Eric Cuntman

"Would you like to buy some lucky heather Mrs Windsor"?

And Tarmac her driveway. Fuckit. Panzer beat me to that one!

You can't blame Oscar for what happened that tragic night, he was completely legless.

Why do we call them onesies? Why not be honest and call them babygrows for cunts.

Sorry my mistake, you said fully grown man.

Did you acknowledge bubba or hide behind a stack of tins?

Unfortunately Frank is still alive.

This is all getting a bit Brunelian for me.

That would have been a better title for that shit series with Paul Shane and the other annoying cunt from Hi de Hi.

Un-fucking believable. You're finished frank.

So declares the biggest sycophantic bumboy on the corner.

Oh look, one of franks pallbearers has popped up.

Thanks but no need. He's already killed himself and I relish the chance to defile his corpse.

Yawn

I know, keeps going back to old quotes and won't clear.

Down here they go out with huge butterfly nets looking for stray dogs.

"I've learned a lot about love, push shove giving push. Great sound strange look, future odd child star"!!! What the fuck is wrong with those people? One of the takeaways down here is called "the very tasty house"

I always just think of the Harry Enfield skit when Perry returns from Manchester and visits Kevin sporting a beard and moustache drawn on in felt tip.

I have Sussed you! You are Liam Gallagher and I claim my reward of a broken bottle in the face.

Not to mention that Horseguards do not take kindly to attacks on her majesty and will likely re-deploy James Blunt to visit the offender and administer a sound thrashing.

Do you remember the 'Spitting image' sketch where the royal family had to fill out benefit forms And were Viewing the high rise council flat that they had been allocated? I miss that show.

I watched this entire vid last night, is that a genuine imported toy set? Those Chinese! Their translations for product info can be truly hilarious too. One of those awful B2 air rifles came with an instruction booklet. This is a genuine quote:- "when approaching the rifle be aware of danger and please notice that the wooden stock is of sumptuous and beautiful appearance."

I prefer the term "sand n•••••s.

He looks like a Jewish pawnbroker who has just convinced some poor unfortunate soul that his mothers 2 carat diamond engagement ring is actually a zircon and given him £45 quid for it on gold content alone.