Cuntybaws

Maybe it's just me, but this is getting weird now.

Sadly there are no vultures where I live, although some of the pigeons are a bit on the angry side.

Pyres are the way to go. I tell people I'm a worshipper of the old Norse gods, but really I just like setting dead people on fire.

I'm glad that James Gandolfini's dead.

Too Soon? Yes, Woody, twelve IS too soon.

Or anything with Woody Allen in it. Actually, I'm being a bit harsh there. I sat through all of "Hannah Does Her Sisters" once, and it wasn't that bad.

I wasn't with you until I did a Google image search for "shit storm of lesbians". Based on what I've just seen you definitely wouldn't leave your best Persian rug under them.

Don't forget the pokey hats, Dan, and the butterscotch Instant Whip! Better to live a week as a jackal than a minute as a mole.

Likewise, yesterday I began a tortuous analogy involving IEDs which went from legless, 'armless, to eyeless in Gaza. Luckily I thought better of it before posting.

The great MikeD himself would be too ashamed to recycle any of the lame fish puns these cunts have come up with. Long live Viz.

I fucking hate you, you evil fucking cunt. That salmon I was having for supper is going straight in the bin now.

If you wanted to keep your 70 million you would be advised to keep fucking that lawyer, and act like it was Jessica Alba dipped in caramel.

I somehow can't picture Welby, or Rowan Williams, or George Carey, or Robert Runcie in the Knights Templar. Terry Waite would have had a better chance with Woody Allen in charge.

I can tell you didn't go to a Scottish comprehensive.

I think it's fair to say that, as a general rule, your "professional Christian" is a sad, weedy, inadequate little fucker with beer-bottle specs, a gammy leg, and all the social skills of a clump of moss. How they fuck we lasted as long as we did in the Crusades is a mystery to me.

Not jealous, just petty. In the land of the brainless, the small minded man is king.

Filthy mare.

No cunt gave me any likes when I nominated this last time around, so Piston will have to suck my balls, unfortunately for him. (The fact that "likes" didn't exist then is a trifling irrelevance.) I'd give the gig to Peter Capaldi again, as it happens, on the condition he plays it as Malcolm Tucker and it goes out post-watershed when all the fan girls and poofs are asleep. "You fucking Daleks are a fucking omnishambles, ya cunts, so come and fucking get some if you think you're fucking hard enough. Motherwell rules."

Cash My Gold.

The perfect opportunity to recycle once again one of my favourite jokes of all time. Q. What do you get if you cross an Eton school boy with a polar bear? A. A polar bear.

A super-eruption of the mega caldera in Yellowstone should see off at least 50 million of the redneck cunts. Fingers crossed.

He might have to wait three weeks for it though, Spot, you don't log on nearly as frequently these days. Have they got you on a zero hours contract?

You're all a bunch of Philistine cunts. That said, James Kelman would kick Irvine Welsh's arse in a square go.

I am typing this on a Braille keyboard, having just plucked my own eyes out to avoid any risk of seeing a picture of this harridan should some heartless cunt see fit to post one.