Major Cunt

Frank, I have the physique of an Adonis, and a degree from a respectable university. As a working class lad from South East London, I've surpassed most peoples expectations.

I've got you on the ropes again, Franco. Marvelous.

@Frank I'm going to glass you when I spot you up the West End, and that's after I give you a beating you will never, never forget.

You're no fucking genius, Jewdy. Just a fat fucking idiot who post's a load of bollocks while pissed up on white cider. I'll take it that most of your material is posted late at night as your old dear is still sleeping with her handbag, and probably limits her son's internet access.

Listen, you're 8 hours behind GMT and 80 years behind current British trends in comedy. You're a closet arse bandit who probably wanks himself blind when posting painfully unfunny homoerotic material. Take your fat fucking arse down the Everglades and hang yourself. You detestable cocksucker cunt.

Waiting for an aggressive bout of cancer with any luck.

Have you seen the bollocks I've been dealing with in the Tate Gallery thread Bill? Jesus H. Christ, that fucking imbecile 404 is under the impression he's tucked me up, and the sexually repressed Yank is wanking while dishing out homoerotic abuse. It's the worse pincer movement since the Frogs countered at the Maginot Line. I can't do anything with the material they provide mate. I've never met such a pair of easily dispensed and rattled downers.

You don't understand wit or humour either. Jesus, being kicked in the bollocks is funnier than your contributions.

If you still want me to smash the granny out of you, Gyps, I'll be in South London for Christmas. PM me again...

You know who I am, Bertie, don't be so coy. You're getting a bit lemon tonight and that's not a smart move mate. Listen, the last two fucking idiots you wanna be aligning yourself with are the deviant and the Septic. You might have forgotten to take those dementia tablets, Bertie. In which case I'll overlook your bollocks tonight. I've told you nicely.

I did, Eric. You're right. I'm a busy fella today. Look after the Corner as usual. If your names not down you're not coming in.

Shut your fucking mouth, cunt.

I'll deal with you in due course, Jewdy. You can take that to the fucking bank mate.

I've just been down the gym with my pals who are pissing themselves laughing after I've shown them your quality material. They're all in agreement that you're a right pair of window lickers. The general consensus is why on earth are you bothering to argue the toss with these wankers, which is a fair point. Anyway, I'm out for a few light ale's tonight as I'm watching the Joshua Vs Ruiz fight. Enjoy your evening ruining an otherwise hilarious website. You pair of sad unwanted cunts. You're both finished here...

I'm laughing my bollocks off, dickhead. You're fucking hilarious in a sad, sad way.

You're a fucking child and have the intellect of a downs syndrome sufferer. Why the fuck are you even on this site? You're despised as a sinister little deviant and sport a skin thinner than custard. If you think ironing every one of my posts is going to bother me then you're even thicker than I thought. Cunt.

Fuck off, you riled little spastic. You're way, way out of your depth with me. Now do one before I tear you a new arsehole, again.

Just got a lovely 2015 scooter on the forecourt, Jewdy, it's definitely a bit of you mate. It's only done 50 miles and comes with plastic incontinence seat covers. You can relive those mod days as it sports Vespa style mirrors. Unfortunately it's not letting me upload a picture at the moment, but I can assure you it's kosher.

Fuck off, Jewdy. You do know it's an offence to be in charge of a mobility scooter while pissed, don't you? It's 12 o'clock for fucks sake and you're already knocking back the Special Brew! Sort your fucking life out. You fat drunken bastard.

Fair enough. Logout then kill yourself. It'll save me some time.

No fucking way. As you well know, RK, the New Clique runs like a Mafia clan, and we all have a veto on such matters. At the moment Francois doesn't have enough about him to even be considered an associate, let alone a made man. I'm in agreement regarding the contract on Foreskin though. Hopefully it'll serve as an incentive for him to up his fucking game.

Fuck me. Is she on the game in Burnley now?

I don't gamble, WC, but I would if I lived in Leeds. Involving a litre bottle of Jack Daniels and a loaded .38 revolver. It'd be between that or a serious smack habit.

Lay off the Ouzo. You Rodney Trotter-esque looking cunt.