scotty

The beauty of self employment ding is that you can tell any customer who happens to also be a cunt to fuck off. I managed a whole three months as an employee, and that was 35 years ago.

I do indeed have my ticket scrotes. I will be suitably tanked up on a cocktail of Famous Grouse and lighter fuel, and propose to force hawking at knifepoint to scream "EXTERMINATE.... EXTERMINATE..."

So have I.

When I saw the title of this nom, I assumed neil had posted it.

You'll have wanked yourself to death long before your three score years and ten, neil.

Doesn't walmart run asda nowadays? They're shit as well.

One of these opened near me quite recently, southern. I haven't ventured in there yet, and frankly you've just put me off the idea. Makro is bad enough, do you have those over there?

You must be fucking joking, they'll be doing overtime for the next six months.

Yeah, that's going to happen.

I've been thinking about this alfie, and I intend to spend more time smoking, drinking and gambling.

We clearly have too much time on our hands. The Corner, up to now, has 49999 posts on it. Don't we have better things to do?

I smuggled a load of seagulls into the house of commons once. They just flapped about like a flock of braindead cunts squawking "heeeeeear hear hear hear hear heeeeeear", and the seagulls weren't much better.

I didn't know that the collective noun for a group of homosexuals was a "pack", wizz. You learn something new every day.

I think we might be talking about the same bloke.

I'm always pissed, scrotes. Morning to night.

I knew an electrician who was also a campanologist. He was a fucking weirdo, but in an odd sort of way he was an alright bloke. He once got me to notate the keys of a list of songs he wanted his group of bellringers to perform. I went to the concert and it sounded surprisingly good.

I went into a dingy gym, and a huge bodybuilder sidled up to me. "Are you the guy with the 'roids?" he asked furtively. I said "no, I just didn't feel like sitting down."

Has that radiotherapy livened up your prostate then, scrotes?

Somehow, I believe him.

Spots right. There are plenty of things which irritate the hell out of me but don't seem to bother anyone else. So fuck it, let's just nominate the cunts regardless.

Well, she certainly wasn't keen on the vodka I gave her.

About to be posted on sicki gypps, feel free to vote Talking about dirty old men, have you been listening to steptoe and son on R4 extra? Last weeks was brilliant.

I remember the first time I ever felt really old. I was chatting up a sexy girl at a party when I suddenly thought "fucking hell, she's 25 years younger than me, I'm old enough to be her father." I hated my 30th birthday.

I don't think much of yours, baws.

Can't argue that doggie. Bleach Cocktail for Mr Baddiel...