Decimus

I've reviewed the evidence, and it would appear that he is the stinking, fat yellow t-shirted spastic who can regularly be found chasing butterfly's with a plastic spoon at Daneway banks. Now his location has been confirmed, can I assume that he will be dealt with in due course? Has he checked the children?

There's always been a strange obsession with multi-ID's on The Corner, and I've never got my head around why anyone would give a shit. Every now and again there's a massive bout of "Reds under the bed" paranoia that drags on for weeks. Does it really matter? I for one think that everyone should be allowed at least one alternative account on here and a chance to portray another character. This isn't real life, so what's the harm in being two different personalities? Pen might choose to bizarrely adhere to some sort of Island of Sodor Lily Savage persona, but I'm sure that anyone else would use the opportunity to bring an alternative type of humour to the board.

I'm absolutely fucking appalled that Stubby is sullying the leaderboard with his presence. I'm not sure what the hell you, Bill and Bubs are playing at, but I want him gone and replaced by either one of you by Wednesday. Pull yourselves together, this doesn't look good for you.

I've just listened to the interview, and as far as I can tell, he was asking legitimate questions about an event that the alleged victim was rather hazy about. She criticises the police for not doing anything as CCTV is deleted after 30 days, even though she apparently reported the incident the next day. When asked why she did not provide the number of the taxi, she claims that she was too drunk to remember, despite the fact this was undoubtedly on her phone or could quite quickly be discovered by a formal police investigation. Finally, she had the audacity to state that she didn't take it further as she did not want to be subjected to a lengthy court case that would have resulted in an acquittal, despite vocally supporting the #metoo movement and women doing everything they can to bring sexual assaulters to account. She's right about one thing, it would have been an acquittal, as she is quite clearly making the whole incident up. When asked to provide corroborating evidence, she clearly couldn't and instead threw a hissy fit and got a man suspended from his job. Apparently it would seem that in this country women can now make up fantastical stories about rape that have the potential to cost a man his liberty, and no one is allowed to question the validity of their bullshit through fear of a media backlash. Can someone tell me when the entire male British population became emasculated enough to allow this shit to happen?

I take it that you are of course referring to Alma, the Russian incarnation of Bigfoot?

She was solely responsible for all the Decimus profile's output until April 2015 when I took over.

Let's not forget about the true horror that is involved in this nom, when said happy-snappy cunt gets home and decides to regale their nearest and dearest with a pictographical odyssey of their ten days in Benidorm. Apart from tedious cunts who insist on relaying their dreams to others, there is no worst bore in the world than someone with 267 photographs of a half built water park in some fly-blown Mediterranean shithole who then gleefully tortures their victims for three hours with a preprepared slide show.

I hope that you've sat and seriously considered where you are going to go with this. There's a place at the top table that you vacated in 2015 at stake, and you've got one shot. Lose yourself.

Wasn't there some nasty business surrounding his patented curry recipe? I do believe that you tracked down an exact replica in a Women's Weekly magazine.

I won't. You've got your own individual nuances and quirks, leave the mate shit to those who are less respected around here.

Don't ever say mate again.

Ollybore?

I do quite enjoy the Byzantine and Machiavellian machinations of the admin team. Quid pro quo, if I destroy that nosey little cunt Stubby for you, will you let Quincy back?

Gyppo, I can imagine you trying to play the damsel in distress card. Stood in a puddle of your own piss in a Wetherspoon's, your massive size 12 feet squeezed into a pair of stilletos and mascara and tears streaming down into your five o'clock shadow. If your hairy chest and 6'4 frame doesn't give you away, you'll be rumbled as soon as you get up to do a pitch perfect rendition of Barry White on the karaoke. You make me fucking sick.

Frankly, I'm more than a little bit surprised that someone who parades around Camberwell with a dick swinging like a pendulum from beneath the hem of a sack cloth dress has the audacity to pass sartorial judgement on others.

To be fair, he's got his brother on hand to do that for him.

I'll thank you to keep your big fat fucking beak out of matters that don't concern you.

A wise man once said: "As usual you attempt to put words in my mouth. Just like you love to portray me as fat, gay etc." Please take your own advice and do not insinuate that Punkape is incontinent by putting words in his mouth. He's more than happy with just your cock in it.

You obviously don't do humour unless it is literal. Does being a fat gay cunt mean that you are incapable of understanding anything abstract? For example, do you only get a punchline if it has been shoved ten inches up your arsehole?

Yarmouth's only Michelin starred eatery. And when I say Michelin starred, I of course mean that it's got a like on its Facebook page from Norfolk's very own Michelin man, Neil.

I prefer the Ireland of old. Staunchly Roman Catholic, fanatically invested in blowing up paras, openly collaborating with Nazis and a force to be reckoned with in the Eurovision Song Contest. The Ireland of today with Gunga Din at the helm has its arse firmly wedged upon the thrusting cock of the EU. An Ireland that panders to outsiders and slappers who do not want to face the consequences of a night of unprotected sex is anathema to me.

Never, in all my years, have I witnessed such desperate fucking attention seeking antics as an OP rattling off three posts before anyone else has submitted anything. You're a fucking disgrace.

Nope, some huge image he no doubt obtained from a shokushu goukan website. Albert always was a weird little cunt.

That's a bit much coming from the man who posted an upskirt photograph of a Japanese schoolgirl. Reported by the way.