Neil

Colostomy is not my bag

Anyone that wears a 20k kettle is a grade 1 cunt,the only possible reason for such opulence is so you can tell every cunt how much it cost which in turn makes you look like a twat

Just don't forget to unplug the bag when you roll her on her front otherwise that wet patch could turn out to be a bit stinky

She's a fucking snipers dream

Venice is nice,fuck driving there though

I think Decs meant 'if my boy ever came out.......I reckon he has missed the boat.

.....Shame because London is just full of fucking cunts. I rest my case m'lud

Mentally unstable cunts that need lobotomising

I did pass Soho,my missus couldn't understand why the fuck all the doormen kept asking me how I was.

Full of fucking foreigners,noisy,ridiculously fucking expensive but Hyde Park was quite splendid this morning.Household Cavalry training in the park,sun glistening off the Serpentine and The Royal Albert Hall majestic in all its glory.......Shame because London is just full of fucking cunts.

Get a room you couple of fucking benders.

Fucking right,more entertaining than seeing her trying to kick a fucking ball. Andy Murray is a PC fuck nugget

'You only wash twice'

Idris Elba could never play Bond,every time the cunt drove an Aston Martin 100 yards he'd get pulled over by the old bill.

Should have called him Al Phabet Fuck off

Is that what Grayson Perry shat out 9 months after being bummed by Quentin Crisp?

Your lot have just moved in near me(illegally of course!) should I put an extra lock on my sheds or do you not shit on your own doorstep?

Now correct me if I'm wrong but hasn't this been going on since schools were invented,why all of a sudden is it fucking headline news?...oh I see,it's because its on someone who is of a certain hue.Just fuck off with this fucking PC fucking bullshit.We all fucking know that if this was a black kid on a white kid(and yes it DOES fucking happen believe it or not)It wouldn't see the light of day.Fuck off with your political agenda and fuck off to anyone who wants to call me a racist.Great Britain? you're having a fucking laugh.

Punkers loves a chopper

Not sure if this is something that's more common in London and other big cities but I've just watched a grown man in a suit with a man bag over his shoulder (worth a cunt nom in itself!) Scooting his way into Norwich city centre.A bigger cunt I've not seen for a while,he didn't have a clue on how much of a duck he looked.Decs,if this was you,get a fucking grip man.

Harsh but fair

Having sobered up slightly I would like to clarify that I meant crumpets as in the 70's TV sense ie "phwoar,what a tasty piece of crumpets she is"! I may be a bit pervy but unlike Punkers I'm not into the white stuff myself.

Crumpets smothered in syrup are fucking awesome,Crumpets covered in cum(as long as it's your own cum)also awesome,Crumpets covered in anything else,fuck off

I must confess to having a weakness for a 30 year old schoolgirl,does that count?

Is that Jim Careys bastard sister from Dumb & Dumber?