Last Cunt Standing

Shouldn’t you be getting back to sucking Lupine cock? Don’t leave him disappointed.

It was obviously quite a typically forgettable exchange, if it happened at all. Besides, it’s all the rage to change your mind these days. Just ask 63% of the UK population.

Well, quite. I’m afraid I once used some unprofessional language in a meeting when I was asked to defend the rate of oral ciprofloxacin use in a group of GP clinics to a Clinical Director who in her time as a Hospital Consultant gave every bugger IV Tazocin at the front door of A&E.

Were you ever a combat medic, Eric? The combination of an intimate knowledge of the SA80 and the difference between Hartmann’s and normal saline is quite intriguing. I might even start calling you Hawkeye.

“Hello Meester….you want dick like Egyptian obelisk? I give you good price..” Did they work then?

I think most of us have had good reason to despise these arseholes for years. Weird, bespectacled vitamin pushers with a hugely inflated sense of self worth. They lurk away behind their racks of mysterious boxes, pushing fearsome middle aged witches out front to huff loudly when you ask whether it’s really necessary to wait an hour for someone to find omeprazole off the shelf and wrap it in a bag for you. They will delight in lingering an extra ten minutes in their fortified lair waiting for the anxious hypochondriacs stalking their aisles to load up on supplements, protein shakes and moisturiser, thus keeping their BMW in petrol another week. Always ready with a suck of the teeth if you want more than six paracetamol or recommending an urgent GP appointment if you think your new blood pressure medicine might be giving you itchy teeth. Happy of course to branch out into travel medicine (“have you bought some of this DEET spray, only £30”) or health checks (have you noticed our range of slimming shakes, fatty?), they’ll be content to milk the public for evermore whilst taking zero clinical responsibility. The added pleasure of torturing the spotty youth who wants some Durex or the morning after pill is a huge rush for these power hungry maniacs. Now, noted son of pharmacist Rishi Sunak wants to give them free reign to solve the UK GP access crisis. In so doing, antibiotic stewardship goes out the fucking window and the coming multi-resistant superbug gets moved forward a decade. Fuck them and their dispensing-fee fuelled bullshit. It’s about time Amazon moved into prescription meds and consigned these dinosaurs to the days of fucking leeches. Cunts.

Was she called Betty, perchance?

If I may tear you away from critiquing a PhD thesis, I wonder if you’re any happier with the economic commentary on offer from the in-house magazine of the Tory party? I’m sure it regularly accompanies you fingering your morning kipper. Of course, by 2030 you might still be proclaiming the green shoots of the Brexit bonanza are just over the next hill, just as Britain becomes a net exporter of young labour to the booming suburbs of Warsaw. Your project is a disaster. All the chicanery in the world can’t save it now. Own it. https://www.telegraph.co.uk/business/2023/05/07/poland-europe-superpower-communism-putin-military/

What’s your view on Rose Hanbury, Neil? William’s rather fond by all accounts and she is supposedly skilled at the Dark Arts. Would she be on your list?

Look! Over there! Squirrels! Mensa my arse.

It seems any dissent within your country is dealt with pretty severely too, so in writing this bilge you’re surprisingly instep with the prevailing mood of the nation. If this is your modern Britain, I want no part of it. There is none so blind as those who will not see. https://www.reuters.com/world/uk/police-arrest-anti-monarchy-protesters-ahead-king-charles-coronation-2023-05-06/

Singularly incapable of admitting fallibility, and more one-eyed than Gabrielle. What’s the point?

If my career was entirely representative, half your mates in the golf club will have had the clap while you shook hands with them. Very fond of runs to Bangkok and Amsterdam, the old Pringle sweater crowd. The other half have probably paid for a few abortions in their time, chasing young skirt round their offices. Yet you mix with such riff raff. Tut tut. Worse still you make a habit of getting on your knees, mouth agape, in front of a man in a dress who is no stranger to the GUM clinic. I know of one seminary in the UK that had a higher rate of gonorrhea than a Soho bath house. Stinking hypocrite Cunt.

One of the major reasons measles vaccine rates have dropped, particularly in what we used to call the Third World, is the promotion of the idea that these vaccines are antithetical because they were developed in foetal cell lines from abortions in the 1960’s. Despite a 2005 ruling from The Vatican, the idea has proved hard to dispel from some of the nuttier elements of your Church. Illegal migrants might be riddled the Venereal disease (of which Ebola and Leprosy aren’t) but the most effective way to prevent the spread of VD is the use of condoms. We all know your lot’s track record there. Stop The Church. It’s killing people.

Have you listened to yourself? True to form, so entrenched is your self-delusion you’re incapable of acknowledging any possible error and resort to an ad hominem word salad which is just this side of comprehensible. You are of course way too smart to have been sold an absolute pup. I’m sure you’d vote leave again if the vote was tomorrow, wouldn’t you? It’s all going exactly as you expected, and any problems are entirely due to fifth columnists and non-believers. No mention in your carefully-phrased post of the rise of Poland in per capita GDP terms, and oh what a surprise, the only reason Britain is falling down every economic league table is the unfair EU support for Britain’s’ new competitors, which Britain was paying for anyway. Did you stick out your tongue when you typed this, Violet-Elizabeth? The Gotcha moment, since you ask, was June 2016. You were got, good and proper. As for “pretending to be a new age pan European”, please provide me the receipts for any utterance I’ve made these past six years which wasn’t anti-Brexit and pro-European. It was madness all along, I’ve never said anything other. No pretence. You close with yet another tiresome reference to my present geography as an invitation to mind my own business, completely ignoring the fact you’re happy to wander all over the globe and hop from discipline to discipline in your interactions with other Corner stalwarts who pull your chain. I’m ever more certain that at those Swindon MENSA meetings you apparently attended way back when, you were only there to serve the sandwiches. I won’t keep you any longer, no doubt you’ve got a scientific paper to peer review.

Multifaceted, me DC. @PANZER MURPHY and I have an understanding. He keeps up the relentless artillery, I’m more of a guided missile. I could never be romantically involved with a saxophonist, anyway. They are always banging on about splitting their reeds which sounds utterly filthy to me.

Be grateful for small mercies. He’d only break into his Richie Benaud uninvited anyway. I’ve never found impressionists funny. Except Monet, maybe. Fucker was clearly taking the piss.

Point taken, though your figure still looks off, for, some, reason. I didn’t go to a crap school, but I did once spend four weeks at a University looking at crap down a microscope. Some of our co-contributors would surely have fainted from the resulting erection.

Nice to see all those years slaving over hot micropore didn’t go to waste.

I have 8,008,135 bones to pick with you, Eric.

Not just over there, Panz m’boy. The Corner was well supplied at one time with flag waving pro-Brexit types all too keen to extol the virtues of their little project while at the same time raining rhetorical fire down on anyone who thought it was a bullshit con. That they are these days so silent speaks volumes, but I suppose they’ve all moved on, or what you see playing out now is of course not the version they voted for. Oh, no, it’s the bastardised version of what could so nearly have been a roaring success. Or some such bollocks. @Mrs Roops, I seem to recall you ladling out the Kool Aid back in the day. What say you now? Is that famed gargantuan IQ up for a little realpolitik?

Good point. Corrected.

Cue the hoardes of morons decrying this as defeatist and selling Britain short, but of course it’s pretty much on the nose and far too sensible for The Corner. Britains’ long bluff has been called, and the most grown up thing to do would be to admit the errors and shortcomings, and begin to redesign the place along the lines you describe. Only two problems. 1) The grown-ups are no longer in the room. 2) Unless you go with “tear it all down”, you’d have problems fitting it on the side of a frigging bus.

I’m not sure admitting you’d fish through a bag of dog turds for an extra tenner or two is quite the win you’d like to be, to be honest.

Bill, I don’t know how many times I’ve told you not to get too pissed during the football and go out “recruiting” for your Lurgan fleshpots. I really think braying on some poor cows’ door in the age of web-linked doorbell cameras is something you should consign to history. Like the concept of partition, perhaps. https://www.irishnews.com/news/northernirelandnews/2023/05/02/news/lurgan-3247611/