Hammer of Cunts

Jesus Christ! That's fucking grotesque.

Move. Give it a month and there'll be a good choice of vacant property.

I think it's reassuring that we live in a country where everything else is so perfect that all we have to worry about is this kind of shit. Our grandchildren's generation will remember these complainants with the same respect and gratitude that we reserve or those who have genuinely risked all for our future. Statues will be erected around the country to the Unknown Worrier and The first symbolic snowflakes of spring will be treated with veneration and vegan beers all round.

It's no coincidence that the excessively touchy-feely Italians are the most seriously affected. With luck, millenialists will catch on to the fact that gratuitous hugging and air-kissing is a vile, unhygienic continental practice (but only after the whiny snowflakes have caught it).

Are they from the Council?

I'm waiting for the Jewish Clangers; with a Chicken-Soup Dragon.

I said "should be" not "will be". No bloke accused of even mildly disrespecting a woman can be allowed a fair hearing (v. Woody Allen).

Obviously not, but if they are proven to be liars then they should be named, face criminal charges for wasting police time and a civil case for defamation.

Mohammed won't be a politician, he'll be a "community leader". This allows him to pontificate, in an impenetrable accent, on subjects he doesn't understand and avoid all responsibility and/or work. So no great difference really.

I hope they'll be issued with the correct PPE for today's urban parkland environment. Maybe they could run a recycled needle bank.

These superior invasive wombles will eventually drive out British wombles, which will survive only in isolated colonies. Have we learnt nothing from squirrels?

Why not just smack them back? I would.

Fuck me! I'd forgotten that. I wish you hadn't reminded me, it's truly vile.

Egg and bacon pie.

I think it was a bit more complicated than that.

I'm trying to upset them, not excite them.

It wasn't the sort of pub where strangers were welcome. Happy times!

I assume that any asian sounding women that call are muslims, I talk very nicely to them to gain their confidence and then begin to suggest that they have sex with pigs and/or dogs and describe the process in some detail. They quite oten seem too stunned to hang up and I've heard some very sucessful screams. I hope they go home and kill themselves.

Within living memory. One day Bob, the landlord bought a case of Stella to try and we sort of looked at it and poked it with a stick. It wasn't until an away quoits match in town. where they had it on draught, that we realised that it's meant to be cold. Bob was too tight to buy a chiller so he never got any more in.

Alright?

When I was young and skint enough to work behind a bar, pubs didn't sell wine and lager was for women, puffs and foreigners. Real men drank mild.

I bet this would upset a few as well:

Humour doesn't cross cultural boundaries. Young people are more alien to grown-ups than ever before and their frames of reference don't chime with ours. They admire hypocrisy and taking offence. Censorious interference is not a new phenomenon: At least, in 1957, it could be derided.

The only people who join the police these days are twats who like uniforms but are too stupid or unfit for the armed forces.