sends a bill every month.

I don't think this prick knows what day it is.

Hunting is only "slightly ridiculous" compared to golf which goes completely beyond the pale as regards utter fatuousness. The animal cruelty of urban wankers is not confined to track-suit wearing chavs; middle-class wankers who buy over-bred fashionable dogs with breathing difficulties and other assorted hereditary defects are shits of the lowest order. Why the fuck would anyone encourage the breeding of animals genetically incapable of leading a happy life? Anyone who buys a Pug, French Bulldog, KC Spaniel etc. should be made to spend the rest their lives breathing through a gas-mask. The deliberate cruelty of Halal (and Kosher) slaughter is not "questionable" it is obvious and proven, No-one should be allowed to use fairy stories as an excuse for systematic torture of animals.

Wrong again fucking, Sherlock. I've never been to Bedfordshire.

It's a business opportunity for all those distressed purveyors of over-priced office food. Just move to Kent... Most lorry drivers will happily pay a tenner for a grape salad and a paper cup of weird coffee.

If they work hard enough, their nails will be kept trim by natural abrasion. It's a cheap incentive scheme.

Apparently nail-bars, eyebrow pluckers and various "salons" in England will not be allowed to open for a few weeks. This means that a few dim slappers whose entire self-worth relies on tarting up their nails/hair/eyebrows etc. will have to stay at home and hide. Well fucking boo-hoo; the world will be happy to get along without them. Why the fuck the exchequer is paying to furlough a bunch of vapid bints with no ambition other than cutting other people's fingernails is beyond me. They should be retrained as brickies, oil-rig workers or dustmen. The same goes for "boutiques" (whatever they are).

I've only ever been to a nightclub once; we saw the Baron Nights and ate chicken in the basket. The young women serving us were very nice but not over-familiar. It was quite pleasant but the beer was expensive. I haven't bothered since. I've seen more debauchery at the Hunt Ball.

An ellipsis should be indicated by three full-stops; the use of six commas suggests either illiteracy or a jammed keyboard. Stylistically, you missed a rare opportunity to use an exclamation mark.

W.Indies fisted while they were genuflecting; there's no reply to that with only wrist action.

All that virtue didn't prevent 204 all out.

Fucking hell You never said you were posh. Do you live in Cheshire?

It's a traditional practice and it would be culturally insensitive to intervene.

Yes, I can but I won't. Why should I? There should be a comma after "Sir". This may help you to understand how to use the language: https://tinyurl.com/yc972tkh Are you a foreigner?

Or a boy named Sue.

You're not very good at punctuation, are you?

She was down to £100,000pa from her trust fund. Poverty like that explains a lot; the poor bitch was only £99,999.25 away from having to shoplift in Lidl.

Is his 'n' hers matching hair a thing nowadays?

Back in "the old days" one would have used an apostrophe in "I'll, not used a space in weren't and used an and not a before avatar (which starts with a vowel). The space between grammar and the comma is incorrect and there is no final full-stop. Apparently, one is, nowadays allowed to post without an avatar; this is something that has changed, unlike grammar. If you are unable to understand posts without pictures, perhaps you could ask someone else to explain.

What is this "avatar" bollocks anyway?

Usually about an hour into the wake.

I already have all the facial hair that I have space for. I'm still trying to see why my last post "doesn't even make sense". Is this Cillian thing a wanker?

If anyone does this where I die, I shall prove the existence of an afterlife by coming back and shoving them up their arse.