Eric Cuntman

I could believe that she keeps a derringer in her stocking top.

The most disturbing aspect is the way he was staring at the pushchair, no doubt wishing it contained the object of his desire.

I'm assuming it's tastefully clad in stone, much like Jack and Vera Duckworth's place.

I assumed he was homeless. Is he still about?

Yes. Lost on a one way system in Norwich when picking up a colleague from the town centre, suddenly faced with a black looney, with a 'yassir boss' grin waving me along from the kerb. When I found the cunt I was supposed to pick up, we stopped for a fry up before heading home. Asked the woman in the cafe about him and she said he was a well known fruitcake that even the police just ignored and let him get on with it. Must've been 20 years ago.

One of the biggest attractions was that mad black cunt who used to direct traffic wearing marigold gloves.

Hard to get enthusiastic about watching a game where both teams pre match instructions seem to have been, "try not to win."

Joey Essex. Rich, thick. Final boss.

Having just watched the intro to tonight's England game, I think it may be a good thing to limit the build up. I have a strong suspicion that Malteser headed Ian Wright is being paid every time he manages to get his wristwatch featured centre screen.

No, I lied, sorry. Killer is definitely male, lives in Newcastle, and as far as I'm aware has no nursing qualifications.

Busted.

My sister spent 2 years at art college. She's a talented artist when it comes to drawing, charcoal and painting. She jacked it in after an examination, in which she submitted a series of 3 acrylic paintings of post apocalyptic cityscapes, technically superb with the kind of detail that keeps you looking for ages, discovering new things. She was told by the assessment panel that she didn't have a future in art, as her work was "too precise and polished". Another candidate in her class had spattered paint onto a canvas by flicking it with a spoon, which the panel considered to be a work of genius. she fucked off art college and went into nursing.

He answered this the other day. Due to the high pressure of his work, he's often unable to sleep and works into the small hours in his home office. greed is good sleep is for wimps

Very kind of you to say. If you'd like to join the Cartel, we can offer you medical insurance, your very own semi-automatic pistol and the on the job training is a doddle, just watch a couple of Pablo Escobar documentaries, or if you can't find those, any old straight to video shit with Danny Trejo will do.

As a kid, he entered a head butting contest, his opponent was a Volvo. He lost, badly.

"Darling Carrot, could you ever love a cripple?"

Don't forget 'topping the leaderboard'.

No. I knew what I was doing. Sorry, it was just the once.

Good lad. i have no doubt that you will be mentioned in local legend as 'El Pollo'.

It's always a good idea to mention that the Queen owns Gibraltar as well, they respect that.

Glass the biggest, loudest one and keep your eye on the smallest quietest one.

It seems a simple piece of video footage, but spotting and capturing it was genius.

I'm betting he's going to change it to Benny Blanco at some point.

Eni Aluko has just been wheeled out at the side of the pitch to offer her profound opinion on the Brazil v Serbia game. She cleverly pointed out that Serbia need to win, a fact that nobody else had been aware of, and then added, "I wanna see a game with loads and loads of goals!" This fucking thick cunt almost destroyed several lives by flinging accusations of racism every time she wasn't picked to play or a decision went against her. thick as shit, and carrying a massive chip on her shoulder. the Diane Abbott of football.

You know full well that the term "abstract art" is a sales tool employed by clever middle class cunts, to sell crap to thick middle class cunts. think Harry Enfield's 'I saw you coming' character.