KingRollo

Pugwash is a most disreputable chap. Best avoided.

Yeah, shame I'm not friends with Jamie any more...

When I was a Prince, taking the knee meant something entirely different. I used to dread it. Tip-toeing past Wizard's rune room, always caught out by that squeaky floor board, "Rollo!" the voice would boom out, "in here now. Time for the knee". Clearly, being a bit of an imp in my younger days, he'd be wanting to teach me a lesson or two about whatever mischief I'd concocted that day, but being bent over his skinny lap, and belted on the posterior with his Wizard's staff, left one quite bruised. Sitting down afterwards was almost out of the question. And the thrones are so hard...

I can't disagree with the notion that Hamilton is not, perhaps, the world's best example of victims of prejudice. However, your implicit assumption that - somehow - not being allowed to join your so-called club would have him crying in his cornflakes is hilarious! Or that Sunak / Cleverley would be even slightly interested. Thanks for the laugh!

Hadn't clocked it young Eric! Have a like!

That's the one! - I stand corrected

Just a thought - do you think 'Allo 'Allo is where Withers learned French?

Wasn't there some story line about explosives being hidden in a sausage? That sounds like Punky's cup of cocoa...

Hmmm, not sure Queen Gwen and I are ready for "Emanuelle meets Priscilla, Queen of the Desert"...

How? Help him sign on with his benefits? Take him to the nearest Seaman's Mission?

I always preferred Michelle in her trenchcoat - reminded me of the flasher that used to hang out near school...

Your Majesty, Queen Gwen and I will send you a gift token for Toby's, with our complements, as recompense for your missed BOGOF opportunity - please don't be tempted to risk the gravy this evening, the lumps may not be congealed Bisto. Your humble servant, KR

You ok there, Punky?

Herr Flick would be an awesome commissioner. All you'd need to bribe him with would be a stolen picture of the Fallen Madonna with the Big Boobies!

Hello Your Majesty, two observations if you will permit. It's no secret what Scrotie would do - exactly what he has been doing all throughout the lockdown (i.e. something heinous and goose-related). I doubt he would go near a British Carvery given his penchant for all things francais, though it must be cringe-worthy to hear him shouting at the poor garcon in slow, loud English, insisting on a menu with pictures. Even when he makes some sort of effort, the attempts at the lingo must raise everyone else's blood pressure - 'Je voooodray les pom freets'. Not so much as a 'si vous plait'! However, and more importantly, surely as monarch you have the resources at your disposal to make these people up their game? I mean, it's not as though they are using goose-sweat or monkey juice. I'd kindly suggest you give them a flea in their ear and directions to the nearest supermarket, on pain of death.

I think you are being a bit unfair Wolfie. Pen easily wins that accolade hands down. But I don't recommend dry humping her leg... it would probably fall off... or she'd break a hip.

Home made yeast

Cook made some mincing puffs last Christmas ... sort of a cross between mince pies and turnovers. They were delicious - I'd highly recommend them!

S'matter Pen?

Fenella / Roops / Pen ... take your pick

I think I can say, with absolute certainty, that nobody is going to make a film about any of us (except, perhaps, yours truly) and most definitely not a film about Pen ...

Ah Chorlton. I've often tried to persuade him to move to the Kingdom - after all, who wouldn't want to count a 'happiness dragon' among their number. Unfortunately, he has unfinished business with a certain Welsh witch. A shame.

An English one.

Cook couldn't produce a decent omelette to save her life. And she's not young ... Always turns them out so rubbery! She blames it on the goose eggs, says they've been fertilised (and not with the freshest of seed) but frankly, I think she's simply become sub-par.

400 year old cheese is surely too mature even for his acquired tastes? The filthy old sod...