Cap'n Cunt

Having Googled Darkus Howe, I've noticed he's exactly the same hue as Sir Lenny Henry. Unfortunately, only one of them is dead.

Weston-Super-Mare is full of fat Welsh people and arthritic donkeys. And hyphens.

I, for one, welcome our late teen/early twenties snogging/grinding faux lesbian overlords.

AND she works in a hospital. So she's probably got a nurse's uniform at home.....

My niece is a lesbian, and I'd be more than happy to fuck her. Even if she wasn't my niece.

Seeing as the 'back door' of your third-floor council flat probably opens onto a four-foot-square 'balcony' overlooking a squalid mess of social housing, the front door is probably your best option for ingress/egress.

Flidgin English

The Mrs just prepared my lunch. Egg mayonnaise sandwiches. Taking a bite, I thought it wasn't up to her usual culinary standards, so I looked inside. No chives! Doesn't she realise that Snack Chives Matter? I'll get me coat.

I just noticed I repeated 'chained themselves', there. It's my stupid fucking wife wittering away in the background putting me off typing. You know how Spack Wives Chatter.

Do they fit gates to council flats, then?

I see some poor bastard was subjected to a 'prolonged' sexual assault by a bummer on the Tube. Is no-one capable of fighting these days? If somebody started fingering my arse on a train, I think I might get a bit punchy (unless it was Carol Vorderman). Police are apparently looking for a gay man in a Barbour carrying a set of golf clubs and a lobster pick.

Eight Black Lives Matter spacktivists chained themselves chained themselves to a tripod at Stanstead to prevent a 'mass deportation' flight carrying eight (yes, 8 is, apparently, a 'mass' now) failed asylum seekers back to Nigeria and Ghana. Thankfully, the security staff only took a few hours to get rid of these utter fucking wankers. A few hours?? Pour petrol over the sad cunts and set them on fire, give em a fucking good kicking, or drive a plane over them. For fuck's sake, if a spactivist chained himself to my front gate, I'd have the cunt dismembered and in a bin bag within minutes. Soft cunts.

You felch penguins.

He did, actually. A Honda. But he kept it secret - John 12:49: "For I did not speak of my own Accord"

By 'garden ornaments', you mean a broken sofa, three rusty washing machines and a Ford Cortina that's been up on bricks since 1982?

Does it work on Acidic Jews?

Surely it can't be beyond the capabilities of our clever scientist types to come up with a variation of sickle cell anaemia that targets persons of a slightly paler hue?

I'd like to smash her face in with a shovel, then rub dogshit in her eyes. Then have a wank.

Dough-eyed virgins..........http://viz.co.uk/youve-vajazzled-dough-nay-nay-100s-1000s/

I think it's perfectly acceptable. I'd have shot the cunt 30 times and then set him on fire, just to make sure.

I, for one, welcome our dusky-skinned animal husbandry expert piss-drinking overlords.

Spackridge?

Why don't you have a word with the Grim Reaper? Hopefully you'll see him soon.

The Queen doesn't piss. She employs someone to piss 'on one's behalf'.

Stop. I'm experiencing a vague tumescence.