Wolfie

Has he walked in on you?

Fucking hell. If ever you wondered how the lovechild of Roy Hodgson and Nosferatu would effortlessly make a cunt of itself in the biggest way possible, there's your answer.

You seem lively tonight, MC. Have you recently celebrated another lucrative deal? I can envisage you now, fervently prancing around your bespoke kitchen like Boycie, cracking open more bottles of ALDI Prosecco as you impress your Thai wife with your latest pub outfit for next weekend's vicars & tarts piss-up. Nouveau riche cunt.

Fantastic. Anyway, back on topic. Do you think you'll ever eat pussy?

Wong hole sex for this race of abnormally cruel shitcunts ought to be made compulsory, chiefly resulting in a reduction of its demographic. Money otherwise spent on contraception, such as extra-small condoms, could be used to indemnify former dog owners whose beloved pals have ended up on the plates of selfish cunts who choose to fund the horror of the country's meat industry. Even though both sexes practically look the same, with no distinction in the size of their tits, if the bastards' population graph keeps on rising at its current rate there won't be a dog or cat left on the planet in a few hundred years. Still, at least China has among the worst human rights breaches in its long and illustrious history to divert others' attention to.

You typically post for a set period every few days, Spunkers. Are you a long-haul airline steward?

Should IKTC's path ever cross with yours, despite wishing he's already suffered the most horrific death possible, I'll wager you'll be PMing photos of your swastika-tattooed maggots and getting hitched in full SS Panzer uniform this side of Christmas.

Did you win any prizes, Gyps?

Rubbish.

Gyppo's right, Bubbs. She's had years of practice competing with her brothers, Dumb & Dumber. I'll get me tinker kit.

While I recognise your self-proclaimed legacy on this site, Frank, was there a time when you were funny?

His sex-drive never wavered, despite a missing testicle.

While Eric may have already exposed you as a plagiaristic shitcake, in just a few posts it appears you could be the most recent newcomer among a plethora of ant-brained minimum-wagers with any longevity. This aside, anyone who chooses the avatar of a notorious child rapist and suspected necrophiliac above literally millions of others puts themself on a pedestal for a ripe cunting. It begs the question: why?

What a faultless self-appraisal.

Madge, obviously. If it was Pen you’d have to strap a board to your arse so you didn't fall in.

They can do wonders with prosthetics these days, Neil.

Oh God. Have you thought about joining forces with The Fourth Reich, forteanc and the equally impressive John Bull? If you ask nicely, I'm sure Pen will knit you a full Newbie's Dickhead uniform with pubic hair from Gyppo's bath plughole.

Your needless comment above proves rather well the point I was making in mine, don't you think? In years to come, August 2018 will become known as 'Dickhead Invasion Month', in which your inclusion will be wholly justified.

Agreed. Let the car do the work, and if you happen to ruffle a few impatient Audi RS5-driving feathers behind you, be it so.

Jesus wept. Yet another newfangled lexical oaf who's set off the site's dickhead warning system with 80-plus posts of pure nonsense, this being an excellent example. To his credit, at least Gyps and Pen suddenly appear more intelligent.

Really? This wasn't obvious with your 18-hour membership and single post-count. The idiot bells are already ringing.

Bullseye indeed. It's probably not the first time you've been on the receiving end of a good rattling from a couple of men, Judge.

You may have a point, DC. Jewdy really does seem to deliver more than his fair share of gay-bashing. One can only surmise his repressed homosexual desires have led him to constantly underline his heterosexuality, such is his hidden shame. I'm beginning to suspect we're in the company of another sweetcorn connoisseur.

Perhaps you planned spending half the day seeking out a teenage girl because you needed the extra £3 for Burger King, porky.

You 'went looking to get my money back the next day'. So you were going to harass a pointless teenager for the sake of three quid. Really? You must be poor. That said, perhaps Bubba is correct – you are full of shit. I'll wager you've got a porker's face, too.