Jiggerycock

My Ladbrokes account under the 'non-runner, no bet' rule

I got a refund when Motorhead's line-up changed recently

Read it and weep! Fitting that this festival for wrinklies should be held slap bang on top of the San Andreas Fault, in fact Jagger's face looks likes there's some serious plate tectonics going on there now as crevasse disappears into fault line engulfing fold. When the nuclear wind blows through our dystopian future and the survivors and the cockroaches poke their heads above the parapet - Paul McCartney is going to be there, Hey Jude-ing his way up his own Penny Lane, doing one last retirement tour! What a shower of superannuated shite!

Add in 'tuneless whistling' and you have the full driving-me-fucking-mental blueprint

Well there you go you fuck up! You may as well end it all now

HOOOOOOOOOOWLLLL Rich Kids of London!

Culling of worthless celebrities, I mean come on, what's not to like? It's the 'Final Solution' for camera whores and the deluded

It was anabolic steroids - and I plan to rip your head from its axis, shit down the hole that's left and drink the blood from your (paradoxically) empty skull. All this whilst reading the good bits from the Book of Revelations to your still-twitching corpse.

The only thing wrong with God and religion is his PR people, like Punkape here. Personally I'm quite the fan of JC. That stuff about him going away for a while but when he comes back 'you best all jump, motherfucker!' was great (something like that - you know what the sound systems are like at these outdoor gigs). Kicking the monylenders arses - and that water into wine thing was just wild! He looked great too, I mean his sodium intake must have been negligible to get shredded abs like that. Bodybuilders would KILL for his percentage body fat! He was a sharpshooting son of a bitch who was definitely rock n' roll.

I'm completely fucking bored of this tiresome bollocks

This is the ticket! None of that pansy autism bollocks. ADHD? I fucking shit it! Cholera, typhoid - bring it and lets have some rickets and diphtheria to keep 'em company

It's this whole idea of being shamed into an act which is a moral choice. It's a good job no one with any media clout ever looks at the judgemental cuntings that take place in here. Fuck it, that'd make good telly! I'm off to set up a meeting with Tony Hayers!

It's the job of the next generation to piss off the previous. This I understand but do they have to go at it with such over-achieving gusto? I'm not asking for them to go apple scrumping or play conkers or any of that 'Village clock at ten to three and is there honey still for tea' stuff but fucking hell, put down the smart-phone and the cheeseburger and just move about a bit will you? Preferably outside, so that dense fug of Brownian Motion shit-microbes that loiter around you, get a chance to disperse It's like wilful indolence is the software they operate on - suggest an upgrade to the merely slothful and my God, it's the only time you generate any kind of vigour in the bone-idle little cunts.

Got as far as 'Had to go into Gloucester today......' and wondered how you were going to delineate the 'nutters' the nom title suggested, from the rest of the population. Went racing in Cheltenham and stayed in Gloucester once - never again! Left there thinking Fred West had a point.

You catching this Punkape? He's calling your pink gin a poof - that's fighting talk where I come from. Next he'll be saying Nantwich is populated by child-benders.......

Do you two want to meet in a field near Sale say and fist each others guts to a frothy brown mess?

"Broadsword calling Danny Boys, Broadsword calling Danny Boys Yeah, we got a retinue of priests down in Argentina......been caught buggering some really cute choirboys....get a team of crack bead-jigglers down there most ricky-tick......confess with extreme prejudice.....leave the choirboys alone though, cappice. GO GO GO!"

Beyoncé? Rebellion in a very safe, corporate, American way As a 'call to arms' it was hardly 'Kick Out The Jams, motherfuckers' was it?

When do the rape 'jokes' begin rolling again?

It was a slow day at Mega-Fake self-promotion Inc and the Chief Exec, L Gaga, was in a foul mood. “Why is it always me that has to come up with the goods huh? The meat dress. The asymmetrical haircut, the asymetrical haircut before that and the plasticine skirt? All my ideas. Jesus fukn’ Christ, I have a hard enough time stretching my ‘music’ Rizla thin – what the fuck do I pay you people for? Get me that guy from Wisconsin on the phone. You know. The one who came up with the ‘chick with a dick’ idea, shit the press mileage I’ve had out of that one. See if he can whistle up another idea from his shit locker, otherwise it’ll have to be another asymmetrical hairstyle - and her at Toni and Guy can only do so much with styling wax, cowshit and half-a-yard of chutzpah”. “Hey, what about grafting a unicorn horn onto my head! Or between my tits even! That’d shake ‘em up. Did Madonna ever do that? She did? Fuck it! What if it was a lesbian unicorn…?”

Is it down to the lake I fear?

They're found guilty - yet are going to be living the next few years 'not in Keighley' I mean where's the sodding justice in that?

Not him! No! Never! Not that dopey little half-ounce from Westlife? I mean he looked such a bedrock of masculinity. You'll be telling me Lemmy's dead next.

What???? Coldplay and Beyoncé were on stage at the same time and ISIS - in a massive show of public relations oversight - didn't take them out? Fucking terrorist organisations 'eh? I shit 'em!

Haven't looked through every post on this nom but..... Ian Brady is still alive. He wants to die The vast majority of the British public want him to die He is a burden on the taxpayer. Other than some for some arcane notion of humanity, why not kill him? In general I'm not a tub-thumping 'hang 'em and flog 'em' type but let's set aside the Death Penalty for the seriousl fucked criminals who we all know can and will never be released.