Handy cunt tip #1 - Don't eat Greek salad midweek. I've been farting chunks of Halloumi, sun-ripened tomatoes and pumpkin seeds like a fucking Sekiden gun all morning.
Cheers, Dukes. In the end, it was like curling out a freshly irradiated ingot of fucking Polonium. My poor fucking arse felt like the Bakerloo Line during rush-hour.