Cap'n Cunt

You seem to have mistakenly included the Roman Catholics in with the Christians. Catholics aren't Christians. They're mostly bog-dwelling Fenians or fucking Eyeties. Or bummers. Proper Christians are English.

Reading books is for poofs. I'd rather go out and have a fight.

Methinks he works in the Manchester branch of ISIS.

Yep. And they like their eggs Sunni side up.

"Former chef Mr Lock, who had no previous military experience, joined Kurdish militia after telling his family he was going on holiday to Turkey in August." It would appear that becoming expert at Call Of Duty doesn't count for much when real bullets start flying about, as this cunt found out. Rather than be captured and turned into an ISIS rent boy, he blew his own brains out. Serves the cunt right for going and sticking his nose in someone else's war, he had no business being there. Ditto that stupid fucking cow from Blackburn who was in the news last week. I hope she gets shot in the ovaries.

It's probably IBS. You are, after all, an Irritating Bag of Shit.

Wine is for poofs anyway. French fucking muck. I had a Citroën once, and that was shit as well.

Because my cock is so long the AIDS viruses die of exhaustion before they reach the root. Probably.

24 hours to Tulsa

I fucking KNEW there was something about him I didn't like.

John Holmes to me

I thought this was fairly good......not brilliant, but mildly amusing. That Blair cunt needs fucking bludgeoning. Whilst he's being spit-roasted by Punkape and his bummer friend Mandleson. And that fucking thing he married....what's all that about? I thought I saw her on Xhamster being fucked up the arse by a Nigerian but I was mistaken, it was someone pounding a mong to death with a hammer.

I'd go up there, and never come back down. (The fanny, not the stupid fucking rock)

I can remember my old dad sitting me down on his knee and together looking through the Kensitas catalogue. You used to get a token in every packet of fags, rather like Green Shield stamps, and when you collected enough of them you could redeem them for something from the catalogue, like a blowlamp or a saucepan. You were actually rewarded for smoking. Nowadays, smoking is a form of social leprosy, and if you're thick enough to smoke, you're faced with gruesome pictures on your fag packet (or your tobacco pouch, if you're a REAL smoker). I can put up with this; in fact I've almost collected the whole set now. I was, however, quite disturbed to find a picture of an anus on a packet I bought this week. It's certainly made me consider giving up anal sex.

True. Everything looks black to him.

It doesn't matter what you change it to, it'd still be shit. And you'd still be a mong.

Probably because they don't actually know they're spackers, whereas gollies would almost certainly have an inkling that they're the wrong colour.

I endeavour to serve it chilled, but the Mrs doesn't like me putting jars of piss in the fridge. The spunk is best served at around 20 degrees C. thereby providing a piquant counterpoint to the chilled fruitiness of the urine.

Drinking piss straight from a geezer's cock? How uncouth. I always serve my urine in a Waterford crystal tumbler with a slice of lemon. Accompanied, of course, by a Ritz cracker with a light sprinkling of semen.

I don't have a basket full of puppies. They probably gave mine to some fucking immigrants. And I bet they ate them.

Monkey see, monkey do. (Apart from sea monkeys, who do fuck all)

You call it an 'automatic'. Most people call them mobility scooters.

You pay peanuts, you get monkeys...........

It's a cetacean anti-Trump protest. You can hear them blubbering from here.

I think you're confused. Katie Price is the one that collects spackers of colour.