Rev

Probably still more fuckable than the other androgynous one with the sunken-eyes and the stupid fucking name, the one who looks like fucking HR Pufnstuf. Shit father, shit singer, shit husband and unwashed thick wanker all rolled into one, Geldof should do us all a favour and fuck off to somewhere without water (not that the cunt sees it, or soap on a regular basis) and fucking stay there. He can take that designer shades-wearing, turgidly boring bastard Bono with him and bore each other to death. Cunts.

Agreed. He stands shoulder to shoulder with that other sneering wanker proponent of utter hypocritical fuck-wittery, Bono. Instead of campaigning for us cunts to donate some of our cash to other cunts, why doesn't he make a public donation out of his £105 million nest-egg? His contempt for fishermen is all we can expect from a holier than thou prick like him. He's a cunt from a-z. And probably a fucking bender.

To be fair, we shouldn't single out this effeminate looking greasy bastard. He is just one cunt in a veritable cornucopia of fucking poofs who make money by feigning injury when some othe fucking haircut brushes past him during a game. They're all poofs, wherever they come from. Benders to a man. And cunts.

"Gentle stretching" for arse discomfort, eh. Is this a footballist thread?

You're right, Ding. It was some cunt called Zachary Quinto, who surprise, sur-bastarding-prise, is a fucking confirmed screaming homosexualist chut bender. Fuck me, these fucking rainbow-flavoured bassoon players should all be gifted Jeeps with an active recall for faulty shit. Cunts.

Undoubtedly he did, QC. From what I can gather, the fucking imbecile's Jeep still had its engine running. They'll let any fucking chromosome-deficient downie behind the wheel in America nowadays. I fucking shudder to think what next...Zika baby astronauts?

What kind of fucking bellend parks their car at the top of a steep drive without pulling the bastard hand-brake? That'll teach him. The fucking Science Fiction prick. I note that one of his colleagues states that he was one of the "most intellectually curious people" he'd ever met. These cocksuckers don't do irony, do they?

Yeah, Ms Verasamy does it for me too, MC. I'd smash her fucking back doors right in.

I hope you're right, punkers. Scotland's never had a team, that's our problem. Any group of players we've ever put up could be slaughtered by 11 Zika babies on Diazepam. We're shite at football.

Getting a few slaps on the ear (in Glasgow vernacular) shouldn't be mistaken for having any similarity to fucking footballists slapping each other's legs for laddering their tights, gypo.

Much better. Her "yoof TV" shite was fucking deplorable in the 70s. She should really just either fuck off, or step into heavy traffic. I wouldn't use the doubtlessly slack-fannied, gangling and utterly pointless cunt-stick as a fucking draft excluder.

I'm afraid not, snatchers. Those were the days when I hadn't been formally introduced to proper community justice. I landed a couple of fucking slaps though. He shit himself. He's an arrogant and conceited fucking wanker.

Yeah. The only bloke I can think of that has ever fucked her was Tony James, the prick with the pineapple haircut from Sigue Sigue Sputnik and ex-bassist from Generation X. I met him once and the singer from SSS, (who looked like a cunt, but was a pretty decent bloke) had to stop me from filling James in in public after I had the cunt up against a wall for chucking a drink at me. Bastard.

Ok...you drive a fucking hard bargain. 2 boxes.

The thing is, the cops said they "didn't have enough evidence" to prosecute the fucking bullet-headed old gaylord cunt, which doesn't mean they didn't have any evidence, just not enough of it. In the real world, he'd be tied to a tree and have the shite leathered out of him with a bike chain until he confessed, then set on fire. Job done.

What if I said there's a bottle of Smirnoff and a box of Creme Eggs in it for you, if you let me film it, gypo?

Hmm...I dunno, flappers. I only found out a few months ago that the Kendall cunt was a screaming gayer. I hated the bastard from the off. He was like an old woman, only with a cock and no tits.

Hands up who'd fuck the shit out of Sophie Raworth.

I reckon the Daily Fucking Mail could have the market sewn up if they introduced a full colour Page 69 Flaps-U-Like hardcore section, between the Teatime Teasers puzzle page and those fucking Saga Cruise holiday adverts for the Beige and Hernia crumbly bastards. Fuck their lack of literary prowess. We should have a red-top that shows a bit of cunt during the week. That'd be the tits.

Sexual fantasy is likely one of my strong suits actually, Cunty. However, fucking a "woman" with a hipster beard, an Adam's Apple and bollocks just doesn't get my meter ticking over. I favour mine being provably 100% female and unconscious, but preferably dead.

Hmm. From what little experience I had of ProfB, she seemed relatively articulate, whereas Wad had the vocabulary and cognitive skills of a fucking Toblerone, so I'm inclined to agree.

I pretty much managed to escape ProfB. She joined when I fucked off on my sabbatical and had fucked off herself by the time I returned. Did she by any chance leave any naked pictures before she left? I always thought she might have been fat, ginger, bottle white, smell of Dairylea and have whiskers on both her top lip and around her nipples, but might be wrong. Surely even she wasn't as bad as the deeply unpopular, fuck-ugly and thick as fucking shite Wad.

There is only one certainty to come from this 2016 Euro-Poofery and that is that it'll be won by the top team of outright fucking effeminate mincing bastard chuts with the best bender haircuts and who sport the most stylish fucking man-bags. Out of 24 teams of fucking screaming arse-butlers who seem to do fuck all except slap each others' legs and kiss each other, there will be one supreme team of fucking pole-smoking gays. Big deal. Football's for cunts. And poofs. Did I mention it's a sport for homosexuals?

"She'll" be "hot" after being beaten fucking senseless with a bitumen-filled length of hose, then drop-kicked into a fucking municipal incinerator. I definitely wouldn't fuck her, but I suspect there are many hundreds of footballist cunts that would.

You can rest easy, Olly. That fucking Mother's Pride muck is absolutely wank and inedible. It appears it's only benefit-scrounging bastards that buy it, along with their chilled Buckfast and half ounce of Drum. I wouldn't use it to wipe my arse and make my own fucking bread.