scotty

I see what you did there.

Merton is funny, luke, especially when he's unscripted, like on Clue or hignfy. I was brought up in the alexei sayle times, and have never found him even faintly amusing. Skinner is just an unfunny brummie cunt, and baddiel is an unfunny cunt who gets bbc airtime because he's jewish and was in the cambridge footlights. Apparently he now thinks he has dementia but can't be sure, there's got to be a script in that, if there is it'll be the only funny thing he's ever written.

I'd honestly love to know whether anybody has ever genuinely found that pair of cunts funny mike, I really would. Perhaps we could have a poll or something.

If you want to see the height of irony gypps, go to the bbc radio iplayer and click on comedy. There you will find, listed next to each other, "Don't make me laugh" starring david baddiel, and "Don't start" with frank fucking skinner. The clue is in the titles, lads....what a pair of utter cunts they are, about as amusing as genocide. Twats.

Ok, Princess. I'll take your word for it sweetheart.

Plus, after saturday mankys probably weeping into his northern piss-weak beer after the mancs got beaten by the mighty saints. I reckon that might just have been the final nail driven into van gaals coffin. (cue "football is for irons..." etc)

I agree, manky. If I wanted to contact you I'd have the message sent round by bike.

Don't think I saw that episode.

Anybody cycling at speed over a zebra crossing should immediately forfeit their right not to be mown down by the nearest motor vehicle.

True story spotts; I carry a donor card on which is inscribed in black marker "I wouldn't bother with the liver".

"Nearly"?

Precisely what I was about to say, manky. He comes from stoke, and that doesn't bode well for his level on the cuntery scale.

They do indeed. It's something about the portsmouth dock strike back in the seventies, they seem to think the southampton dockers were brought in as scabs. Given the history of dockers unions in southampton I highly doubt this, and there's really no evidence for it, but they've held it against us ever since.

Thanks alfie, good lad. That's given me some more ammunition against a few pompey fans I know who keep insisting it didn't happen down there.

This irritates the shit out of me, snatchers. My brother in law sold up his place in Somerset and moved out to malaga a few years back, I asked him why he was doing it, leaving his family and friends behind him at the age of 60. His reply, and I quote verbatim, "We're fed up with everything here. Especially all the immigrants flooding the country." Now, at that point I did ask him what he thought he would be once he'd emigrated to spain. He looked at me blankly. I also asked him what he felt his identity was in the UK, given that he was born in Italy, his parents moved here after the war to find work, and he still has an Italian passport and nationality. He's back here now having suffered a heart attack and discovering the limitations of the spanish health service. So he's come back to get his monitored pacemaker and social benefits. He still whines on about "all these fucking immigrants". I'd like to say that words fail me, but I can't. He's a cunt.

Spotter is correct gypps, that actually happened in taffland. However, the Viz map of the Shittish Isles shows it as having occurred in pompey, and that's good enough for me.

The names bland. Jo Bland.

It's Portsmouth. Someone probably just put the fucking thing there for safekeeping.

They have fucking tills at tesco??? Christ, I always pay cash at sainsburys, they just lost a customer.

Oh christ, I'd forgotten that fucker. Good shout.

That's the point spot, I find it anything but easy listening. Tooth grindingly toe curlingly irritating listening would be my description. There's something about the song that boils my piss, I genuinely hate it.

Listen to the song if you can stand it, scrotes. You'll hear what I'm driving at. He sings "the" as "thorr". Hence another line, where "the rain" becomes "thorraine", pronounced like Lorraine.

I heard that godawful old Glenn Campbell song on the radio today, Rhinestone Cowboy, and it brought the childhood bile flowing back into my gullet. It annoyed me when I was 10 and it irritates the shit out of me even now. "There's been a load of compromisin'/ on the roooad to my horizin"....? For fucksake. Just as bad is the cringeworthy deliberate mispronunciation of other lyrics. Why can't the cunt just sing "like a rhinestone cowboy"? Why does it have to be "like awwrhinestone cowboy"? It's as bad as that other cunt adam faith singing about his baby, but pronouncing "baby" to rhyme with "flybe". Cunts.

I'm praying that isn't a euphemism. If it is, you're on your own mate.

I'd try them myself if it wasn't for these bunions.