scotty

"Go and take a look at the size of the shit I've just done," I said to my wife. "Yuck, no thanks" she replied. "Please, just one quick glance" I begged. "You won't believe it." She held her nose, ran into the bathroom and ran straight back out. "There's nothing down there," she said. "You must have flushed it." I said "It's on the scales."

Under lock and key mate. Especially when gobblers in the vicinity, those fangs are enough to drive me into a frenzy.

At least I put sellotape round it to stop it from bursting. I'm not a savage.

Only me now.... Fucking insomnia.

It can't be the end of the world. Spielberg hasn't made a film about it.

I'm going to get slaughtered for this, but sod it. I've only ever seen her on panel shows, not seen her stand up routines, but I'd fuck her ragged. Plus I thought she was really funny when I saw her, one of the very few amusing wimmin comedians around these days.

Did this biology teacher seem, ahem, sinister in any way gypps? Asking young girls to practice their resuscitation skills... sounds dodgy to me.

Is that actually true, manky? You learn something every day, I never knew that. The yanks took their fair share of abuse on there. I remember one american posting a gag along the lines of "I'm sick of reading jokes about americans being fat. So I'm flying over there to beat you lot up, just as soon as I can afford two plane seats."

I asked my mate in the pub how his weekend had gone. "It was good" he replied. "I came down here with Gary and Steve for a few pints on Saturday night, then we called round to my girlfriends place. Had a few more drinks there, we all started feeling horny and we ended up having a threesome." "Don't you mean a foursome?" I asked. He said "no, she was out."

To be fair, he's slightly funnier than alan carr.

No, it's gone because of facebook and twitter. The number of users/voters has steadily decreased due to social media, not because of some sudden change in user attitudes. People can get more exposure to their jokes in other ways now. Before sicki hit the canvas it had gone from needing over 100 votes to make the front page to a hottest of the day with maybe 15 or 20. My guess is that's why they're not bothering to resurrect it.

My girlfriend always insists that I text her when I get in. That's how small my cock is.

It's been down for over two weeks now, due to, and I quote, "severe techicnal issues". If they can't even spell "technical", what chance have they got with coding? I know a few of the regulars here were sicki users, including baws, rev c and our own favourite gypsy. So as I think we can safely assume the site is permanently gone, feel free to post your favourite sicki or sicki-type joke. These things need to be preserved for posterity.

Well that explains carol deckers underwear drawer.

...and landed myself with a lifetime of maintenance payments. Besides, there was precisely zero hope of that. Yet another example of the fates conspiring against me, I got placed in a house with five attractive female mature students finishing a course on stable management, the youngest of whom was 25, while I turned 16 on the day I arrived. Never stood a chance. Oh, and I believe we lost the Ashes last time out.

I eat a lot of chinese takeaways baws. I know what I'm thinking of, especially when you hear the distant sound of mewing from the open kitchen. Particularly good with oyster sauce, btw.

...but fuck me, they taste fantastic.

Well, that's whoever neil works for well and truly fucked. They're already complaining that he never does a stroke at work, he got all indignant and said "I beg to differ."

Yes, I bought their cigarettes while I was there.

That's actually true db. When I was at college I was the only bloke in a student house with 5 females, and after the first few months they were always up on blocks at the same time. They used to sit around moaning about period pains and send me down the shop for tampons and jamrags because none of them were up to going out.

Nope.

Helen probably shouts at the traffic when she can't cross the road.

Never mind manky, imagine what a pummelling neils cock is in for tonight. On second thoughts, don't.

Damien was just misunderstood, scrotes. Had a heart of gold really.

Language, Timothy...