Decimus

I can imagine you now, Monu. Strutting around your local Netto in a vest with a Bulldog motif printed on the front. Within minutes you come across a jar of Dolmio with a smiling, moustachioed dago on the front. Before your missus can shout "Enoch", you're off, frothing at the gash and incoherently screaming "BREXIT MEANS BREXIT", as you stomp your feet like a hysterical faggot whilst endlessly searching the fruit and veg aisle for the straight banana that will finally vindicate your spasticated actions. You make me fucking sick.

Oi, Monu, what you reckon to this: When England played Holland last Friday, seven of our first team 11 were black. Similarly, when the under 21's played Romania the next night, nine of our starting line up were dusky. Lol Fuck off.

Plus, those tits have been absolutely fucking destroyed by cancer since that picture was taken. Bearing that in mind, I'm not in the least bit interested. A woman without tits is no woman at all.

Luke? I'm lonely.

Stubby was a contender, he could have been somebody. Sadly he took offence to a Down syndrome quip that I made and has never subsequently apologised for his disgustingly petulant behaviour. I seem to remember that you were also offered a seat at the top table, but chose to remain a lone operator. The only other person with the balls to turn down greatness was Eddie, so you have been extended a degree of respect and diplomatic immunity. Are you sure that I can't tempt you again though? I'm building it back up from the bottom, and it will be just you and I to start with, but I've got my eye on Snowy and I'm thinking of going to Ratty to get Eric on a Bosman.

Cunt

In hindsight, my first ever nom as 'Quincy' was a bit of a give away, wasn't it?

I think that you'll find that the original clique was pretty radically liberal for its time. We had a Welsh man, a drug addict squatting in a bedsit, and a shit eating jock/paddy hybrid with an absolutely fucking awful taste in ties. He was an estate agent to boot. If that wasn't inclusive then I don't know what the fuck is.

Can I be the leader?

What I usually do is revert to recycled stock quotes, like the above. Can I also suggest you make use of "Kill yourself", " Idiot" and "Fuck off". If Stubby rears his fat fucking head, I'm confident you'll know what to do.

I haven't got any issues with the supposed antisemitism within the Labour party, if said antisemitism is actually just some members daring to hold a negative opinion regarding the barbaric, human rights abusing, ethnic cleansing Israeli state. If hating Israel makes you an antisemite then someone send me some jack boots.

You do something then, you useless fucking crapaud. I've been carrying the burden alone for weeks and I'm fucking done.

BUBBA...BBY... DO SOMETHING.

Capiche, @Punkape? You nosey fucking cunt.

It's all a load of over the top faggot shit. Some fucking toff has scraped a tiny seam on a ball or applied lip balm to it. It's hardly nefarious, big league, hand of God style cheating. Ball tampering in cricket is about as controversial as someone playing scrabble with access to an extra vowel piece. Anyone concerned about this is a boring fucking wanker who deserves to have their teeth kicked in. Fuck off.

Good old Norwich, an island of sense surrounded by an East Anglian swamp of idiocy.

Not even for Chris De Burgh?

30 years ago or today, all girls/women are absolute fucking slags at heart. Give them a whiff of cock and 9 out of ten of them will abandon friendship, family ties and previous convictions if said walking cock and balls requests it of them. You can give them dildoes to play with as children or Bagpuss dolls, they'll still grow up with a thirst for prostituting themselves either literally or figuratively. Someone should nominate women, every last one of them are depraved fucking cunts.

Your obsession with Big Black Cock is fucking stomach churning. Any chance that you could post something that doesn't reference it? You Lizo Mzimba loving, degenerate fucking poof.

The only Huckerby worth my spunk is Darren.

Stubby is my new Ding, he may waffle on about sediment and wild boars and have all the sexual sophistication of a teenage boy, but I need a nemesis and he has stepped up. Worst three for me are Punkape, Apple and Cap'n Cunt.

I think even Cro-Magnon man would have kicked this cunt of bed in favour of a wooly mammoth. What an utterly vile fucking pig.

Any idiot seriously thinking of even just watching it on the telly deserves everything they get. I'd rather spend 90 minutes watching Neil eat 450 chicken nuggets than watch England play.

Imagine if you will, the person you hate most in the world. Then imagine that person raped and killed everyone you ever loved. Then imagine that they also enjoyed Jazz music and that they supported Ipswich Town. That's how much I despised Ding.

It sounds like you're looking forward to it.