Hammer of Cunts

Fuck me! You must get through a few keyboards with the amount of shite you type.

Fred Flintstone's glory hole.

You've seen it then?

It's a fair bet that many of the old boys lionised in the recent WW1 commemorations held some pretty unwoke views on sex and race equality. Fuck knows what my grandfather would have made of "gender fluidity"; luckily they hadn't made that one up at the time. War memorials next.

It's possibly beyond your experience, but many people don't have to live in towns; Ask nurse about that when she gets back from the shops. Don't tell her you've been on the computer though or you'll have to wear the special coat again and we'd all miss you, I'm sure.

No idea, did he smell a bit funny on his carer's day off too?

I can't say that you strike me as someone who likes twat.

Does your caddy advise you on which "iron" to use today? Or do you like wood?

Don't watch it then. Twat.

I went into town this morning and a local "character" , known as Brian-the Brain was Standing outside Tesco's pointing at a litter bin and (probably literally) wetting himself laughing. He was still there ten minutes later when I came out. Is he one of your aliases or is Childish Harold one of his?

The ossifrage.. from Wiki: "... the only member of the genus Gypaetus." Is there something we're not being told?

Oh for god's sake, I thought you'd fucked off.

She's one of the few newsworthy people who hasn't said anything mildly offensive about blacks, poofs or sexchanges, so, if the barrel can't be scraped any further, she'll be the lead item on every news broadcast.

Paypal takes a cut when you withdraw your money, Ebay sends a bill every month.

I don't think this prick knows what day it is.

Hunting is only "slightly ridiculous" compared to golf which goes completely beyond the pale as regards utter fatuousness. The animal cruelty of urban wankers is not confined to track-suit wearing chavs; middle-class wankers who buy over-bred fashionable dogs with breathing difficulties and other assorted hereditary defects are shits of the lowest order. Why the fuck would anyone encourage the breeding of animals genetically incapable of leading a happy life? Anyone who buys a Pug, French Bulldog, KC Spaniel etc. should be made to spend the rest their lives breathing through a gas-mask. The deliberate cruelty of Halal (and Kosher) slaughter is not "questionable" it is obvious and proven, No-one should be allowed to use fairy stories as an excuse for systematic torture of animals.

Wrong again fucking, Sherlock. I've never been to Bedfordshire.

It's a business opportunity for all those distressed purveyors of over-priced office food. Just move to Kent... Most lorry drivers will happily pay a tenner for a grape salad and a paper cup of weird coffee.

If they work hard enough, their nails will be kept trim by natural abrasion. It's a cheap incentive scheme.

Apparently nail-bars, eyebrow pluckers and various "salons" in England will not be allowed to open for a few weeks. This means that a few dim slappers whose entire self-worth relies on tarting up their nails/hair/eyebrows etc. will have to stay at home and hide. Well fucking boo-hoo; the world will be happy to get along without them. Why the fuck the exchequer is paying to furlough a bunch of vapid bints with no ambition other than cutting other people's fingernails is beyond me. They should be retrained as brickies, oil-rig workers or dustmen. The same goes for "boutiques" (whatever they are).

I've only ever been to a nightclub once; we saw the Baron Nights and ate chicken in the basket. The young women serving us were very nice but not over-familiar. It was quite pleasant but the beer was expensive. I haven't bothered since. I've seen more debauchery at the Hunt Ball.

An ellipsis should be indicated by three full-stops; the use of six commas suggests either illiteracy or a jammed keyboard. Stylistically, you missed a rare opportunity to use an exclamation mark.

W.Indies fisted while they were genuflecting; there's no reply to that with only wrist action.

All that virtue didn't prevent 204 all out.

Fucking hell You never said you were posh. Do you live in Cheshire?