Frank

I'm toning down the smugness, ed.. making amends. Consider this one an amuse-bouche.

I don't know about you bawsey, but I'll donate £70 to Cunts Corner if it's proven there was a beurrrmbe on that plane. The noise from the poorly repaired fucking tail falling off would be indistiguishable from that of an explosion in the hold. Some input from you on this wouldn't go amiss. Shit.

If you found a fellow to be particularly handsome, would you have any problem telling him so?

Cheers Spot

Did you not do the Ironman in July?

I have watched the past three episodes, Mike. This man, apart from a squeaky Essex voice, has it all. I've never had a problem telling another man that I think he's handsome. Have you?

I can tell you now, hands down, that I am not a gay man. There may be slight wanky-woo tendancies towards Bill, but that's about all. Anthony Middleton of Channel 4's pile of shit 'SAS Who Dares Wins' is one handsome fucker. A real man's man... a non (10 Mayfair) decimus. Channel 4 are in discusssions with Anthony's agent over a second series and, due to the nature of the programme, will no doubt insist he keeps a low profile. I will donate £60 to Cunts Corner if Anthony hasn't filed for divorce, signed a book deal, and dancing the dance-off on 'Strictly' by Christmas.

Well.... I do like you.

Alright then, wiz. Night x

Off court, Decimus and I thoroughly enjoy each others company. He's just a bit of a dick.

I'd give my right arm too if I could be out with you tonight... all cosy around the fire with sparklers, crisps and shit. We'd all pop back to yours for a late one, then quickly tuck lightweight hubby upstairs in bed. You get down and dirty on my hairy whilst I play Wichita Lineman on your plinka. We then tippy-toe upstairs with the guitar and you gently wake up hubby... whispering that you have a surprise for him. When he sits up, I do a 360 twirl and thrash the guitar around the back of his head.. thrice.

Once again you're taking it on the chin for the one cunt who's cock you can't get enough of. You slimy fucking good for nothing piece of shit.

It's a bit flat this year, jackie. Last year we turned Gobbie into a human catherine wheel. I hooked her onto a feather-board fence and set light to her fanny. She was too fat to spin, but she loved the bangers up her bum.

I'd rather you not get involved, Jackie. I don't want to lose my Baldrick.

Apologies Ed, I should've added you to the list of my loved ones. Your Daily Mail snippets, fascist views and general suburban attitude keeps me coming back for more. lol lol

The majority of regular punters come across like spoilt children.. decimus probably being the worst offender. Thank the heavens we still have Spot, Rev, Bawsey, Judge, Proper, Pen.. and those two disgusting sluts Gyppo and Gobbie. 'I'll donate £50 to Cunts Corner'..... what an awful righteous twat that man is. Some poor fucker will end up living with that cunt.

He gnawed his fingernails down to the quick whilst the mods detained him. They've certainly taken the wind out of his sails... the stumpy little sap's been tapping out tepid one-liners all week.

Thinking of you, Pen....

A lovely man..

Soppy cunt.

I did think of you Ed while I was standing around the rostrum. A bod pushed in a Sinclair C5 and I could just see your fat fucking head circling your suburban semi's makeshift carriage driveway.

keep to the rules decs.. there's a good chap x

Never mind all that, decimus.. friend. I've been at BCA Blackbushe all day wearing my Burberry car dealers coat. I bought two 18 month old vw golfs for the kids for just over 20k. I was quite pleased with that.

I very briefly got excited when I glimpsed at the length of the above... braced myself for laughter. Rubbish.