Jiggerycock

It does all seem a trifle one way doesn't it? I mean A Flock Of Seagulls were a long time ago now

Happily, the 'Friday' bit is now replicated in our own green and pleasant land, thus resulting in a pleasing 'natural selection' cull of the brain-dead, brain-washed, thick-as-pigshit-and-twice-as-nasty, TV drudge-monkeys

Whilst I can't stand people who bang on about Christmas 'not being what it used to be' and 'forgetting the real meaning of Christmas' (so when was the last time we celebrated the real meaning of Christmas then? Oliver Cromwell's Protectorate in the 17th Century probably), Black Friday disgusts me. Along with Prom Night and Trick or Treating, another example of American cultural hegemony we could well do without. Or could we? Maybe this brief peek at our nasty, grasping, acquisitive selves is good? The dystopian future we've got in store for us, when the veneer of civilization drops and we realise we're not that far up the evolutionary ladder from the cockroaches (except they've got more resilience, sense of community and lower percentage body-fat). Bloody hell, that's all a bit deep!! Back soon with some jokes about Donald Trump and twerking! Tom Daley is a Cunt!

The Prophet Mohammed? What kind of a pansy nomination is that? If you really want to get radical (and shot) try burning ISIS flags with your tits out!

Warburtons are on the blower to her right now I bet, seeing if she can bang out a tray of bloomers and a crusty cob. Fuckachhia? Exactly!

Like attracts like is my guess. I'm not a fan of Boris Johnson, but there's an undeniable truth to him calling them a bunch of wankers

Yes - and killing east end prostitutes

Maybe if Lord Palmerston had got it right and told the truth in the first place, instead of drinking mead and fine wines with Sir Robert Peel and Viscount Rothermere at The Army and Navy Club, this could all have been dealt with at the time

First in a series of snide tricks that'll be pulled in this one I'm afraid. ....the next one being Cameron's return from his European Tour, blood and Euro-cum running from his torn arsehole, to be presented as a master of diplomacy with a deal that will mean by this time next year we'll all be millionaires. Then Harry from One Direction will go 'Europe? S'grate innit?' and that will be that.

Scotland you say? "....found upside down in a fucking field ..." four days after her and her stupid car did the passo doble into a ditch, where, after using her dying breath to summon McPlod on her mobile, she was left in joyous isolation because 'we thought someone else was investigating.....sorry'

The digital equivalent of the Rowan Atkinson character in 'Love Actually', designed purely to get in the way of commercial activity and WASTE EVERYONE'S FUCKING TIME!!!

I mean, you could have just stopped reading at 'Millwall Fan....' and just known this was going to end in a complete bloody fiasco

Possibly It's either them or a bunch of superannuated darts players reunion / roadtrip.

Rip out the ASTOR comms kit in the gondola under a Bombardier and sling him in that. Easily achieved, maximum discomfort and would make him a sitting target if it's flown over anywhere hot. Win win win I'd say

And as for 'Queen Of The South', eeee, well I never did....

I was trying to work out what 'slut oysters' were for about 20 minutes

Next time this 'chim-chimineeing' shandy-drinker come's on like the Artful Dodger, give him a load of pseudo-cockney bollocks back. "Oi woz dahn 've ol Filbert 've uvver week an' viss Mogadishu cahm ap to me, orl Pearly China an' orl vaht, an starts cahnting on abaht 've state ov iz Slipper an' Gumshield. So oi sez to 'im, oi sez 'Leev it aht me 'ol Muckle! You need ta get yourself sahm Diamond Spats an a Teabag else it's Buttoned up Burtons for yew, cocker"

I haven't a clue which way this ODI will go but it's an absolute travesty that James Taylor has not been a fixture for England in all formats, for the past 18 months, whilst Ian Bell has been stealing a living

Her vertical smile?

Close! That was the 'B' side.

I'll name that tune in one! Elton John!!!!! No? Bloody hell, I bet I'm close.....

He does rather appear to be trying to fill the post-Des Lynam 'Silver Fox' gap in our lives doesn't he?

apparently Cameron says that seven such attempts have been thwarted by our brilliant security services...why stop at seven, why not hundreds of attempts......its not as if any of these are likely to be proved. The politics and media sycophancy is disgusting and shows how low it has become when a situation such as this is used for party politics and to make the opposition look bad. Trouble is the majority of daily mails/sun cuntwads will love this without realising they are sleepwalking into a totalitarian state . The quote function is fucked at my end so, well, big shout out and high fives to Luke Swarm Apparently now we're getting 2,000 extra Spooks, I mean it sounds good doesn't it? 2,000 extra intelligence officers but then you think about it.... From where? To do what? More scarily, to do what that is not being done already? How quickly? Afforded at the expensed of what? Still, I suppose it's a nice, emollient phrase to make us all feel safer, that can quickly be forgotten once the winner of X-Factor has been revealed.

I suppose in the grand scheme of everything this shouldn't piss me off as much as it does, but as an ostentatious piece of showing off goes this one takes the biscuit. The fact he chose to do it by playing what amounts to a 13 year old girl's diary set to music is just another kicker. Paris attacks pianist \'drove 400 miles through the night\' to pay tribute World news The Guardian.url

The further post-Diana systemization and categorisation of grief I'm afraid. I'm pretty sure Sir up at Big School has got a spreadsheet with 'degree of fame' on one index and 'volume of people killed' on the other, with a random pivot table sequencing between 'applause' and 'silence'. Then it simply becomes a question of punching in 'One Direction' (hold that beautiful thought for a minute, people) say and out pops '5 minutes applause at next major cultural gathering' - and woe betide anyone who dares swim against this new orthodoxy! Course, any of us lot carks it and the system goes into meltdown, 30 seconds of 'I'm glad you're dead you stupid fucking cunt' not being one of the accepted outputs.