Jiggerycock

But how would your right hand survive such a measure?

A bunch of publicity-fixated, nosey, do-gooders who think chairing The Local Neighbourhood Watch committee is a bit old-hat.

Way too lacking in 'Hollywood' I'm afraid.

'Cake and eat it' - then stick your fingers down your throat and shout-soup it all over the place for BT apparently. Is there nothing this grasping whale won't do for cash? Other than turn up dead on Skegness beach, naturally?

Sounds like they dodged a bullet to me Monogamy is for losers!

Schoolboy error there. Feed the corpses to pigs - you'll never knew the fuckers had drawn breath.

I think one is always drawn to the great themes in one's body of work. So Bowie was constantly drawn to the possibility of interplanetary travel, Applescruff, the inability of England to find a successful number 3 batsman and so on.... Whilst this is all well and good, it is the cumulative effect of 'the little things' that eventually makes one go postal. The gay design of the Fiat Multipla.....loud people....favourite backers......Huw Edwards' upper lip. That sort of stuff I like to think CC is a broad church and accepts a well-articulated nom no matter how trivial and personal.

It's the natural order. Parents mean about their ungrateful little shits of kids. Kids moan about how fucked their parents are leaving everything The World turns. The sun rises. There is an update for Windows Media Player

Barrel-bottom status, thick-as-mince with a ditzy affectation? I think that's her only possible career option and I imagine Endemol are on to her as we speak.

.....and the world goes ahead and indulges this arsewit, probably in the name of 'whimsy' or 'banter' as if that makes it okay.

Pachyderm, arachnid, echinoderm - he'd fuck a frog if he could stop it hopping, that one.

.....and that's before Punkape wades ashore, pink gin in one hand, dog-eared copy of Gay News in the other, demanding to be shown where the nearest Opium Den is in his awful 'crushed vowels' nouveau-riche accent....

Soft cunt was probably a timid little Vegan back home. Gets down Patpong on his first night and, egged on by all the 'me love you long time san' thinks he's Oliver Reed.

My thoughts exactly Manky That's just the hors d'ouevres (ask someone else - they'll learn yer) round my way. This - and Lemmy is still warm in his coffin!

If it's cold-callers - fuck, it, even if it isn't - they never ask 'is it convenient for you to take the call?' That's just rank bad manners. No, it's just straight in with the Omni-breath, 'war and peace' monologue about being mis-sold PPI or about the accident that my clumsy-cunt of an alter-ego has had, bookended by a faux-mateyness that makes me want to quote Aleister Crowley down the phone back at them When I can get a word in edgeways.

Beach Baby - that was a banging choon that was.

Upper class people are louche, heroin addicts who can't swear, box or play rock 'n roll - and the male of the species cannot sustain an erection unless they are dressed as a Gestapo Officer, have a radish stuffed up their arse and are calling a Eastern European prostitute "Nanny".

That's my boy! Get weird on the fuckers!!!

Disagree There's a race to BE working class (define that how you ike nowadays). I'd say the majority of UK society pretends to be working class (despite 2 cars, 3 foreign holidays and a mortgage) in order to attain some vacuous notion of credibility. Look at politicians being on message in liking soap operas and football and Fettes-public-school-educated Tony Blair suddenly acquiring glottal stops affected in sentences to be "one of the people". Watch these cunts like hawks.

https://youtu.be/d7YOCoSq9_U Maybe Colleen is a Ramones fan?

Big fan of your molecular biology work - but why stop there? If we're doing 'fantasy eugenics' why not get a supercomputer together with some anabolic steroids, chuck the result into a petri dish, add a bit of cheese and grill for 18 years on a low heat before serving up to the world something that can cure cancer - and run the 100 metres in 3 seconds.

Ian Wright takes the sugar frosted, caramel coated, gold-leaf covered biscuit here. On being asked about England's performance after getting their arses handed to them on a plate in the 2010 World Cup, he said he was 'too upset to comment' Ian. Mate. You're a panellist on a football programme. Now get out there and mumble estuary English platitudes at Lineker's smug mug until Mark Lawrensen says something hilarious.....like 'merment'.

Charlie Chaplin was NOT a comedy genius! He was a fucking lamp with a gay tache (even then), who old time cunts (and Paul Merton) raved about because they were cunts also.

Antarctic challenges? Not another one of those gormless fucking facebook things where you have empty a bucket of cold water over your head and video yourself dying of hyperthermia? Is that in bad taste? I do hope so.

I wish he'd start.....